Lea Lane

Lea Lane
Location
Florida, USA
Birthday
August 26
Title
freelance writer/editor
Bio
“I’ve discovered the secret of life,” Kay Thompson, the eccentric entertainer and “Eloise” author, once said. “A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a lot of tra-la-la!” And that's been my life: As a travel writer for over 30 years, I've been around the block (more like around the world), and I write true stories about interesting people and places. I've lived an unconventional life in conventional trappings. Been a corporate VP, worked with foster kids, acted in an Indie ("Nurse 1"), was on Jeopardy!. I've been managing editor of a travel publication, written for the Times, and authored books. OS is my home, but I also blog on The Huffington Post, and I've contributed (mostly anonymously) to everything from encyclopedias to guidebooks. Married young, divorced late; married late, widowed early, I dated lots in-between -- and survived a scary illness. After being happily, peacefully solo for many years, I'm now happily married again. I founded and still edit www.sololady.com, a lifestyle Website for single women. I'm truly grateful for each precious day, each well-earned wrinkle, my family, my cat. Truth, laughter, friendship, late love. And this blog -- on this wonderful site!

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DECEMBER 11, 2009 8:06AM

Crossing the Atlantic Like Columbus (Kind Of)

Rate: 32 Flag

Azamara

 the Azamara Journey, crossing the Atlantic

I’m writing this watching waves fold to the horizon under a cloud dabbled gray-blue sky in the middle of the Atlantic. I’m on the Azamara Journey, the same small ship I took almost two years ago when I traveled solo to Antarctica. This time I’m not solo, and I’m in far warmer climes, on a a ship repositioning from Europe to the Caribbean.

Avoiding hurricane season, ships cross in the spring from the Caribbean to Europe and in late fall, cross back the other way.  If you’re lucky and savvy you can take advantage of this bargain adventure as the crew paints and otherwise spiffs up the ship around you.

Our cruise started along the Mediterranean –from Barcelona to Alicante Spain to Gibraltar to the Portuguese island of Madeira. Our last landfall was La Palma, in the Canary islands off the African coast, before turning west heading six days into the ocean and on to the Bahamas and Miami. (I’ll tell you about some of these stops on another post, with photos.)

This wonderful trip is a holiday gift from my new beau – and a way to make sure we can spend a couple of weeks together in a small cabin and remain smitten. (In previous testings with other fellas one of us usually failed.)

Columbus sailed from the Canary islands as the last known land mass on his way to discover a route to India on an uncharted sea, and he was busy! We were too. In fact, you might be interested in a synopsis of the options of a typical day at sea –Thursday, December 10. I doubt the Nina, Pinta or Santa Maria had slots and shows and virtual bowling (well, maybe a Spanish crossword puzzle: “Hmmm… four down… what we hope the earth is not ….”)

A Day in the Middle of the Ocean

Up early, at 7:30. Not sure what I'll choose to do today.  I decide not to “walk a mile” along the jogging track. I'll walk later. I could join the sunrise and stretch or sudoku and crossword at 8, but instead breakfast in the cabin. I usually have juice, a bagel and coffee, trying desperately to minimize the 7-pound weight gain of most passengers.

At 9 am there’s a service club get-together, or a special interest trivia (“All About Aviation”), at 9:30 shuffleboard, and at 9:45, visual trivia (“Flags of the World”). I pass on all. Shuffleboard is a cliché for elders and I’m not up on flags except for stars and stripes.

By 10 am most passengers are up and about and can choose from an Adobe Photoshop lesson in the computer room, a bridge players lecture, a Smithsonian lecture on the Poles, by the institution’s director for marine science. Not into lectures –I’m thinking arts and crafts: Santa’s underwear. Sounds more interesting than shuffleboard but do I really care whether Santa chooses briefs or boxers, or even goes commando? No. I’m bi-polar myself  as in “having traveled to Greenland and Antarctica”) but the Smithsonian lecture will later be shown on my in-room tv, so can catch it later.

At 10:15 there’s Tic Tac Toe Putt, which sounds like golf for dummies. At 10:30 more hard choices, including a fitness seminar on detox for weight loss, or pictionarions (who names these crazy sounding things in the daily bulletin?). Being a nice Jewish girl, I’m tempted by a latke cookoff. But who needs the calories and heartburn, I’m already eating for three.

