Hello,
My name is suzy, In search of a man who understand the meaning of love as Trust and faith in each other rather than one who sees love as the only way of fun, but a matured Man with Nice Vision of what the world is all about, and after reading your profile here in. us.mc1118. I took Interest in you, so pleas reply me with this Email suzy_diane@yahoo.com
Thanks.
suzy,
Hello suzy,
Thank you for your thoughtful message in my OS inbox. I'm flattered that of all the people in this world you sought out me and me alone.
You seem to have noticed that I am available and I do think I have a "Nice Vision of what the world is all about," but I think you haven't read my profile closely. Or maybe I need a new avatar photo. Because dear suzy, the last time I looked I was a woman, not a "matured Man." Yes, you got the mature part right, but I do not have any man parts except for increasing chin hairs, which do not show up on the avatar.
As for the meaning of love being "Trust and faith in each other rather than one who sees love as the only way of fun" I must say that I have a bit of a problem with having trust and faith in someone who thinks I'm a man.
And what's wrong with fun, suzy? I take it that "love" to you is "making love." Nothing wrong with that. It may not be the "only way of fun" but it sure beats Scrabble.
(Do you play Scrabble, suzy?)
Never mind.
While I am flattered that you have sought me out suzy, I think that you and I might not be totally compatible. Maybe I'm wrong. Do you like baba ghanoush? Mahler's Fifth? Leo Kotke? Rauschenberg's goat series?
Never mind.
I never met you but I'd guess you don't work on the National Spelling Bee committee. I would guess you're not in the education field. Hmm, on second thought.
And what is " us.mc1118"? Is that a new dating service for "matured" men? Women who hold globes in their avatar? Women with alliterative names? I have decided not to check.
I hope you don't mind that I don't answer your email, suz. (Do you mind me calling you that? I can't help it. You have been so kind and supportive.)
suz, you may have singled me out for my "vision of the world" after reading my profile, but I have to break it to you gently: We're through before we've begun.
It isn't you. It's me. It's my problem.
I hope this doesn't cause you heartbreak. You'll get over it; we've all had our hearts broken. You took a risk, and I admire risk-takers.
We can still be friends. Maybe we could join a film series of 1970s Antonioni films or see Pilobolus? Do you like Pilobolus or do you prefer Alvin Ailey?
I do wish you the best.You sound like a lovely and discerning person.
With regret,
Lea (matured WOman) Lane
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Comments
For years now my in-box has been littered with offers to increase the size of my penis and decrease the size of my auto insurance payment. Neither of which I have.
(And there's always Strip Scrabble. Oh yes, I have played this.)
Judy, you just don't rate. Sorry.
AtHomePilgrim, I already get about 100 of these. But I never thought about that possibility. I guess I wouldn't have to join a dating service in that case.
Wanderer, I was tempted but at the last minute used my past dating experience to forgo what might have been the love of my life.
cartouche, three times? She obviously is discerning. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe we could try a threesome.
Stim, I have no idea what she looks like. I am not shallow, but for some reason I imagined her grooming might need a bit of a tweak. Just saying.
latethink, I think there should be a facebook club for ladies with chin hairs.
silk, you mean you haven't heard from her yet? Maybe she isn't that discerning after all. I would think your knowledge of Mad Men would have attracted her. I would think she watches good drama.
HILARIOUS!
I got that message from another woman. Come on I'm not gay enough! She mixed it up!
Roy, I take it you have not heard from her or it would have been a guffaw.
LandP, maybe she thinks I'm a dog too. The woman has broad taste.
Z, I have a feeling after this that I may be hearing from "the other woman" too.
I also got a letter from Exxon Mobil from some guy named Bill to claim my $3.8 million, so my life just keeps getting better!
Very official looking complete with typos. Of course he will need my SS# and my bank account number to make the deposit. He seemed like a nice man from the letter. I think I may have found a new friend.
Michael, how generous of you. I think I'm more interested in suzie than Bill ( she may be solvent), but if cartouche doesn't want a threesome with suz I may PM you if I'm really desperate.
fab, I think suz may be distraught but she'll have to eat some chocolate, have a glass of Malbec, and cry her eyes out.
But don't knock Scrabble. R.
John, baba, Mahler and getting a triple-word score. What could be better?
When it comes to gender confusion, I always have all the symptoms of a prostate problem...
Deborah, don't you get the ads for enlarged prostates? PM me.
Michael, yes cartouche plays hard to get, but I think suzy may tip her over. But are you thinking threesome or will you consider foursome? And if Bill joins, fivesome? (I must be really desperate.)
I think it's cuz my ISP has excellent spam filtering
Sheila, so happy that I made you laugh. At least you weren't drinking somethinga and it didn't come out your nose.
Michael, I'm not sure I can wait years. Maybe we need to rethink this. Except for the stretch Humvee.
Greg, you liked it so much you commented twice, even though you are succinct and the total is two words. Thanks!
Sirenita, she couldn't keep up with you. (Neither can I.)
Susanne, you have a happy marriage. Be thankful you wouldn't even consider suz, unlike some of us. ;)
Absolutely hilarious!
Rated.
:)
Owl, this was not something I was prepared for. Thanks.
Robin, you can have her. xoxo
Steve, I love Mahler, and Bruckner. I doubt suzy does. (She probably likes Tesh.) There is this wonderful academy in Miami Beach -- the New World Symphony. They perform lots of M and B, very well.
Suzy has capital I Interest in you, Lea - that's very serious. You may want to rethink it.
Mahler is good, Holst is good...depends on my mood. BTW, one of the guys in the Miami Symphony is a high school classmate of mine. I could listen to him for hours.
I don't think suzy could offer me that kind of pleasure.
Stephen, alas the Miami Symphony is no more. But there are others that Suzy might enjoy.
Thanks for deftly turning spam into a work of comedic genius.
So then does this mean I have a chance with you? ;-D
It would take the sting out of the fact that I, a mature man, never got a single e-mail from suzy. Not one.
Must be my profile. *SIGH*