Firinghandgun.gif
Everything about Gloria was oversized: her body, her ego, her bank account, but most of all, her appetite. She didn’t just eat two portions of everything. She sometimes ate two meals at one sitting.
Gloria was our twenty-something press contact in Panama, a government employee so to speak, but really as she confided almost immediately, a girlfriend of the vice president. This was a time right after the dictator Noriega was deposed to the states, and Gloria felt he was a “good man.”
“See that house over there?” she pointed, as I checked out a mansion the size of Graceland. “I live there.”
“Oh,” I said. “Your family has a lovely house.”
“No, no. Not my family. I live alone.”
Gloria insisted on buying the writers on that press trip lots of extras: hot fudge sundaes (“Take two Lea, they’re sooo good”), local perfume that smelled like jacaranda blossoms, tickets to the opera. She paid for them herself, not the tourist board, for a dozen of us.
When we boarded one of the ragtag colorful public busses in Panama City to experience the local scene, she made a face and declared she had never been on that kind of bus before. I believed her.
I roomed with Gloria one night in a small inn in the mountains outside the capital. She slathered herself in creams and wore a huge nightgown, covering herself from neck to toes. We gossiped a bit about our lives, so different and interesting to each other.
As we were about to get into our beds she whispered, “Lea, you know Rohairmoo? “
“Who?”
“Rohairmoo. The man I slept with. He bueno.”
I had no idea whom she was talking about until she opened her purse and showed me a clipping of herself in Cannes from a few years before. The newspaper article was in plastic. There she was, a much slimmer Gloria, on a beach, in a bikini. And next to her, Roger Moore.
“James Bond,” she smiled. “He very good.”
Hmm, I thought to myself. Roger and I had at least one thing in common: going to bed with Gloria.
And then she ate her chocolate on the pillow at the inn outside Panama City, and then she ate mine, and she went to sleep almost immediately, with the lights still on, snoring like a truck driver. And from the smile on her face she might have been dreaming of Rohairmoo, or another hot fudge sundae.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
ccdarling
nilesite
cancerdancer
Liberal Southern Democrat
Emily Rapp
Nick Carraway
Salon.com
Comments
The questions is, where was Rohairmoo in his career when she was with him? Was this James Bond-Rohairmoo or Cannonball Run-Rohairmoo?
Priceless . . . simply priceless. From the characterization of Gloria, to the snappy ending, this is just great!
This was a wonderful read. Many of your posts are delightfully winsome as well as artfully engaging, but this one is special charmer.
I'm reading along happily, enjoying the rhythm and imagery of your narrative, and then stumble onto this line, “Hmm, I thought to myself. Roger and I had at least one thing in common: going to bed with Gloria.” You made me laugh out loud.
I love your writing. Thanks so much for this post.
Rated and appreciated.
I think Ya ought to stay put in Kansas and watch the Weather?
Oz?
No tease Truck Drivers in bed? They don't snore in bed. Nope.
I feel like eating at a Korean Restaurant and get a Rock Hairdo.
I heard the music of Rockmanoff and the ice cream `Truckers.
PMS?
Bah.
"I live alone"
Good idea
Ya no spat
milk and cookies
eat three X's a day
No house grouches
Cranky drips-drips
other may be hole
holes in the roof
eat alone in attic
no invite nasties
;-)
Ya be a helpmeet
I go rock in chair
no be real loopy
(And there is NO James Bond other than Sean Connery. All due respect and everything, but....)
Glad you guys are enjoying my memory of Gloria. (And Art James up there in the comments, a special thank you for stopping by!)
Rohairmoo sounds like something Disney could come up with or Dr. Seuss.
R
At first I thought Rohairmoo might be some kind of bizarre body hair removal product. Roger, I so apologize.
My life seems so tame when I read about yours, Lea!
rated
R
Brian, maybe after he slept with Gloria that's what happened. But whatever he did, or was, or is, she thought he was very bueno!