A cha-cha lesson is given at 11 by Maryanne and Jeff, master dancers; but Beau and I already had a mambo lesson and I have cha-chaed since I was a teen in Miami Beach, so no need.  At 11:15 I could attend a tanzanite seminar given by the nice man in the jewelry shop who no doubt wants to tempt us to buy a bauble but I had bought myself one of those purplish-blue stones as a special gift to myself in Tanzania, shortly after my husband died eight years ago. Pass.

11:30 it’s Team Trivia. Games are overheated and loud, so I skip that and also the Spot the Fake raffle draw. I think I’m already pretty good at spotting fakes, like the Salahis.

So it’s lunch. And up to now I’ve done nothing but eat breakfast. Reading about all those activities has worn me out. I think I’ll nap by the pool, after checking out the buffet, where I especially like the Indian specialities and sushi.

After lunchtime, the activities continue. If passengers are into gambling, the casino features Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments through the afternoon and evening, and  $500 Mega Bingo and a Poker Slots Qualifying Round. As my dad was a pro gambler, I’m inoculated from these surefire ways of losing money.

Throughout the early afternoon there’s an Improv Acting Class, an Art Preview and Live Art Auction. We can sign up for the Talent Show, play Duplicate and Social Bridge, or take a Broadway Dance Class. Or we can join the Azamara High Seas Choir, or play a Virtual Home Run Derby.

I finally do something social! At 2:15 I play Battle of the Sexes. Men and women vying for points throughout the cruise, answering trivia questions. As I was long ago on Jeopardy, general knowledge is my thing and I make some contributions (“The Statue of Liberty was modeled after the sculptor’s mother” … “The three longest rivers are the Nile, the Amazon and the Yangtze ….”)

After the exhausting rigors of that game I decide to indulge in teeth whitening  next day day in the spa (hope it’s a calm day or I’ll wind up with bleached lips), while Beau will get a haircut. I’ll skip acupuncture or the cellulite reduction program. I can’t imagine needles placed in my body on rough seas. Bleached lips would be bad enough.

3:30 to 4:30 is time for “Elegant Tea” up in the fancy restaurant on the top floor, with harp music and scones and such. I’m still full of sushi, so pass. For harder drinkers there will be a later cocktail party and a martini tasting and (not surprisingly) a “Friends of Bill W” meeting. These discreet meetings are offered daily on most ships where alcoholic temptations abound.

Before the sun sets on the high seas there’s another late-afternoon computer class, and photo op with Santa with or without his underwear (see above if you are skimming!). And all kinds of dancing, music and cabaret entertainment  long into the night. Tonight’s featured performer was a backup singer for Barbara Steisand. Last night there was a comedian-magician and the night before a young guy who played a xylophone-synthesizer. Okay, it isn’t Vegas, but it’s a small ship, remember -- only 500 or so onboard.

For dinner we have a choice of two fancy restaurants on the top deck, plus the buffet restaurant, and the main dining room. We choose the dining room and sit with two other couples who seem to have participated in most of the activities. They look tired. Tomorrow night we are invited to dine at the captain’s table with our big Greek master of the ship. The poor man has to host table after table of us throughout the crossing.

Santa arrived before bedtime, offering cookies and punch in the ship’s library. Some passengers wrote  him a letter hoping to win another contest. I just sat on his knee.

I hope you get an idea of the options of a repositioning cruise, even if you don’t opt for them. Days are as active or as sedentary as you wish, and because we cross the ocean in iffy conditions, at bargain rates.

And I did accomplish a few independent things. I wrote this post. I read a bit of The Last Chinese Chef. I checked my emails. I walked up and down stairs, and a couple of miles on the jogging track. I watched Obama accept the Nobel Peace Prize as our satellite reception faded away. And before bed, as our ship headed further west on swelling Atlantic waves, I perused tomorrow’s completely new list of activities, placed on our pillow along with a chocolate.

Thanks, Columbus, for leading the way. And thanks, Beau for inviting me on the same voyage path over 500 years later. (I now admit, some cruise activities omitted here. Let's just say I save my energy for the things that count, Atlantic crossings or not.)

 

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FIRST! So, how is that "make sure we can spend a couple of weeks together in a small cabin and remain smitten." thing working?
Columbus who?

Great idea for a cruise, Lea ... "repositioning! I love it!

For me, it would be "point me to the bar(s), the sun (which I bet is outside) and the food." I would consider the extra seven pounds a war wound that would heal once onshore. Have fun ... stay on board.
Lea, you've been missed. Thanks for posting and Happy Hanukkah.
"some cruise activities omitted here" Yes, I did read the whole post, but this was what my "I Can Relate" brain noticed. :-)

I haven't been on a cruise in over a decade, but my parents go all the time (they're past 60 cruises!) and I just stopped asking them where they are going, what they are doing, eating, etc. But I LOVED reading about what your cruise offered! Things have changed! Teeth whitening?? Cellulite reduction program?? (And I'm not saying this is a bad thing...I think I'm back to the jealousy...)

