The above is an old list. In 2009 I do NOT resolve to:
Lose 15 pounds. When I do resolve to lose weight I don’t. So if I don’t, maybe I will.
Quit smoking. Why should I? I don’t smoke.
Learn Spanish. It’s too damn late. I can’t even remember English.
Stop watching The Housewives of Orange County. We all need a little trash in our lives.
Become a vegetarian. I resolve this almost every January 1. And then I crave a lamb chop January 2 and I'm chomping on the bone by January 3.
Drink soy milk. I dislike any food that means “I am” in Spanish. (Maybe I will change my mind on #3.)
Finish reading War and Peace. I never should have started it in the first place, back in the college dorm.
Throw out my old sweater with a hole in it that people point out when I wear it. Who cares? We’re supposed to cut back.
Eat lite cheese. I love heavy cheese. I’d rather gain weight (see #1).
Stop traveling. I will never do that. Nada. Nope. Off the table. Beats drinking, I think.
Brush my cat and clip her nails more. My cat bites me when I do these things. I don’t like bites. She’ll have to remain shaggy and sharp.
Floss more. I always resolve this. It’s trite. Maybe I’ll floss my cat’s teeth more. Then they will be clean if she bites me whenI brush and clip her.
Sleep eight hours. Six will do. So much to do, so little time.
Drink eight glasses of water. What’s so special about the number eight anyway?
Stay friends with people who think Sarah Palin could be president. Why?
Stop going to OS 10 times a day. Impossible.
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Comments
Thanks for making me smile.
The resolutions I'd love to see?
"Take up smoking, because I'm so old, by the time it kills me I'll be dead."
"Drink more. Liver transplant surgeons need practice"
Where I am, the new year is 1 hour43 minutes away.
I am winding uo for the day at office and hope to get home before the new year bounces in.
Brian, your resolutions are just the contrarian attitude that puts some edge on do-gooders.
jimmymac, what a sly fox you are. I just have to meet someone who doesn't know me, and then get to know them through the year.
Michael, borrow away. Especially the cat stuff.
Roger, are you just sleeping or did you fall on the ice? Step safely through 2009.
NoisyNora, laughs are a great way to go into a new year. Hope I have a few.
Lisa, lite cheese. Feh. Happy, happy to you as well.
This reminds me of why we so often see Latinos driving a really old car. Whenever they take it for a trade-in, the car salesman looks up its value in a little book plainly labeled NADA.
Wishing you a Happy and Prosperous (yeah, right) New Year.
Wayne, Happy New Year to you, too.
And Hawley, from the east coast, thanks and Happy New Year!
Ardee, yes I know people who actually believe that Palin can grow and learn and be ready to be president in a few years. I can't deal with that.
Cartouche, you are too funny. I resolve I'll never iron Palin's 150k wardrobe, but I might sumo wrestle her. So I won't resolve not to. Got that?
What if we go to OS only a few times a day.... and then stay for two hours? Seriously, how else am I going to give proper attention to all those 25 things lists?
Re drinking water. Okay, I can do "Drink more water" but if I drank eight a day, I'd be perpetually running to the rest room. What a waste of a life.
Become a Vegetarian... Not a chance, here. I do not have a vegetarian soul. Or maybe it's belated rebellion against my Dad's spate of Vegetarianism in late 60's when to listen to him boast about his cooking and then have to eat the stuff was a trial of the spirit.
I read that we don't need 8 glasses. Just enough not to be thirsty. 8 just sounds good.
I read Magic Mountain for about 3 years and only made it halfway through. I honestly thought it was a "trick book" of some sort - like it was impossible to finish because it had some self-adding page device. Finally, I tossed it. Guess I'll never know happened to the sickly dude. Unless someone wants to give me a few sentence summary!
(But if you spend too much time here at OS it may take six.)