On the first day of this year I was enveloped with a peaceful easy feeling that this was going to be a great year ahead. Then on the 3rd day I almost puked because of the fatality I caused.
Part of what I love about our land are the animals we see. There are deer which we feed corn, all types of birds, from turkeys to owls to various hawks. We even hear coyotes on a regular basis.
On the morning of the 3rd we had a familar squirrel eating corn under the feeder. He had become a regular that we enjoyed watching and he was getting fat.
I was on the computer and our Jack Russell noticed Fatty. She was not worried about him being there but was watching him eat one piece of corn after the other.
My "other" side surfaced, the wicked one. I began saying "squirrel, see that squirrel?" and of course the dog began to get excited. On a scale of "Jack" killerness she is maybe a 5. The only thing she has killed was a baby bunny and I believe it was more of an accident than anything else. Oh, and there was one chipmunk but I think he had a heart attack more than her actually killing it.
I opened the door and of course she gave chase to the oblivious squirrel. It was nearly as big as her so she wasn't about to try and catch it. That is when our other dog blew past me out the door and went after the it.
Now our black dog is a 10 on the killing scale! He has brought us many big woodchucks, possums, and a few raccoons. He takes great pride in his kills and loves to bring them to us as gifts, much like a cat.
The killing field was right in front of my eyes and I was mortified! I began yelling for black dog to stop. The fat squirrel lept to a tree just out of range but freaked out and fell to the ground. Black dog was in hot pursuit over the downed trees through the woods on the tail of Fatty. I'm now screaming for him to stop, M is yelling at me "Why did you do that?" and the Jack Russell was standing there watching the debacle unfold.
When I saw the shaking I knew Fatty had lost and Black dog had won. This horrible feeling swept over me and I started crying. It was more than awful and the weight of what I created filled me like wet cement.
On cue Black dog brought his prize to the front porch. Usually M deals with dead animals but not this time. As part of my penance I got the shovel and scooped him up, all the while apologizing to Fatty for my lack of judgement.
The entire day I felt terrible and off balance. It was more than horrendous and I vowed then and there that we would be a "no kill" zone for all the creatures.
Black dog will continue to hunt because that is his nature. However, I will never ever inflict harm on an innocent creature again.