I'm so pleased this is such a wonderful experience with your Beau. A cruise on that blue, blue water is where lovers belong. Hugs.
I do not envy you.

You lucky person...you!

I do not envy you.

From the picture, I cannot tell if the ship looks more like the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria!

I do not envy you.

Which is it.

I do not envy you.

And don't wear yourself out expending too much energy on "the things that count!"

I do not envy Beau either!
Okay...maybe I envy both of you just a little bit!

(grumble, grumble, grumble!)
If you ignore all the activity offerings, it sounds just like the more romantic past when ships were the only form of travel across the Atlantic. I'm curious--how's the weather in the middle of the ocean?? Thanks for this entertaining post--you did such a good job that I feel slightly seasick :) Enjoy the rest of your trip!
Ah, I had wondered what the hell the "Friends Of Bill W." thing was. Thanks for clarifying that. :-D

Sounds like a fabulously relaxing time. Just one question, as I guess I have a sharp eye when necessary. You said:
"But who needs the calories and heartburn, I’m already eating for three."

Uh, eating for three? I've got you and The Beau - so whose the third? :-D

Can't wait for the photos. Thanks for letting us sail along with you.

Loving every minute of it.
Feeling warmer already. I wish.
Like Columbus, but without the rats and scurvy! But seriously, I'm thrilled for you, and am struggling not to be insanely jealous. Hope you enjoy time with your beau and will share more pics soon!
Oh what a wonderful warm up for me...I adore the sea days best, all those wonderful choices to refuse!

Glad you are conserving energy for the important things, fork lifting, hair dryer battles and writing a blog! Enjoy the rest of your cruise, I'll take the baton next week!
As someone who went from being terrified of water to adoring days at sea, I can attest my favorite cruise ever was a crossing, New York to Southampton, eight days at sea, nothing to do but make mischief and have adventures (which will always find you at sea, regardless). Good luck testing out the sea legs of the new relationship. Enjoy!
I have always wanted to do a cruise but I just hate the thought of all those damn activities staring me in the face. Do they offer a cruise where they just leave you alone and you don't have to join in on all that "fun" stuff?

Rated.
I'm with O'Rarely on this: How is the cabin sharing going? A true test, indeed....

Rated (and awaiting one of your priceless travelogue features with pix)
Sounds like a delightful trip. I can't wait for pics.
Unlike OM I have never been on a cruise and to be honest never cared to give it a try. But reading your description and with no obligations and no place, days spent in the sun or perhaps some busy with omitted cruise activities? Sounds pretty cool.
You sum up the whole cruise experience quite nicely. I've only been on one, but the sheer volume of food, drink and activities is just staggering. (At first, I was kind of surprised to see that Friends of Bill W. meetings were offered every day, but I think it's an absolute necessity. An alcoholic surrounded by that much booze, and no way to get off the ship, is probably going to need some help.)

I hope you remain smitten!
Isn't there a class in "How to Survive if the Boat Hits an Iceberg?"
Have fun.
R
Am checking in, but at these ship internet rates will give a mass comment. Thanks all of you for coming by--Sheep, Frank, Dustbowl diva, Pilgrim, Bill, Kathy, Rod, Boa, Gwen--etc.

First, yes O, Outside and others, still smitten.

Also, as many things as they offer you don't have to do a damn thing.

Karin, the weather mid-ocean has been on and off. Right now we're heading toward the calm of the Sargosso Sea, but last night we were dipping and rolling (which can be nice).

Torman, if you hang around your cabin you aren't even aware of the activities. Just stare out to sea, punctuated by eating and such.

Buffy, enjoy your ship soloing. I sure have through the years.
I have always wanted to cross the Atlantic on an ocean liner. I have done it in a sailboat and it was not nearly so relaxing. Of course, when you are sailing the advantage is that you will arrive weighing less than when you left, lots of work to do.

Glad to know you're having such a good experience with "him."
glad to hear you're enjoying the parts you're not telling us about. whew. was afraid for a minute it was gonna be all about ... well, not that. ;)

can't wait for the pics and travelogue of sites on the european side. sounds lovely, lea.
I've been missing you and your posts and wondering where you are, and actually thought the other day, "Oh I bet she's off on some romantic adventure with her new beau" and am so glad you are!

