Some of us don’t get to really celebrate Christmas. It isn’t easy for us, ignoring the sidewalk Santas and never getting caroled and not decorating trees with ornaments we collect over the years, and not sending out Christmas cards, and not singing the Jesus part of Silent Night.
I like eggnog, I like stockings hung by the chimney, even carelessly. I find pfeffernuesse cookies beguiling. And kissing under mistletoe is about the only action I can find right now.
Even though I’m Jewish, when I was a kid my family double-dipped. We had a miniature plastic tree hidden in a corner with blue and red balls and a few presents below. We also celebrated Chanukah, which is a minor Jewish holiday made into a big deal with eight days of presents to make Jewish children feel better. But potato latkes are not the same as gingerbread houses.
Are you, or someone you know having to deal with this, too? You may be separated from loved ones, or Jewish or Buddhist or a Kwanzaa celebrator. Or maybe you’re having a tough time and taking a break from the whole thing. Or like me you’re on your own (not necessarily bad!) or you’re an atheist or a secular progressive (take that Bill O’Reilly) or just not partaking for whatever reason.
If so, I offer some ideas that work for me to tide you over the holidays in relative comfort and joy.
Go where people don’t celebrate. The best place is one that doesn’t much bother with Christmas and doesn’t even remind you of it. Best is South Florida, or southern California, filled with Jewish folks, palm trees and beaches. This is easier to deal with than being around firs, snowfields and steepled villages. You can actually forget about the season in 85 degree heat.
If you don’t have a relative or friend living in a hot spot, try friends of friends. People in sub-tropical climes are used to this in wintertime. The Caribbean is another excellent fake Christmas spot. Or a ski resort. But you’ll probably have to pay for these. Sure you don’t know someone in Florida?
I used to go down to Florida to visit my folks every Christmas vacation. Now that I live there in the winter, I’m the one getting visitors. And as long as it isn’t more than a week, and as long as I know the people’s names, I usually enjoy it.
Plane tickets are especially inexpensive late on Christmas morning, and if you get a ticket for day before Christmas and carry-on you might get bumped with a free ticket, which for some might be considered a Christmas present (but not for you because remember, you’re not really celebrating). That’s happened to me and because I didn’t check baggage I could take advantage of the opportunity. I don’t care if I’m flying on Christmas eve or Christmas.
Don’t want to go away?
Deny the whole thing. I often do this. I turn off the TV and radio. I put non-Christmas songs in my ear. I read a good, long book about summer things. I think about everybody else gaining weight with Yule logs and eggnog and cookies. I eat salad and become the only person in the United States to lose weight over the holiday.
Eat at a Chinese restaurant on Christmas eve or Christmas. You’ll find it chock-a-block with other non-celebrators. And it’s cheaper than going to China (which also is a fine option if you have the bucks and time).
Get adopted by someone who celebrates Christmas. This may be the best solution, offering much of the fun with none of the work, and minimum guilt. It’s the hosts’ Christmas, not yours. You’re just observing the Mass. You’re just sharing the turkey and plum pudding. Just be sure to bring your hosts really good Christmas presents –no regifting. You want to be invited back every Christmas, as a tradition. Then it will be almost-real Christmas.
Virginia R. was my Christmas host when I was a young girl. I got to sleep over and share in her excitement on Christmas morning. Later it was a neighbor who lived in the home with Tudor trim and a huge tree with antique decorations.
Volunteer. You can tell a fellow worker you’ll take over their work. Good karma, and maybe extra pay.
This is a confusing season for many, maybe you too. Check out serving meals or collecting toys or helping others in some way over this holiday and into the New Year. Helping makes the Christmas spirit become real, even if you don't really celebrate it.
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Comments
I'm an atheist after years of growing up Catholic and conservative Christian. Doesn't mean that I don't celebrate Christmas a little, I just don't do it a lot. I like making cookies, putting up the tree and the music. What I don't like, and don't appreciate having it shoved down my throat by some, is the commercialism, the pressure and guilt to buy and the fact that some people almost think that if you don't celebrate Christmas in your house like everyone else does, you're almost stunting your childs growth and setting them up for a life of emotional problems.
I'm trying very hard to teach my son that the holiday is not about getting toys or the number of presents under the tree. It's about time together and being nice to your fellow man and that there doesn't have to be a price tag attached to that.
I love your suggestion to volunteer. When my son gets a little older, I will be doing just that.
I've also found that some Starbucks are open on Christmas day, so if you need to get out of the house and want to sit with a coffee and a cookie, that can be an option. I've done it the past couple of years just to break up the day a bit and it's kind of fun.
Wish I had the balls (I'm neutered, you know) to shout from my kennel top "I celebrate myself....I sing the body electric". Instead, as a secular progressive wimp, I say (and I mean it :-)):
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
HGWOOF (Holiday Greetings woof)
PS: Very good piece. Couldn't start with that, or the "Bah humbug" would fall flat :-).
