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It seems we have forgotten two little rules that make the world go 'round smoothly.

 1.)  Don't get drunk and have sex with anyone you don't real-world know that well,

and

2.) Don't get drunk and have sex with anyone you have reasonable cause to suspect just might be crazier than you.… Read full post »

In addition to being a female-bird-in-a-male-bird's-body and a nymphomaniac with a fetish for oscillating fans, Elvis is apparently a furry.

And she's very possessive of her new lover.  I have the bite marks on my thumb to prove it. Read full post »

Wow.  That'll learn me.

 I go out for a day and try my best to get a real world life, and when I come back all this shit's going down, and everybody's yelling at everybody, and everybody else is yelling at them to calm down and stop yelling, and thirteen OS… Read full post »

"Since his wife died, he has been in love with the birdbath.  Typical Southern sense of reality."--Flannery O'Connor, on her pet swan Mr. Hood. 

They've been preening, talking to, singing at, and generally showing off for this pretty birdie for over an hour now.

 … Read full post »

This is why I say I became a success the moment I left town.

(The people in question are in the first segment:  Sascha Collins, Ericka Spoonire, and Dano--he went by Danny back in the day--Keihn.  I rode bus route #12 with the Keihns in grade school, and the little shit… Read full post »

1.  When I was in school in England I kept having a recurring dream that I was being followed around by a lobster.  The lobster never threatened me, it was just a lobster.  I would be absolutely terrified by this until I woke up, then wonder what the fuck was wrong/… Read full post »

This little guy walked in to the gallery and came up by the desk and just sat there for a few minutes looking at me till a customer almost stepped on his tail. Then he panicked, flew into the window, and knocked himself silly and into the trash can. I… Read full post »

What happens when writers dress themselves.

Dearest and most esteemed readers, 

In honor of all the slutty Nurse/ slutty cheerleader/ slutty Dorothy Gale/ slutty witch/ slutty zookeeper/ slutty teacher/ slutty nun/ slutty bride/ slutty slut costumes complete with visible garter belts and stocking tops we'll all be seeing tonight and tomor… Read full post »

OK, Dad, you were right. There ARE things between New Orleans and Morgan City besides the swamps and a bunch of Cajuns. There are also sugarcane fields, trailers, primer-colored vehicles, bingo parlors, abandoned drydocked boats, United Holy Metal Building Churches of God, porno emporiums, Confederat… Read full post »

Along with the much more numerous and visible Irish, Italians, French, Spanish, African-American, and Vietnamese groups, New Orleans has a sizeable German population.  A few months ago I learned that ALL of my father's ancestors emigrated not just from Germany to Indiana (which I already kn… Read full post »

I’m a bad American.

I completely forgot that Friday was September 11. 

See, I was in Ensenada, Mexico, building houses for Youth with a Mission/Homes of Hope.  My little brother’s company sends people down several times a year to do just that, and since they didn’t have e/… Read full post »

I actually came up with this character eight years ago, when my mother was in the hospital after an emergency hysterectomy.  She was peeing through what was called a "supra-pubic catheter" (basically a tube through a hole in her abdomen) which the nurses kept calling a "superpube.… Read full post »

“[It’s] under the guise of quote, volunteerism, but it’s not volunteers at all.  It’s paying people to do work on behalf of government. There are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people get trained in the philosophy the gov… Read full post »

Look, Mr. Beck--I have very, very strong disagreements with President Obama on a number of issues, but you're talking out your ass here.  I WAS an Americorps volunteer.  I joined Americorps in May 2002, two weeks after graduating college, and left after completing my te… Read full post »

This spoof of MTV's Cribs was made by natives of St. Bernard Parish for their film class at the University of New Orleans.  Nearly every home in that suburban parish took on several feet of water, often to the roof line. 

It had several friends of mine who lost eve… Read full post »

Here Jerry the cockatiel has his way with the knot on the top of the cage.  I tried to film Elvis getting her tailfeathers ruffled by the oscillating fan, but she doesn't want to make a sex tape.  She stops doing that as soon as she sees or hears the camera. … Read full post »

 Beloit College in Wisconsin has released their annual "Mindset List," or what are and aren't cultural references for the incoming class of freshmen.  I'm always interested in these lists, though they always depress me a little bit, as they began as a reminder to college professors to "watc… Read full post »

This is a meme going around Facebook.  It's a bit on the teeny-bopper side, but still could be interesting.  Copy, cut, and paste into your own blogs with your own answers, because I want to know all about you, but not in a stalker kind of way.

1. Who was your… Read full post »

In which I meet Don Draper for drinks. 

Caption contest begins now. Read full post »

Yesterday, I learned of Mad Men Yourself!

Unlike Verbal Remedy's virtual clothes-tryer-onner, this one actually came up with an avatar that pretty much looks like I do in real life.  (BTW, I have this dress in my closet.)

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