Hey everybody, i.e., all five of you who still may be monitoring this site for signs of life.  It's been awhile, I know.   Just keeping a lazy toe in the water here with some recent items gleaned from the Sheriff's Log of my community newspaper, which, in an effort to conceal my precise whereabouts, I shall call the Mootopia Gazette.  

     Mootopia, by the way, is not the next town over from Spamalot.  It is a left wing utopia some forty miles north of San Francisco, where the cows outnumber the citizens thirty-to-one, though they don't go through nearly as much grass, at least on weekends.   I should also point out that b.s. runs fairly rampant here, not all of it bovine in origin.

     Okay, here goes.  Again, let me emphasize that I am not making this stuff up.  How could anyone?  Crime-wise, as you'll see, it's been a rather busy week.

4/20  -- At 5:05 p.m. a neighbor reported that a woman next door was screaming.  The woman told deputies that she was fine, just unloading her frustration that she had no marijuana to smoke.

4/22 -- At 4:22 p.m. an upset caller reported that two men were acting strangely while filming a video.  They were wearing a wig and a hat and there were children in the area.  Deputies responded.

4/23 -- At 2:20 p.m. a resident called to complain about "chemical trails" that "airplanes have been leaving for 10 years" in the sky immediately above her house.  A deputy reported the resident was "very difficult to understand and mumbling."

4/23 -- At 7:40 p.m. deputies received a report of a man with a t-shirt on his head chanting and digging in the dirt with his hands.  An officer who responded stated he was "visiting his dog buried there.  Not a problem."

4/24 -- At 11:36 p.m. very loud music was reported on Fire Road.  Deputies found a large group of adults at the "Spirit House" who were engaged in a psycho-spiritual healing event being conducted by a voice-augmented healing director, and told them to keep the noise down.

4/25 -- At 9:24 p.m. a woman complained about "feeling faint and nauseous" after spending "close to two hours"  in a sweat lodge.

4/26 -- At 6:18 a.m. a resident complained that her neighbor's rooster was crowing and keeping her awake.  Then at 6:43 a.m., the husband called to say his wife was "acting crazy" and "tearing up the house" because of the rooster.  The man later said his wife had calmed down and the deputy advised the two not to call back on the emergency services line.  Then at 7:05 p.m. that evening the woman again reported the rooster disturbance, and deputies forwared her complaint to the District Attorney's office for review.  A deputy noted however that the neighbor had already given away one rooster to satisfy the resident's concerns.  He also noted that the animal was a farm animal and the land was agriculturally zoned.

4/26 -- At 4:34 p.m. a resident stated that a neighbor's Holstein heifer had broken through the fence between his property and an adjoining dairy and was now standing in the spa portion of the resident's swimming pool, apparently unwilling to move. 

Um...got chardonnay?