Like many others, I was almost too angry yesterday to write coherently. Mostly, I wanted to scream, cry, and find some people to beat up. But that wouldn't have gotten me anywhere, except perhaps jail. My partner and I had thought about going to one of the protests yesterday, but by the time I got home, she was too depressed to leave the house. She said “It’s not like we had some elaborate wedding planned, but what do these people think we are? Monsters?” This just upset me more. It was bad enough to have the proverbial knife driven through my heart yesterday by that ruling; but to come home and see how upset my partner was just drove it deeper. She opened the door for me and I could see that she had been crying. That killed me. There wasn't much I could do to comfort her because I wasn't going to spout out some line that everything would work out. I don't know that it will. We've seen over and over again that this supposedly liberal state is anything but. Where we live, in the state’s capitol, we are surrounded by the type of close-minded, hateful bigots that passed Prop 8 in the first place. On the news, KCRA had a poll on whether or not people agreed with the ruling yesterday. At that point in time, over 2500 people had responded and almost 70% AGREED. I left the room. I couldn't hear anymore about it if I didn't want to go off into some homicidal rage.
There is a rational part of my brain that knows the ruling was more about how the proposition appeared on the ballot, not what it was actually about. But that doesn’t mean I’m not infuriated by the whole thing. As a feeling, thinking human being, it’s difficult for me to understand how the Prop 8 supporters think. Do they see all gay people as aliens? Monsters that are going to enslave and brainwash them? We have better things to do. As I mentioned in a previous post (http://open.salon.com/blog/lemonpulp/2009/05/05/are_those_my_civil_rights_in_your_pocket), all we want is what everyone else has. The right to marry the person we love. How is that a bad thing? Shouldn’t we been encouraging people, ALL people, to have loving, monogamous relationships? And let’s not fool ourselves that heterosexuals set a great example for the institution of marriage. The reports vary, but the latest statistics show the US divorce rate hovering around 40% (http://www.aboutdivorce.org/us_divorce_rates.html). So, are the bigots afraid that gay marriage will actually set a better example than their heterosexual cohorts? I rarely hear an argument based in anything but religious objection from these people. “Marriage is between a man and woman because that’s what’s in the bible.” Yeah, and it also said you should stone your wife if she cheats on you. Marriage is a CIVIL contract that can also be “validated” by a religious institution. The bigots need to get this through their thick skulls. If they want to continue to believe that from a RELIGIOUS perspective that marriage should be between a man and a woman, that’s their prerogative. But don’t stand there and tell me that I don’t have the CIVIL right to marry the person I love.
I know the battle will be long. I know there’s the possibility of another defeat next year. But I also know that eventually we will win what is rightfully ours: EQUAL rights to marry those we love. And I hope those that are sitting on the fence will open their eyes and their minds to what this is really about. I hope they won’t be fooled by the propaganda spewed out by the religious institutions. This isn’t about taking over the world or brainwashing your children in school. This is about granting the same rights to every citizen in this state, in this country. How often does someone else’s marriage actually influence your life? Rarely, right? So why deny others the right to have what you have or at least have the opportunity to have? It’s fear, pure and simple. We fear what we don’t understand. We have to create an “other” to stabilize our own identity. And when that “other” looks like us, could be us, we panic. We demonize, we discriminate, we hate. And we spread that to others. We spread this fear and hate to our children, and they spread it to their friends. And this continues generation after generation. And the weak and small-minded thrive on this hate and they use it to feel better about themselves and what they do. They need to be stopped. We need to stop it. Because if we don’t, even WHEN we win our right to marry, they’ll just find someone else to demonize.
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suzie
Lunchlady's daughter
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Margaret Feike
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Comments
"And the weak and small-minded thrive on this hate and they use it to feel better about themselves and what they do. They need to be stopped. We need to stop it. Because if we don’t, even WHEN we win our right to marry, they’ll just find someone else to demonize."
It is my hope that WHEN we win our right to marry (and I hope and pray that we do), WE will have stopped it - so we can also quit demonizing.
So all this demonizing of Gay relationships goes straight to the core of my soul and feels like a knife twisting inside me. And I wonder how is it possible that they cannot see that my pain, my grief, my loss is just as valid and real as every other human who has lost the love of their life? When people say there is one God, I have to disagree! My God is very different than theirs!
The Bible is a good and hefty book and should be used for good purposes. Bitch slapping the zombies from their collective stupor would be a good use.
And surely you read Justice Werdegar's concurring opinion, with all its tortured logic:
"...all three branches of the government continue to have the duty...to eliminate the remaining important differences between marriage and domestic partnership, both in substance and perception. The measure puts one solution beyond reach by prohibiting the state from naming future same-sex unions as 'marriages,' but it does not otherwise affect the state's obligation to enforce the equal protection clause by protecting the 'fundamental right...of same-sex couples to have their official family relationship accorded the same dignity, respect, and stature as that accorded to all other official recognized family relationships.' For the state to meet its obligations under the equal protection clause will now be more difficult, but the obligation remains. "
This seems to mean that the word "marriage" will be eliminated altogether. There will be no Marriage. All partnerships will be domestic in nature; contractural in substance. This ought to be a hoot!
This particular issue, like anything else of import in this country regarding civil rights, will take time. We must all be patient; we must be vigilant; we must not raise our voices in anger, nor hang our heads in shame. The right will prevail.
You have all my support.
I said several years ago that I, as a heterosexual woman, would not marry until all people in this country could marry. I still stand by that. Some may think it's grandstanding and stupid, but why anyone objects to two adults who love each other getting married is beyond my ken. I simply don't understand it. I rationalize it as their fears, their prejudices, their need for control. But in the end, I simply pity them, because it's the only way I can prevent myself from hating them, and I don't want to hate. Please know that there are many of us standing with you.