No, Lee, tell us what you REALLY think...

Leeandra Nolting

Leeandra Nolting
Location
New Orleans, Louisiana, United States
Birthday
July 08
Title
Assistant Guru (not to be confused with Assistant to the Guru)
Bio
Proud native Hoosier who’s settled permanently in New Orleans. Teach English. Live in an old whorehouse with three very talkative and sexually-confused birds and one very talkative bird that isn’t sexually confused at all but just wants what s/he wants, which is pretty much everything and everybody. They appear quite frequently in my writing. Former bedpan wrangler, radio announcer, preschool teacher, and freshman comp. instructor. Once accidentally picked out A Clockwork Orange for a make-out movie. Have a very rational appreciation for the works of Flannery O’Connor and the television show The X-Files and an irrational fear of Meg Ryan. All my friends are drunks.

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Salon.com
DECEMBER 20, 2011 11:12PM

Seven Things I'm Not Supposed to Like But Do

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Part two of the open call:

1.  Los Angeles.  This is everything I hate about a city--a giant sprawling smoggy ugly strip mall that goes on and on and on, punctuated by far too many billboards for cosmetic surgeons.  Surprising the hell out of myself, I really liked it.

2.  Circus peanuts.  There is nothing natural about circus peanuts, and yet I hold with the belief that they are nature's perfect food.

3.  Not having someone to pick me up at the airport.  OK, I like having someone to pick me up at the airport when I come home, particularly when the alternative's a $30+ late-night cab ride from Louis Armstrong Airport back to my apartment.  But I also like NOT having anyone there, especially in a strange city.  I can figure out almost anything when it turns out that I have to.  This makes me feel smart.  I like feeling smart.

4.  Assembling IKEA-type furniture.  You probably wouldn't guess from all the godDAMNitmotherfuckingsonofabitches I'm letting fly as I drop screws and bend finishing nails, but I'm having the time of my life.

5.  Getting my costume on.  Generally speaking, I hate people.  I also hate having to do my hair or makeup or get dressed up.  Oddly, though, I really enjoy getting my costumes together for Mardi Gras, Halloween, or the many theme parties my friends throw on a regular basis.

6.  Amazon.com.  No, I don't approve of all of their business practices.  No, I don't like that they're putting brick-and-mortar bookstores out of business.  Here's the thing, though:  all the "Support your local Mom and Pop bookseller!" guilt trips are coming from people who grew up in big cities or university towns.

Wanna know what Greensburg, Indiana, had in the way of books for sale when this here bookworm was growing up there (1980-1998)?  A Christian bookstore, the Val-U Book Center (specializing in used Harlequin romances), Wal-Mart (Christian books, Harlequin romances, Tom Clancy novels), and the book section of On-Cue Music and Movies (two shelves of Tom Clancy novels, Leonard Maltin's yearly movie guide, and movie novelizations).  To get anything beyond that, you had to drive 45 minutes to the Waldenbooks (or was it B. Dalton?) in Columbus, or else an hour and a half to the Borders on the north side of Indy, or hope that what you wanted would be featured in the little onion-skin Scholastic Book Club order form they'd send home with you from school about every two months.

Amazon was a HUGE game-changer for people in small towns who liked to read.  Suddenly, almost any title in the world could be in your hands.  Don't knock that.

7.  Riding in the bed of a pickup that's driving 55 mph down Highway 46.  No, I don't do this anymore.  Yes, I know it's horribly dangerous.  But see where I grew up.  This part of me is not going to change.

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