AUGUST 15, 2011 2:56PM

It’s Official: Over 2/3 of Republicans Are Crazy

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The Iowa straw poll, where a minority of wingnuts in a minority party dominated by right wingnuts decide the early dropouts from the presidential race, have decided that Tim “Mr. Dull” Pawlenty is just not loony enough to be the Republican nominee.  The results are in:

Establishment Republicans (The Pinstriped Suit And Alligator Shoes, Wall Street Type)

Mitt Romney             3,567

Tim Pawlenty            2,293

Newt Gingrich             385

Jon Huntsman              69

Thad McCotter             35

Sane Total                 6,349 (29.3%)


Wingnuts And Extremists

Michele Bachmann 4,823

Ron Paul                   4,671

Rick Perry                  2,718

Rick Santorum         1,657

Herman Cain            1,458

Insane Total           15,327 (70.7%)


So the Batshit Brigade garners over 70% of those people willing to travel to the Iowa State Fair and pay money to vote.  Of these candidates, the only one to officially drop out at this point is one of the sane ones, Tim Pawlenty.  What’s really depressing is that the lowest vote total from the crazy wing, Herman Cain, was quite nearly three times the total of the three lowest sane candidates combined.

 What else have we learned from Iowa?

* Among the sane crowd, only Mitt Romney has any hope of the nomination.

* Only Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann pose credible threats to Romney’s inevitable coronation, and those are small threats indeed.

* The Ron Paul Four Year Cicadas came out as they do every four years, just as they will in 2015.

* Rick Santorum and Herman Cain are totally clueless as to their electoral prospects.  The Teabag Crazy Wing has already chosen Bachmann and Perry as their finalists.

* Newt Gingrich has only one purpose to remain in this race- to raise enough money to retire the campaign debt that he has run up.  If only he could just put it all on his Tiffany card.

* Jon Huntsman might be the only one in the bunch that could appeal to moderate Democrats, which is why he failed to reach triple digits in the Iowa Batshit Straw Poll.

* Thaddeus McCotter may have the coolest name in the bunch, but if anyone but his mother actually invests money in his campaign they need psychiatric help.

* No matter who the Republicans nominate, he/she would refuse to accept a deal that would lower spending by $10 for every $1 of new tax revenue.

* Michele Bachmann showed remarkable ability to deep-throat a corn dog, a feat made even more astounding by the inability of her Seriously Not Gay husband to replicate it.




 What’s next?  Well, we move at a blistering pace from Iowa in August 2011 all the way to…. Iowa in January 2012.  The suspense is killing us:

* Will Newt’s campaign outlast his third marriage?

* How many times will Bachmann and Perry bump into each other without acknowledging each other?

* Will the Huntsman campaign end one day after the Iowa caucus, or can it lasts for two days beyond Iowa?

* Can Michele Bachmann stay a size 3?  Can Marcus Bachmann lose enough weight to fit in a size 7?

* Will anyone throw anything harder than a marshmallow at Mitt Romney?

* Will Rick Perry’s hair stand up to the January Iowa winds?

* Will a Thad McCotter rally ever need a room larger than a boxing ring?

* Will Sarah Palin announce her intentions before the Republican convention?

 Looks like we can all take four months off from worrying about presidential politics.



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Thank you for this very amusing article Left is Right. I needed this after watching a lot of this Iowa news this weekend. The Republicans have turned so far right wing that it amazes me that they win any elections. That amazing all hands raised against the 10-1 spending cuts over revenue raisers was the last straw. This crowd are just blank minded lemmings going over the cliff. Heaven help us if any of them are ever elected.
Good post, Left is Right...funny stuff interspersed with cold, hard, frightening fact.


Howard Schneider, you wrote: Heaven help us if any of them are ever elected.

My guess is that one of them almost certainly is going to be elected. We Americans have fallen that far--and are that superficial.

Obama is going to lose--he will be a one-term president. I really like him and would love for him to win, but I just don't see it happening.

