SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 1:06PM

Debate Questions We'd Like To See

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Tonight’s debate promises to be a showdown between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry as each claim theirs is bigger- tax cut that is.  Michele Bachmann will show the most leg and the least intellect.  The five dwarves will wait for their limited share of the spotlight and try not to look annoyed as the Big Three hog the limelight.  The questions- and the answers- are as predictable as the phases of the moon.  If we’re going to make this worth tuning in, we need to get a moderator who asks the questions we’re all thinking of.  Here’s what we like to, but won’t, hear tonight:

Governor Perry, since you entered this race, you’ve skyrocketed in the polls.  Do you think the people are really ready for another slow-witted Texan in the White House?

Governor Romney, what is in your 160 page economic plan that can’t be summed up as follows:  “Cut taxes, cut regulations, drill more oil” and precisely how is your plan different than that of every other Republican in the known universe?

Congresswoman Bachmann, you oppose virtually all federal spending, except it seems when your family is on the receiving end.  Why didn’t you feel hypocritical when you accepted federal subsidies while in charge of your father’s farm or when your husband billed Medicare for counseling gay men to “pray the gay away”?

Mr. Speaker, you seem to be remaining in the race just to pay off your campaign debts to date.  Is there any reason why we should ask you any questions?

Time for the first group question- all of you as Republicans have expressed your fealty to the memory of Ronald Reagan.  Yet Reagan raised taxes 11 times during his presidency.  What circumstances would cause you to emulate Reagan and raise taxes?  Anyone?.................Anyone at all?

Congressman Paul, you repeatedly state that you are not a racist, yet many times extremely offensive racist statements appeared in newsletters bearing your name over the years.  How can you hope to exercise control over the government when you apparently can’t exert editorial control over your own newsletters?

Senator Santorum, in July of 2002 you said that the Catholic Church sex scandals in Boston were somehow the fault of the political culture of the area.  You stated and I quote: “it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm.”  Is there a way to interpret this quote without your being a flaming asshole?

Governor Huntsman, you’re mired in the polls.  You have no hope for the nomination.  Everybody knows you’re running in hopes of being the running mate to the nominee.  Which of the three people with a ghost of a chance, Bachmann, Perry, or Romney, would you prefer to run with at the top of the ticket?

Mister Cain, is there any truth to the rumor that you’ve accepted the role of George Jefferson in a movie remake of the television series?

Time for our second group question:  would any of you like to take a few minutes to explain any areas of disagreement that you have with either Rush Limbaugh or Grover Nordquist?   Anyone?  ….. Anyone at all?   No? 

At this point we’d like to say farewell to Mr. Gingrich, Mr. Cain, Mr. Paul, Mr. Santorum, and Mr. Huntsman.  We all know you aren’t going to be the nominee and nobody gives a rat’s ass what you have to say, so get your losing asses off of my stage.

Governor Romney, are you going to reprise your ridiculous tale of “hunting varmints” as a youth?  That really was comedy gold.

Governor Perry, you refused to consider commuting the death sentence of Cameron Willingham in 2004 despite the scientific analysis that the alleged arson did not occur.  In 2009 you fired three members of the Forensic Science Commission because they were about to present the report that there was no arson.  Do you think that a governor who orders the execution of an innocent man despite new scientific evidence disproving his guilt and who then fires members of a commission to keep the case out of the headlines during a presidential campaign has the moral integrity to seek the office of the presidency?

Congresswoman Bachmann, your husband Marcus- is he or isn’t he?

Governor Romney, in 2009 you sold your home in Massachusetts and moved to a $12.5 million home in La Jolla, CA.  Yet you claimed to be living in your son’s Massachusetts basement and cast a mail-in ballot for Scott Brown in 2010 on that basis.  Where did you spend most of your time and did you commit voter fraud?

Governor Perry, 26% of Texans don’t have health insurance, compared to the national average of 17%.  9.5% of Texans, the highest percentage of any state, make less than minimum wage, compared to 6.0% nationwide.  Can you explain why we would want the national economy to be like that of Texas?

Congresswoman Bachmann, you once called on the media to investigate members of Congress to see if they are “pro-America or anti-America”.  Is everybody who disagrees with you anti-American?  Who died and proclaimed you queen?

Finally the last toss-up question:  the wealthy elite and the corporations are right now sitting on over $2 trillion in liquid assets because there simply isn’t enough demand for them to invest in producing jobs.  How exactly is giving the wealthiest in the country an ever-increasing percentage of the national wealth going to do anything but increase the wealth gap and eliminate the middle class?  And to follow up, why haven’t ten years of tax cuts on the wealthy produced any jobs so far and why should they in the future?  Anyone?  …..  Come on, don’t be shy.   Anyone?   Anyone at all?

That wraps up our debate from the Reagan Center, please stay tuned to this NBC station to see our talking heads speculate on whether Sarah Palin will get in the race.


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the funny part is that none of this is funny. just a straight forward light shown on the group that may contain the next president. i console myself with the realization that there is justice, and americans do get the government they deserve.

now if you would just stay home and stop screwing the planet, we could all enjoy a laugh.
Al is correct. The next president may be in the group you mentioned. (Most likely will be, in my opinion.)

We do deserve the government we get.