When I bought my Miami condo almost 10 years ago I decided to redo my bathroom and remove the bidet (pronounced bee-DAY).
But the cost of removal was too expensive, as I’d have to change the floor as well. So I decided to keep the weird and seemingly useless thing.
At first I tried camouflaging it:
Then I considered repurposing it:
A fountain?
A cat bowl?
A shoe rack?
A library?
A pantry?
I eventually gave up and started using the bidet for its original purpose, just like many custom-cleaned people around the world. After doing my business I turned on the hot water fountain, slowly, till I got a nice warm stream, straddled the thing facing forward -- like riding a horse -- cleaned my nether region as if I were in a shower, dried off with a towel, and got a clean thrill.
It works, it saves paper, and it's sometimes fun.
The next time you see one gleaming at you in some foreign land like a silly looking toilet, think of me and go for it! (Or, more precisely, go first. Then go for it.)
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Comments
Kathy, I know there are all kinds of bidets nowadays, some right on the toilet.
Harvey, dusting? How about Clorox!
I'm just trying to figure out what color yours is. Is that pink?
:-D
Michael, I did do my wine glasses that I didn't put in the dishwasher for awhile .... ;)
Kathy, that sounds so sensible for a world clientele. I'm surprised more US hotels in major cities don't do that. And no, it isn't pink! Just the bathroom lighting.
Trig, you observant guy!
And when my brother converted an old house into his office he had to either leave the bathroom in tact or make the place handicapped accessible, at a high cost. So his wife converted the bath tub into a planter. It's still legal.
and of course trig didn't miss the tacos. ;
ocularnervosa, the thing is, it's all about the spray. There is a bath function, which pools water in the bowl, but I only would use the spray function --no touching needed -- unless I needed to soothe my butt.
I remember the first time I encountered a bidet. I had recently turned 17, and was traveling with my parents and another couple through Italy. In Rome, my room had a bidet, and I had no idea what it was. The husband, with a twinkle in his eye that should have alerted me to the joke, told me it was a foot washer. And that night, before bed, I used it for that purpose, bemused at those Italians, and their concern for clean feet!
:-)
designanator, I hear you. I could come up with at least that many. Hmmm.
Steve, I think that some people do use this for what some have called a "French bath." Just strategic body areas, including feet.
Rated
Mr. e, what could be more important than water and food?
Gary, ever the artist.
bluesurly, yes the cat misses the bidey. She thought it was the perfect water fountain. Now I run the faucet for her.
junk, the bleached bidet is probably more hygienic than my pantry!
Very creative ideas, loved them.
R
Argentina wouldn´t be Argentina if it weren´t for a bidet in each decent bathroom! In fact, if be happen to go to a bathroom without one (most uncommon event), the first thing we ask matter-of-factedly is "where´s the bidet?"
So, I must understand you DON¨T have bidets over there? How do you ahem, wash your nice parts then after ahem... going first?
I´m asking seriously. I haven´t travelled abroad further than Brazil, so your post beat me!
Kisses! I loved the shoe-rack bidet!
Marcela
Brave of you to finally give in, I hear they're great!
By the second day people were lining up for the bidet-ed rooms while the regular lavatory remained empty! At coffee in the morning we all remarked on how our hind sides were probably far cleaner than our face sides.....eeww I know...but it WAS funny!
Sheila, there's a post there, I'm sure.
John, you and my cat have the same idea.
Scupper, seems to make the most sense out of all of the options.
Oh Marcela, we USA types think we know it all, but our toilet paper hygiene is among the least effective in the world. Those of us who have the privilege of traveling outside the states are perplexed by a bidet, but once we get used to it (as I am trying) it makes immense sense and is far, far more effective. So, another thing for us to strive for, to better our world rep.
If you had crap on your face, would you rather wipe it off with some paper or wash your face?
American "hunger" for soft TP is five percent of old growth timber harvesting which might not sound like much, but is millions of trees per year.
Most of the world does not use toilet paper. Embrace water culture. Paper culture is filthy.
Marie, no joke. Studies show our mouths are far dirtier than the other end, bacteria wise. (TMI? ;)
Best use I ever made of a bidet was to fill it with ice and stick bottles of wine it in. As for its intended use, I am always leery of scalding my cheeky parts.
Gwen, try it, you'll like it. But they aren't easy to find around these parts, so to speak.
wakingupslowly, I think they make all kinds of portable ones now that can attach to your toilet. Check them out.
Thanks Bob. Just doing what a gal can do. Never thought of myself as "going green," literally.
And wine cooler sounds perfect in a pinch!
Pamela, I guess they have seem some pretty strange uses in Amsterdam!
Spotted, thanks for being a literary bidet fan.
Rated for some much needed laughs.
(It seemed cute at the time, but now that I think about it, the fact that she also used it for its intended purpose... well, it's not a "when you were little" story I'll ever tell them).
Torman, in much of the world they are as much a bathroom fixture as a toilet. But yes, they seem a bit scary if you're not quite sure what to do with them. They kind of loom, especially in the dark.
JK, thanks for the followup. Same as here, and the only reason I have one is that so many fellow condo owners here are from Latin America.
Sally, go Phillies! And see you soon, I hope.
I have to share this story - we were having a girls weekend in San Francisco (we all lived in the City at the time, but decided to get a hotel room). The room had a bidet. Two of the ladies had never seen, nor used, one before. My friend Tanya was explaining how it worked to them and when she turned the handle to demonstrate ... apparently she was overzealous in her turning, because the water leapt out and hit her straight in the eye.
After we were done peeing ourselves because of laughing so hard, we had to hope that janitorial really cleaned the bidet before we got there ...
Karin, you're welcome.
Deborah, not quite sure how versatile you got. I'm more conventional, I'm sure.
odetteroulette, I believe you.
sweetfeet, you can get a mini if you google.
Very funny, Anni. I hope so, too.
Rated for hiliarity too :-)
Oh, and I'll take a pass on the bumblebee tuna. I'll have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead....hee hee.
Cindy, you are too, too funny! Sounds like a potential spa to me.
Luis, yes. Toilet first. Oh my.
Jeff, makes sense to me.
http://open.salon.com/blog/teresa_m/2009/03/06/if_were_no_object
I also have a 'but it only takes a year to clean' spa tub courtesy of the the same previous owners. I bet you could do some nifty stuff with that!
I admit - I also though bidets were weird, and I was a little freaked out by them. But after I tried an electric bidet seat, I was totally hooked. I admit, it was a bit unusual the first time, but now it's at the point where I hate doing my business outside of the house, because I'm sort of addicted to being clean.
I'm really surprised that Americans don't know about bidets and are generally too freaked out to even try it. Weird.
I'm on a mission to bring the bidet to America, and to help, I put together a small bidet review site to help people learn about the most popular models and to find the best prices.
my advice to anyone who's never tried a bidet: Once you try it, you'll never want to be without it. :)
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