I think Christmas is all about giving, like you state above, volunteering, sharing, enjoying with others. The gifts I do give are to those friends and family that are special to me and have helped me through many good times and bad times. Most of the time, I give them homemade cookies, or pictures or CD's.
For the kids, every year I buy annual passes to Busch Gardens. We go for like 4 or 5 days and have a BLAST! And, we get to enjoy the big christmas tree there and all the holiday themes. We go for birthdays too - it's cheaper than parties and gifts! And, we get to spend much needed time together as a family and have lots of fun.
I hope you have a very warm and joyous holiday season, no matter how you spend the time. :)
Now, what pisses me off, he never still invited me for passover, but he does not celebrate anymore. Oh, well.
screamin mama: Sounds like you have fun with your kidsI think it's the family thing I am most jealous about. Frying potato latkes means telling your kids, "Don't get to close, you'll get get burned." Not, "let's string the popcorn." Well, I guess we could all stir the potato glop, but that isn't the same as cookie dough. You don't want to lick the spoon.
Jess: Yes, I forgot about all the people who have to work. Can't someone who doesn't have kids trade time with you?
Elecktra: I love the material aspects. The candy canes, the sleigh on the roof decorations, the shiny Santa wrappings. I think it comes from observing from outside the window. It seems like so much fun to go all out and I think I might be someone who would do that.
I had a former co-worker who is Jewish and she would always share her holiday stories because their family celebrated every holiday possible (many inter-faith marriages). I have always believed this time of year everyone assumes you celebrate Christmas because you should. It's similar to people making the assumption that everyone in the world is Catholic, although for some odd reason many Catholics don't seem to think that religion falls under Christianity (another post, another day).
I do enjoy this time of year and I think people need to understand that it's a time to spend with family and refelct on the many blessing you have. I hope you enjoy your Christmas and if you were in Chicago, you could come and get some real soul food.
Olga: Be careful, I love soul food. (I'm getting hungry with all this food talk). You sound like you understand the meaning between all the commercial aspects. It's just that the secular aspects are so alluring when you can't really join in.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the holidays somewhere or other in this world, with your kids.
You are such a good writer and I sometimes miss your work. Hint, hint.
Merry Holidays! M
jimmymac: Well, I am practical. I shall put up mistletoe in my doorway and see what happens.
On the other hand, I may have to challenge you to a brisket showdown. Mine is literally world famous, I've made it in five countries plus numerous red and blue states right here. Nobody doesn't love Sally's brisket (with the crispy roast potatoes, tiny whole carrots, pearl onions and meat so tender you cut it with only a fork), all ages, all religions/non religions, all but vegetarians. And I've made one or two of those fall off the wagon. :)
They get all the fun of Western Christmas, but it's not limited to Christians.
Sally: I'm sure you'll clarify in your wonderful way what I'm getting at. (As usual, we're on the same wave length.) As for the brisket, you win, you win. Now, when???
You are always welcome in my world, silly!
Thanks for sharing.
Happy Chanukah to you!
Greg
I'm sure that a lot of that's changed in the UK now, but the fact remains that my relatives in Scotland knock off from work on Christmas Eve and barely go back to the office until January 3rd.
By contrast, Christmas here in the US is a cacophony of consumerism and polemic screeching about culture wars. Don't get me wrong, I don't want even the pretense of cultural hegemony, and I've always enjoyed having evolving holiday habits (the Indian Christmas dinners in the years when my brother was a vegan were especially rewarding, frankly), but it's not meaningful for me the way it is here in the broader society.
There are compensations though: I'm looking forward to going to our friend's latke fest on Christmas eve, even though I made the mistake of threatening to give them a rendition of "adeste fideles" and got taken up on it. It's fun to see the kids get wound up still, some things do remain universal.
But at some level, because of pure sentimentality on my part, it's not quite a "real" Christmas. In the broader society, that's just as well.
Greg: Enlightening a bit is part of what make this site interesting.
haggismold: First, so good to see you again. When I first came here in August you were one of the first to comment on my posts.
I agree that we are blasted here with a kind of generic mish-mash of holiday cheer, driven by consumerism. When I lived in London I did notice that things were more traditional. I esp. enjoyed the pantomime shows that must have had the same jokes for the past 100 years but were part of the deal.
I do enjoy cultural differences with these holidays, and learning them, rather than focusing on the religious element which can be daunting to some of us.
If you really want to get away from Christmas, I invite you to come to Kunming to visit me and my wife. But you'll still see fake Christmas trees in their fancy shops and restaurants, which surprised me quite a lot really.
I've traveled to China twice --first time 20 years ago. Amazing, astounding changes. Hope you are really happy there.
One of the best holidays I spent was down in Baja. I was camping on a surf beach. We weren't even sure what day was Christmas (we had been there for a bit.) We baked a turkey in the ground (with hot coals) and it was delicious. And that was Christmas. Just that. What a relief and how nice.
Thumbed. Happy holidays to you and yours, and thanks very much for your visits and comments, much appreciated.