Some people compare politicians in general, and sometimes Obama in particular, to abusive husbands. They tell us what we want to hear, we fall for their lines over and over again, and eventually we “wise up” and leave them. It makes for some good blogging material, but it isn’t true. Sure, we can compare the public to a long-suffering wife, but I’ve got a better analogy. So, America, YOU are the long-suffering wife, and here is my open letter to you:
Open Letter To America
Listen up, you silly bitch! The problem isn’t with the guy you’re with now, the problem is with YOU and the guys you have been with before and can’t stay away from now.
Your problems started in 2000. You actually picked a pretty decent guy, but then this creep took it to court and said that you belonged to him, and you went for it! So he moves in and some hooligans do a great deal of vandalism on your property. All of your neighbors were right behind you in condemning it, so what did your brilliant hubby do? Go across town to someone’s house who had nothing to do with it, wrecked their lawn and barbecued their family dog. Now all your neighbors hate you because of that pinhead you were with. That nice little bankbook you had? Mr. Brilliant spent it all and wrecked your credit buying tiaras for his girlfriends in the gated community.
You had a chance to leave this buffoon in 2004, but you decided that the suitor with the Purple Hearts wasn’t “manly” enough for you and that the former male cheerleader who dodged the draft by joining the National Guard and then dodged the dodge was somehow the second coming of Rambo. So you stayed with the blithering idiot who convinced you that lowering your income was the key to balancing your budget. Really now, if you swallow something that stupid, you expect sympathy? For four years you let him trash your credit, wreck your house, and dig an enormous hole in your yard. At last it was time for him to go.
So in 2008 you finally land a decent guy. Even the blindest squirrel gets the occasional acorn. So the new guy moves in and starts to take care of some of the many problems that you have. He starts to repair the foundation of the house and address some long term financial issues that you have, but your ex’s family are spending all of their time hiding his tools, wrecking his work, blocking the concrete trucks from getting in, and telling passersby that your new husband is a commie. So do you lift a finger and tell your ex’s family to take a hike? No, you decided in 2010 that your ex’s family should have more control over your house. What a brilliant move that was! Now the ex’s family is crapping all over your floors, eating your vegetable seeds, pulling out the plumbing, and gang-tackling your husband every time he tries to fix anything around the house. Did you fall out of the Tree Of Stupid and hit every branch on the way down? You’re seriously thinking of dumping the only decent guy you’ve had in years because your ex in-laws don’t like him? You think your ex’s half-witted country cousin who promised to pick right up where that bonehead left off is going to make you happy?
Here’s what you do if you have a bone of sense in your body- tell your ex’s family that you’re on to their lying low-down ways. Then kick them out of your house once and for all. Let your husband help you and let his family into the house to help him. If your ex’s family keeps on trying to break into your house and take your money and send it to the gated community, sic the dogs on them.