From the pages of Salon.com, Tracy Clark Flory bemoans the “holier than thou” attitude the BDSM community has toward non-members. Her piece “What’s Wrong With Vanilla” makes a few valid points, yet it dismisses the very real stigma the general public has against those who are in alternative relationships and sex practices.
People lose jobs for being outed and even some cases children are taken away for parents engaging in these practices That is wrong. No one can be sex positive and support this discrimination. I'm very pro sex and am fed up of politics getting involved in the private actions of consenting adults. Vanilla, Kink and every mix in between, I want everyone to have whatever kind of sex life they want, free from judgment from anyone, even the State.
I have never seen the snobbery that Flory is eluding too, in the circles I’m a part of.(Most have a strong etiquette and little tolerance for nastiness) Does it exist? It wouldn’t shock me, there is one upmanship in every aspect of life. I think the author of the Salon piece is mistaking frustration with pretentiousness. Has she researched how the media and society treat BDSM in general? Its not pretty or even accurate. Everything from people thinking S&M is something to be cured to radical feminists saying that women couldn’t possibly consent to submission. Crimes shows always show it as “deviant” Then you have Dr Drew and anti porn warrior Gail Dines screaming about abuse. Don't forget the ever popular "People in kink have childhood issues and trauma" From my perception, people in the lifestyle are tired of being hit with stereotypes and ignorant assumptions.
I give Flory credit for starting the conversation, and I agree with her conclusion that being sex positive isn’t about what you are willing to do, but rather what you are willing to defend.