A reading from the Book of Leeandricus: 

Verily, I say unto thee, thou shall train up thy sons that that raiment which is clean shall be hung up on hangers or put in the drawers, and that raiment which is unclean shall be put in the hamper.  That raiment which is clean shalt not be mixed with that raiment which is unclean, lest both be considered unclean.  When the clean raiment is brought back from the place of purification, it shalt not be left in the sack but shall be hung up on hangers or put in the drawers, for to draw clean raiment from the sack for seven days while dropping unclean raiment upon the floor is unclean.  Neither clean nor unclean raiment shall be left upon the floor, for this is an unclean abomination upon the whole house.

Thou shall train up thy sons that when they are finished strumming upon their lyre or harp, they shall put the instrument away in its case and not leave it upon the floor of the room in which the feasts are prepared, lest the High Priestess stumble into the fiercy furnace.

Thou shall train up thy sons that that which is unclean refuse shall be put in the vessel in the room in which the feasts are prepared, and when the vessel runneth over, it shall be taken out of the house and placed by the road, so that those whose labor and toil it is decreed to take the unclean refuse and cast it aside into the darkness shall do so before the sun rises on the seventh day.  The unclean refuse shalt not be placed in a sack and left beside the entrance to the house, for the High Priestess may wish to host travelers, and travelers may be angels in disguise, and to leave unclean refuse at the entrance to the house is an abomination, and shall bring plagues of unclean beasts and locusts upon the whole house, and the High Priestess shall be filled with wrath and curses.

Thou shall train up thy sons that that which the High Priestess uses in her rites of purification they shalt not touch, for their touch shall make these things unclean.  Neither comb, nor razor, nor toothbrush, nor deodorant, verily, I say unto thee, these things they shalt not touch. 

Thou shall train up thy sons that they shalt not approach the High Altar Upon Which the Sacred Texts are Written without blessing from the High Priestess, for doing so is an abomination and there shall be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.  Thy sons shalt not approach the High Altar even if the High Priestess is away at her labor and toil, for the High Priestess shall know, and the wrath of the High Priestess knows no bounds.  Thy sons shall instead attend unto their own altars at least on every seventh day as is fitting and just, and separate the parchments from the pipes and goblets of intoxicating drinks and broken lyre strings offered sacrificially upon their own altars, that which is so anointed be saved for tax purposes and that which is unclean refuse be cast aside into the darkness. 

Thou shall train up thy sons that while they prepare the feast, they shall watch the fire and the pot, that the feast neither boils over nor burns to the bottom of the pot.  If the feast has been burnt to the pot, the pot shall be considered unclean, and only he who did the preparing of the feast shall perform the rites of purification to make the pot considered clean again.  The pot shall be soaked in water for one night, but shall be purified and dried before the sun sets on the next day, or the pot shall be considered unclean, and the wrath of the High Priestess shall be provoked, and there shall be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Thou shall train up thy sons that if there be a mouse, or lizard, or other unclean beast that creeps upon the earth, they shalt not scream like a young maiden if they see one in the room in which the feasts are prepared.  The presence of unclean beasts in the room in which the feasts are prepared is a sign of uncleaness, or of the harvest season being upon the earth.  The unclean beasts shall be caught with traps and taken out of the house and cast aside into the darkness.  Verily, I say unto thee, thou shall train up thy sons to empty the traps with cheerful countenance, and not fail to buy them at the marketplace on the way home from their labor and toil, for failing to do the first shall cause them to forfeit any claims of manhood, and for failing to do the second shall bring about much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Verily, I say unto thee, thou shall train up thy sons in these things, and thy sons shall be a delight unto thy heart in thy old age, and thy daughters-in-law shall rise up and call thee blessed.  But woe, woe be unto thee if thou failest to train up thy sons!   They shall be cast aside into the darkness by thy daughters-in-law and return unto thee as a burden in thy old age, and thy daughters-in-law shall consider thy sons as having been raised in the stables by unclean beasts, and thy household shall be dishonored, and thy name shall be cursed unto the third and fourth generations.