I was married for 13 years to a guy who to put it mildly was no fun at all. He couldn't go anywhere and have a normal conversation.  He hated having people over or going to anyone's house except his sisters. 

All of his sentences were accusations pretty much, and yet I had 3 kids with him and was miserable the whole time. I must have been nuts to do that marriage because I didn't like him from the beginning.  But he seemed to like me in other ways, like buying me nice cards with nice notes, buying me flowers, paying attention to my daughter and I, wanting to move in together, which we did, because he was this fun guy with lots of friends, very generous.  After we moved in together of course, he changed, withdrew, was pretty much unreachable until I would look around and go this sucks, I should end it, and then for a while he'd be back to the guy I dated, but then that wound end.  He would be worse than ever, and let me know so clearly that our problems were my fault because I was the unhappy one.  No he didn't want to watch TV with me, he didn't want to go the lake with the kids and I, or even eat dinner with us. 

I won't go into the particulars, but he seemed miserable too, but wanted to stay married, because this was just the way things were.  Well it's over now, and it hasn't been easy, but after it ended, I saw how nice he could be to other people, particularly other women, and I just freaked out.  Maybe it was my fault all along.  Did I have a happy marriage and just not know it?  Is he a nice normal guy and I just couldn't see it?   Then my sister and my best friend both told me, that no, it was a miserable marriage, that I was not being unreasonable or overly demanding.  I just wanted to be able to have a conversation with my husband, which is normal.  I am still grateful to my sister for that, because my mother told me I should call him and see if he would take me back.  The point is I knew all along he was a bad husband, bad father, but refused to trust my own judgment.   It helped to have my sister to talk to, someone not in the marriage, someone not invested in believing lies.

I made up a person in my head who I thought he should be and loved that person.  When we got the divorce I had to admit to myself who he really was and say good-by to the person in my head who I loved.  It was not easy, but it was necessary.  Because in order to keep fooling myself into believing he was a good person, I had to believe I deserved the treatment I was getting, so truth is a lot better even if it hurts.   Sometimes I thought I wished I had married a big brute who would punch me in the face with little or no provocation because then I wouldn't have to puzzle around about why I was getting the silent treatment, I'd know the guy was just nuts.  But this guy who worked at a job he hated (which was my fault even though he had this job for a decade before we even met and has it still, USPS), was home every night, didn't drink much and was just mildly off, nothing huge or out there.

Which brings me to Obama.  I had such high hopes for him, and I would love to go along with everyone who defends him, I really would.  I did it myself for a while.  I was annoyed with Glenn Greenwald at first for being so negative, even though his columns had the unmistakeable ring of truth to them.  And it wasn't just that Obama didn't accomplish stuff that disappointed me; I know things have not been easy, but he doesn't say the same stuff he said to get elected.  He doesn't say, it's this way but it needs to be different.  It's not just him.  It's all the Democrats.  We had a democratic congress for the last 2 years GWB was in office, and he got all of his legislation passed anyway.  It has killed people and poisoned the world.  

Policy I disagree with is not just about money or an inconvenience that working people have to contend with. It's illegal wars and young people who are maimed for life  or killed and for what?

Obama just doesn't seem to fight for what is right, or even say what he thinks is right, or only very rarely. He does not seem outraged at pay-or-die insurance and yet it happened to his own mother.  And when he and Gibbs came out angry at the professional left that got him elected, it was like another red flag that I am so good at ignoring.  Only this time I didn't ignore it.  It has been on my mind for a good long time now.

Bernie Sanders accomplished nothing with his rant the other day, but I wondered why Obama was not doing something similar instead of bringing Granpa Clinton out to quiet the rabble.  Then Ralph Nader comes along--and say what you want about him, that he ruins elections and he's an egotist, whatever--he knows right from wrong.  He knows what is wrong with this country.   He is not afraid of the truth.  He has no interest in pretending things are one way when they are clearly not that way.  The truth makes Ralph an unpopular guy.  I am so hungry for some truth, for someone to say, you're not unreasonable, you want a decent life, with clean air and safe food, and a living wage, those are all good things.  You want your government to keep you from being robbed, from being illegally jailed, from eating, drinking and breathing toxins.  That's only normal.  So then I read this quote from Ralph regarding Obama:  "He's a con man.  I have no use for him."  Thank you sister, Ralph.

No Obama is not hugely awful like GWB, the big mean brute who will punch you in the face and then complain that you hurt his fist.  No, he's not like that.  But what he is doing is just not right.