“Your Breasts Are Ten Years Younger Than You Are”  (And Other Stories from Medical Reality Shows)    by Kristen Houghton   Did you know that your breasts are ten years younger than the rest of your body? It makes sense since puberty and breasts don’t really show up for at least the first decade of life, but I had to learn about it from a reality show.  This info came about when a woman in her twenties, with a very perky set, was questioning a doctor about the best time for “a breast uplift.” The doctor explained that since breasts are a decade younger than, say our  faces, the early forties should be about right. Obviously she had a few years left since her breasts were still in their teens. 

When there is a dearth of watch-able television  it can lead to some channel surfing. One search wave brought me to the shore of a reality show called, “Dr. 90210,” a show about people getting plastic surgery done by extremely good-looking doctors in beautiful Beverly Hills.  After you get over the squeamishness of actually seeing some of the surgery performed, it can become a very addictive program. Breast implants, (and uplifts), tummy tucks, thigh reduction, and the obligatory face lift and nose job are standard fare, but there are other stranger body parts that people want “adjusted.”One young and pretty woman had a labial reduction.  

Now of course I know what a labia is but the idea of anyone actually surgically reducing anything in that area seems a bit much. What was worse was that the doctor actually spread the pieces of removed labia on a surgical tray for the camera as he explained the procedure! He, of course, was totally at ease showing what looked like pieces of cooked chicken skin. (I will never view fried chicken in the same light ever again after seeing this display!) At the two week check-up the patient was happy with her trim labia because now she was able to wear a thong to the beach without any excess  showing in the crotch area. I had no idea this was a problem for anyone.

Another procedure was for the removal of lower abdominal fat and excess skin on a man who had a real  problem. It seems he couldn’t quite “perform” with his wife  because his scrotum and penis kept disappearing into the abdominal fat during their get-togethers. I am not making this up.  

 As he cut into the lower abdomen, the doctor talked about how the penis was being swallowed by the fat during intercourse and explained that this was a medically necessary procedure for “quality of life.” In other words, insurance would most likely cover a good part of the surgery and doctor’s fee.  Later, in the show we see the doctor telling the man that “in just six weeks, you’ll be able to do the deed” while the man’s wife looks on beaming with joy. Her quality of life was certainly getting improved. 

The doctors on the show are all upbeat and completely unfazed by any and all procedures. To give them credit, they do ask their patients pertinent questions. A woman with a good solid C cup was asked why she wanted to go larger.  Other people were questioned as to their reason for  having plastic surgery. Was it to improve upon what’s already there? Or was surgery their way of coping with problems which could  best be helped by a psychiatrist.  

Despite the gore, “Dr. 90210” is a good escape show. Beautiful surroundings, beautiful doctors, real-life drama; what more can you ask? And it certainly is informative.  Where else would I learn that my breasts are still in their wonder years?    

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Kristen Houghton is the author of the new book, "AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First," published by GPP Life. It is available in all stores where books are sold and online.

© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton.                           email