Maybe it was bound to happen given time. My partner saw a posting on Facebook that she mentioned to her ex-husband because it concerned her. For what ever reason the ex sent a copy of it to the son and he up and de-friended her, his father, me and all other family members.
I wasn't sure what to think or how to take it. When she confronted the son he claimed he did it because he wants his privacy.
Now let me ask, how private can you be on a social media site? Isn't the nature of it fairly public? If you post something it is there for friends or family to read and it becomes "public" knowledge. It was not like my partner went snooping and found something in a closed drawer. This was something he wrote on his own wall and put "out" there for all to see.
My reaction took several days to understand. First I was offended and thought, "Why ALL the family? What did I do or his Aunt do?"
I use social media for entertainment and to stay connected with family and people I don't see very often. I enjoy posting pictures and seeing what other people are doing. For me it's just fun.
That is when I realized why it was bothering me. We don't get to see this young man very often. We live in a different state and only see each other a few times a year. He has started his first year of college and using Facebook is a way of "seeing" what's going on in his world. Now he has pulled the plug on that stating he wants his "privacy"!
When I went to college luckily there weren't even cell phones let alone email. We had the old fashioned land line and snail mail. I'm pretty sure there weren't even answering machines yet. God how old do I sound?
So I understand not wanting your parents to know everything you might or might not be doing. I was pretty good back in the day of keeping my privacy as well so I get it.
What I still don't get is why you would even think that being on a social media site like Facebook could in any way, shape or form be private? It's like a bulletin board in cyber space and if you post a note with your name and number attached don't start wondering why people are calling or how they got that information.
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liz.777
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I often wonder about this myself. You put everything out there and then wonder why people find something interesting or question something. What exactly did you think would happen?
Chin up!
And yes, your point about a social networking site being the opposite of private is very salient.
Julie-You are right I am old!
Ash-It is kind of funny now but it did hurt at first.
blue-Girls can just be plain difficult.
CLM-I know!
Chuck-Maybe one day he will re-friend us, maybe.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/facebook_twitter_revolutionizing
College is a time for parents to grow and learn perhaps even more so than their offspring. Your stepchild is becoming an adult. Realizing that and respecting their autonomy, and therefore, their privacy will lead to a much better relationship with your kids than if you maintain the notion that you should know everything they're up to, even online.
The internet (especially facebook) has become akin to the dorm hallway, bar, fraternity meeting, library study area, etc. that previous generations used to get together. Your partner's son wants to participate in this environment without being held to, or even thinking about, the standards that his parents might hold him to. You should let him.
When my kids are in college, I hope that they "friend" me on Facebook. However, that said, I also hope that they are discrete (and savvy) enough to block me from things that I don't need to see.
I feel for you. But I also feel that FB crosses so many lines and feels oddly like an invasion of privacy. It's a strange phenom.
The reason you were defriended is simple, your partner was a tattle tale. If nothing was said about it, there would probably be no problem. I refuse to add my mom as a friend for the simple reason that I know she will pick apart everything on my facebook. "Who's that guy you're with? Are you at a party? You know better than to stay out late partying." He trusted you and your partner and your partner ratted him out. If this was someone who was thirty would you bother telling their parents? This is why he considered it an invasion of privacy. Sure, everyone else can see it, but they'll also know not to go make a big deal out of everything posted.
Yes, I understand as much as new college students like to think that we're adults, were still amazingly young and stupid. However, we expect to be treated as young adults and stuff like this just grates on our nerves.
Do you prefer him being honest enough to simply pull the plug our would you have preferred that he limit your access to the point where you only saw the pre-filtered bits he wanted you to see (and you never would have been any the wiser)?
A huge thanks for everyone who commented. Yes, we know it is time to let go and it's not easy. He is a very good young man and we believe that he will be a future bright star in whatever he chooses.
I opened my FB account when I worked at the University, as a way of contacting my students about events,etc. since they always check the "face" and never check their university email. I have over a hundred college age friends and none of them have ever de-friended me, at least that I'm aware of.
But, I also NEVER pick apart my kids, or my kids' friends postings (they have all asked me to be their friend...I've never initiated). They are all young adults. The operative word here is adults.
I guess I'll feel fortunate from now on that my kids allow me access to their pages. I just never thought about it before.
And, if I'm ever de friended by any of mine, I'll remember this post and all the comments and try not to take it personally. On that note, I'll try to send my comments via private message more now and post less on their pages. Just in case ;)
We were very aware and sensitive about writing anything on his wall. Mostly it was just a way of looking into his world for a second. What he posted that was so alarming was that he had purchased 2 vipers to go with his other assorted reptiles. Yes, he has a venomous license but it is still terrifying for us to think about him housing these types of snakes!
I appreciate the range of comments here-thanks!
"Well, I'm never gonna FRIEND you."
Smart boy!
You raise this as though there's actually some kind of question as to whether or not he's entitled to his privacy. There's no question. He is. It's his social networking space. So isn't the question really why you guys are still so enmeshed in his life? My guess is if you all backed off, understood the message he's sending you, and respected it, you'd probably start hearing more from him than you do now.
Yours is definitively the last word.
Amen.
I don't even bother looking for relatives on myspace/facebook, though one cousin (who I hardly ever see) did friend me! I let her in!
Payback, a dish best served ice cold.
Trying to come up with something more tangible to explain what I mean...
Ok, my dad rags on me constantly about how much time I spend playing facebook games now that I'm on there. Now, I'm almost 40 years old, don't exactly need a talking to about how I choose to spend my free time...I wouldn't unfriend him though, because I AM almost 40 yo (and a girl besides) and know how badly that would hurt his feelings. But still...doesn't mean I don't feel that flash of irritation at him being him. I tell him, so just hide me if you don't want to see all my crap come up on your feed. Grumble, grumble....
isn't this the same dance that every family does?
I'm glad to see him griping at me if I'm honest with myself, it reminds me of living at home and being young. I will miss his grumbles when he's gone. Your son will too- just not for a few years.