1.  When I was in school in England I kept having a recurring dream that I was being followed around by a lobster.  The lobster never threatened me, it was just a lobster.  I would be absolutely terrified by this until I woke up, then wonder what the fuck was wrong with me.  I did not have this dream again until I went back to England in 2007 and 2009.  Then I had it both times.

2.  I had a sex dream about Alex Trebek once.  Sadly, Mr. Trebek is the only celebrity that has ever invaded my dreams that way.

3.  I have also never had the dream where you can fly or the dream where you go to school naked.  I’ve had the one where there’s a test coming up, but it’s for a class you didn’t know about, and it’s in a building on the other side of campus where you never go…I have that one about once a week.

4.  I once dreamt that I’d gotten married to my childhood friend Scott Lecher and then forgotten about it.  I was in his apartment in those buildings behind the Slice Pizzeria on Weinbach Avenue in Evansville, Indiana, and I was there in the kitchen with his roommate Chris drinking this shitty homemade beer that all the guys were making that winter, and Scott walked by and was really rude and nasty to me.  I asked Chris what the hell his problem was, and Chris told me he hadn’t gotten laid in six months.  I asked why he had to go and take it out on me, and Chris said, “You DID marry him six months ago,” and then I remembered the whole thing—white dress, priest, bridesmaids, big dance at the Knights of St. John hall with the hog trough with the older unmarried Lecher siblings dancing in it, Mrs. Lecher being all happy and crying—and I felt absolutely AWFUL because while Scott’s a great guy, I did NOT want to be married to him and the Lechers are so Catholic that if I divorced him I knew he wouldn’t remarry.  Then I woke up in a cold sweat and it took me a little while to realize I was in my own dorm room, in my own bed, and I was not Leeandra Lecher.

5.  I dreamt last night that I was in a car with Alex Trebek and Florence Henderson and we were driving around Santa Claus, Indiana, looking for a hospital because Ms. Henderson had a broken leg.  There was no hospital, so I kept suggesting that we go to my friend Joe’s house and ask him what to do, but Mr. Trebek was driving and he would stop for directions to Balthazar Drive but he wouldn’t accept them unless the gas station attendant answered in the form of a question.  We got in a big fight about this, and Mr. Trebek threw the car keys at my head and told me to go drive then, but the car had a manual transmission and I never learned to drive a stick.  Ms. Henderson said that she knew how to drive a stick but she couldn’t because of her broken leg.

I obviously need to quit watching so much Jeopardy!