I missed my anniversary.

Yep, my OS one-year blew by and I didn’t even blink. Good thing I didn’t need to get anyone a present. I’d probably have spent the week sleeping on the couch. This realization came to me last night as I tried to drift off to dreamland. Instead, I was staring at a dark shadow in the corner of the room, wondering if it was a piece of clothing or something waiting for me to go to the bathroom so it could pounce. In my brain, this thought led to my time on OS. I know, you’d have to be an engineer or something to figure out how my train of thought works. So there I am, staring into the darkness thinking about my time on OS and how so much has changed in the last four or five months. In fact, these thoughts became so entrenched in my brain that I had trouble sleeping and actually dreamt about OS and this post! Yes, I do know I’m disturbed.

When I came to OS, I didn’t write all that often. That was a crazy and stressful time in my life and I just didn’t have the mental capacity to write as often as I wanted or needed. I was facing a furlough, a real estate hunt and move, and family life was not going well. All this after two years of stress and struggling. Many days, I felt like I was living in an abyss that I would never get out of. Flash forward a year and life is very different. I’m still dealing with some issues, but life has improved immensely. Part of that comes from my own commitment to write as often as possible and to face life with the attitude that I can get through pretty much anything and I’ll be ok.

My writing has evolved here. I’ve always been told I was a good writer by teachers, but I have spent most of my life doing academic writing. I rarely wrote drafts of my assignments. I got an idea, thought about it for a few days, gathered my support, wrote an outline, took a shower, had a snack, then sat down to write. Mind you, those things didn’t all happen in the same day. Or necessarily in that order. But that was my process. If I got writer’s block, I’d just hop in the shower. Almost always worked. I couldn’t start without an introduction. I worked out the normal issues any young writer has: repetitiveness, lack of support, etc. By the time I reached college, most of those issues were gone. But I never really wrote for fun, not the way I do now. I read a lot, especially once I was in high school. When I was younger, I didn’t read nearly as much. Sure, I had phases where I read a lot, but not like now. I haven’t read nearly enough of the classics, but I could talk to you a lot about medieval literature, fairy tales, mythology, Star Wars, and a host of other topics and genres. I had an early penchant for satire, parody, and Shakespeare, as some of you have discovered recently (thanks Cranky Cuss and Writer Mom for the inspiration).

Two of my first three posts got some decent attention and I was absolutely thrilled. It was just what my ego and psyche needed. I shouldn’t need others to validate my writing, but at that point in time I did. It was also nice to have people converse with me about the topics and know that I wasn’t alone in the way I was feeling. I didn’t write, read, or comment as often as I do now. Again, I just didn’t have the time or energy. But I knew OS was where I needed to be. I went several months between posts here for the first six or seven months. But in March, I had something of an epiphany. If I was going to get out of the mindset I had been in, a lot needed to change. I needed an outlet for all the baggage in my head, because until I got it out, there wasn’t room for more creative work. I received my first, and so far only, Editor Pick the month before with an office inspired version of Dante’s purgatory. From there, everything else just started to spill out. I wrote about my own issues, leaving myself vulnerable, something I have always avoided. I learned at a young age that if people know your weaknesses, they’ll use them against you. I’ve been betrayed by friends on multiple occasions. I learned to put up a wall to protect myself and very few people got through that wall. But that also made it difficult for me to make friends and let people get to know me. It continues to be a struggle, but I have less of a defensive wall now. Writing here has helped me with that. I’ve found people who have gone through similar things and are struggling with similar issues. I may not have a large following, but I have a loyal one, and I cherish that. I love logging into OS each day and reading all the wonderful posts. I enjoy interacting with my friends here.

As I continue to experiment with my writing, especially more fiction, music posts, and some book reviews, I look forward to hearing from those who honor me by coming by and reading. And I look forward to reading more from all of you. This is a wonderful community and I’m so grateful to be a part of it.

Oh, and if you haven’t had a chance to read my Shakespeare parody, I highly recommend it. Good times…