In any case, the silver lining is that the economy is in the shitter--and it ain't coming out any time soon. The Republicans put it in the toilet...and they should own it when it is flushed. (Which, more than likely, will happen on the next watch!)
be kinder to ron paul. he is noxious in some areas, but how many politicians do you know who want to bring the legions home?
The right-wing politicos are sociopaths. The rank and file are crazy. That's my take.
There's still the Don factor. Will Trump show up as a spoiler come January and what about maverick Palin? Will she become the destroyer of another Republicans dream before the end of 2012? Oh this is going to be a fun year.
We can blame all this on Ronald Reagan. Ironically, he'd stand no chance of getting nominated for 2012. Too liberal
There is some sarcasm in this response as to walls and such.
Sarah Palin is biding her time, under the radar, if she wants to, and letting them all bash one another until it is her and Romney, which is what it always was, although she is in effect letting Bachman try out as her replacement.
Just remember too, sometimes people who are "Far Right," are just that, right. People who think pegging an interest rate to zero forever is crazy, like Ron Paul, have been proven correct before, as it implies unboundedness in the money supply if it went on long enough, like in Weimar Germany or with Allende.
Just remember too that the use of the term "mentally ill" was popular in the former Soviet Union, now headed by a KGB officer, again, as people who didn't like the Socialist state were found to be needing an attitude adjustment with drugs.
Volodya likes to treat Russian social cancers with radiation therapy, like Litvenenko, "The FSB has a cancer, so we gave it radiation treatment," LOL, although mercury is also popular, as is the bullet in broad daylight, the latter for Anna Politikovskaya, the former for her attorney after the shooting of the latter in broad daylight for writing things about Volodya he didn't like it might seem.
But only "crazy" people worry about such things I suppose, like history and unbounded creation of money, and KGB officers, and labeling anyone who isn't "politically correct" as crazy.
Maybe you are the one that is really crazy, and just don't see it because you only hear an echo chamber of other Leftists?
Good Post - Left is Right Again! They don't call them "Porn Dogs" for nothing! Check mine out as well! R
Still hoping for a Ron Paul-Dennis Kucinich third party ticket for 2012, since Ron would never get the official Repub nod. Why would they help him to the top when he refuses to adhere to the party line?

Circumstances are ripe for a third party ticket win this time around. Ron's integrity appeals to those sick of partisan politics, hostage negotiations and extortion. The mainstream media's campaign to exclude real Ron Paul results is actually helping sway more voters to the Paul view, and it's tuning more Americans in to the current situation with the mainstream. Disillusioned Democrats can vote for Ron without feeling like they're voting for a Republican. Disillusioned Republicans feel like they have a viable option that doesn't make them want to hang themselves. Independents just seem to appreciate the explanations behind Ron's positions, and all his supporters enjoy having a candidate that actually makes sense. Kucinich holds views that are similar to Ron's on many topics, he pulls in more Democratic support, he's already publicly stated that he'd be willing to run with Ron, and a bi-partisan campaign will attract even more voters in the wake of the debt-ceiling-extortion debacle.
Howard and Frank, thanks. What's frightening to me is that "hard right" is now the Republican center. Ewwww.

al, I do agree with Paul on bringing the troops home. And I believe he honestly believes what he says. I am still very troubled by his racist newsletters of yore and his whacky fixation on the gold standard.

ocular- I think Trump is too busy with his TV show, not to mention that nasty financial disclosure hurdle. As for Palin, I'll tackle that later.

Don, one can never be certain of one's own sanity. I still say Paul is a dangerous guy- nobody should be that cock-sure of his beliefs.

marilyn, thanks and I'll visit your blog in a sec.

sick- I'll address Paul in a future post
I'm amazed that you have Newt under the sane column, and I'm not too sure about McCotter, who really wants to be in a rock band more than in the White House.
Ardee, Newt was Speaker at one time so he did have some gravitas. He's kind of pissed it away in the past several years. He's probably the loosest cannon on the sane side. As for Thad, gosh I don't know. The best I can say for him is that he hasn't said anything batty enough to put him in Bachmann territory.