On this blockbuster day of advertising days, Superbowl Sunday, it seems like an appropriate time to consider the business of who’s footing the bill for our own fun and games here on Open Salon.

     Do you ever worry that one morning you’ll log on as usual, only to discover that there’s a “closed until further notice” sign hanging in the window, leaving you with a head full of brilliant ideas, and nary a soul to express them to?  (I know, I know, there’s always “real life,” but isn’t it odd how your brilliance so often eludes those whom know you face-to-face?)   And what about the friends you’ve made here, the ones who laugh at your jokes and marvel at your insights and know your most intimate secrets?  How will you manage without them, without their wit and their perceptive observations and their juicy tell-all exposés?

     With these concerns in mind, I'm hoping that you, as resident experts, will be willing to supply the Powers That Be around here with a little creative marketing guidance.  Our current esteemed sponsors, Shell Oil and Lexus, are fine for starters, I’ll grant you, but I’m thinking perhaps the PTBs do not yet have a complete grasp of the OS demographic and the revenue-generating potential it represents.

     Only yesterday, sarah savasky, in a post called “This Is My Brain Off Drugs,” wrote in a most amusing fashion about her quest – still unanswered – for the perfect antidepressant.  (PTBs, are you listening???)  Anyone who reads here regularly knows that roughly one-third of the OS population is amenable to having their serotonin uptake receptors tinkered with on a routine basis, representing a potential goldmine to pharmaceutical companies wishing to hawk their wares on this site.  Talk about a target market!  Why bother with the mud-against-the-wall approach of advertising on cable news shows when here on OS there are so many depressive types that a contest for an essay on the virtues of Zoloft (assuming the depressives can summon the energy to respond) might well end in a deadly stampede?

     But that’s just the tip of the pharmaceutical iceberg.  Because the other two-thirds of our virtual population appears to be suffering from some form of mania, ranging from mild to fairly severe.  (Frequent posters, you know who you are.)  There is, of course, an entire medicine cabinet of potential cures to be peddled to these folks as well, mood stabilizers like lithium and depakote and even, in more extreme cases, antipsychotics.  (“Are your amalgam dental fillings sending you unwanted messages?  Consider Seroquel!”  Lines like these can easily be squeezed into a discreet two inches of column space.)   

     And while we’re on the subject of pharmaceuticals, how about an ad touting the benefits of Ambien or Sonata, for those nights when you’re plagued with insomnia trying to think of an idea for your next post?

     Shifting gears somewhat, has anyone considered approaching the producers of non-alcoholic beer?  We’ve got a big group of recovering alcoholics here.  Or how about escort services for neglected spouses/partners?  Dog walkers?  Liniments for neck cramps?  Reading glasses?  Spray keyboard cleaner for those who make the mistake of reading funny posts while downing a mouthful of hot coffee?

     While we’re at it, why not literary agents?  (C’mon, admit it, you thought that 5,000 word essay about your first puppy was pretty damn good…)  As you can see, the possibilities are fairly limitless. 

     Some markets are truly recession proof.  The editors await your suggestions.

UPDATE:  Based on the response to a post I ran yesterday on the common cold and its attendant problems, there also appears to be a large market here for sinus irrigatation systems.