Given that, how kind of you to write such a funny post telling us what it's like. I'd also never heard of these repositioning bargain cruises and am intrigued...although K has sworn he won't go on a cruise until he's 65 so I have a long wait.

Keep enjoying yourself and the Beau and we'll look forward to more posts from you when you return all repositioned!
Looks like being smitten is an activity in itself. I think you two will do just fine. I like the tea in the afternoon on cruises and avoid anything buffet like you avoid heavy breakfasts. My kids love the free room service though ;0)
Besides all you describe, Columbus also got a masseuse and turn down service. I think you're getting short changed.
Oh, this is wonderful. I've missed you but am enjoying the idea of what you're enjoying, energy-saved-for activity-wise. Happy Chanukah, Lea, and may many more miracles continue for you.
Hi all, from somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Ain't technology grand? I will catch up on posts later next week.

Jeanette, Bill W has been on every cruise I've taken. Must be difficult for former imbibers.

John, actually they showed the Titanic on my Antarctic cruise. I have no idea why as it scared us all.

femme, I wouldn't kiss and tell --just imply.

jane, it's amazing how silly info comes in handy.

silk, appreciate your thoughts. Lots of cruisers are younger. Especially on the shorter trips.

whoopdedoo, your wonderful name says it all.

stim. were you around during Columbus's time?

Thanks Sally. And Happy Chanukah to you, too.

Ablonde, would love to read about your adventure!
Does the Staten Island Ferry qualify as a "cruise?" If not then I've never been on a cruise, though I do play a lot of shuffleboard.

Rated
OK, Leah, count me among the insanely jealous. I've done two cruises and a crossing -- UK to US -- and have been seriously considering that circulating joke about retiring on a cruise ship. And why not? Except for the outrageous internet fees, of course. I hope you are still happily bundling, and I can't wait to read your next chapter.
If I may: Sally, a new picture? Would that be Amy? (Hard to tell)
I am so jealous! Have fun..now where is that winking guy??? ;)
Pictures! I want pictures!
Littlewillie, a cruise on the SI ferry is really special and a rite of passage.

Judy, retiring on a cruise ship is a great idea. Beats an assisted facility and probably costs less.

lunchlady, he's winking right now.

Coming soon, Steve.
Wow! So much to do and the choices, It would make my head spin. I hope once you come back from your vacation, you and beau won't need a vacation from the vacation. I know how that can be. Sometimes the best vacations is to garden and listen to the radio late into the night.
Agree with you, Luis. Except I didn't do much but relax. Options are optional.
I love the word 'smitten'. Sums it all up so succinctly.

Enjoy it all, though I have to say, I love playing shuffleboard!
wakingupslowly, then with a name like yours and a love of shuffleboard you might just get smitten with cruising!
I've never once played shuffleboard on a cruise. There are so many far more interesting things to do, most of which involve champagne.
Sounds like fun, Lea. I've never really wanted to do a cruise, but you make it sound heavenly.
Kathy, different strokes for different folks. I'm with you on that.

Frank, the best part is getting to choose between not doing a thing or doing almost anything you want.
Hopeful loads o' warm finds you Lea! Shot pics for a Line long ago, ran away when offered a gig shootin' captains dinner w/passengers stuff. imagine 3 months on board @ a time, yikes... You deserve this bliss... Thanx for the update...RRR
Hey, Lea, welcome back. I want to wish you and your Beau a blessed and joy filled Holy Season.

Glad that you enjoyed it. That list of activities looks mostly like "work" to me. I like your approach much better. A warm day, a poolside and a good book sounds good to me.

I continue to be happy for your "changed" social status. Good on you.

Monte
Patrick, I think I understand why you didn't take the gig, but I could see myself for three months on a ship. Still have wanderlust.

Monte, thanks so much. Yes, I'm at sea right now, and relaxing when I'm not checking in here. :)
Fantastic! Happy sailing and relaxing, Lea. Now get off the computer and go play! :)
Another wonderful Lea adventure! Done in the perfect Lea Lane style. I did start to feel a little claustrophobic about the 6 days on the ocean part...not sure how I would do with that...but again, you continue to inspire.
Actually, Columbus was pretty good at the cha-cha. Sounds like a wonderful trip. I'm so glad Beau shares your love of travel. Have a great time and keep us updated. You're making us jealous. And we love it!
This is exactly what I needed, thank you!I love fashion ,so i red news about fashion,an old saying that woman like all beautiful things .such as replica jewelry ,yes every woman want to have an beautiful handbag .what do you think ?