M left this morning for her week in Florida to visit her son who is moving and her sister who had baby # 3 last week. She is already there tooling around in her upgraded rental car heading in any direction she needs to go.

The first part of being alone always feels nice. I eat what I want, do the dishes or not, read more instead of watching TV, listen to the radio all day, walk with the dogs and remember being alone. At first it feels a little like an itchy sweater. Then I realize it's not uncomfortable I'm just not used to wearing it.

As I look around our home I see small bits of her left behind. There is her red jacket hung on the chair, the fleece she decided not to take folded on the table, her tea cup on the counter and the blender in the sink after she made her smoothy. 

It was a very early morning leaving the house by 6:30 in the dark. 

Our Jack Russell has decided that if she goes back to our bedroom and sleeps in the sheets that still smell like her maybe it will bring her back faster. The first day seems to be the hardest for all of us.

The other dog had 3 teeth pulled yesterday and is still a bit puny. I hope to get him eating by dinner so I can give him his medicine. M felt awful leaving him but I vowed to take extra good care of him. I promised to make him cheesy scrambled eggs for dinner if he wants. He is the elder dog and knows very well what a suitcase going out the door means. When I came back from dropping her off he did get up and wag his tail, glad that half of us came back.

I love my life with M. We have worked hard to get where we are in our relationship. I can't count the times one or the other of us threatened to leave. It took lots of work, a gifted therapist and both of us learning a new and better way to react to one another. It was worth it all. I can imagine my life without her for a week or so but I would be lost without her love for the long term. 

For now I think a nap will be nice, Peanut might just have the right idea.