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lemonpulp

lemonpulp
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February 20
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writing my way to sanity, one post at a time. you can also find me at pulpyprose.com

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JULY 21, 2010 5:55PM

Me and My Shadow

Rate: 32 Flag

Seems there's this thing following me around all the time. No matter what I do, I just can't shake the damn pest. Even on cloudy days, I feel it lurking, waiting for an opportunity to show itself. At night, it waits in the corners, watching me, looking for a crack in my exterior that it can use later to get inside. Like it or not, this Shadow is here to stay.

I'm not talking about the shadow that I cast in the light. No, this is the Shadow that we all have, that many of us deny. It is the Shadow that causes us so many problems. It is the Shadow that Peter Pan had so much trouble controlling. This is the Shadow of our Self. The Shadow that encompasses all that we are uncomfortable with, all that we fear. In the Shadow, we can find those qualities about ourselves that we do not want to acknowledge, that we do not like.

In the last several years, I've tried to live harmoniously with my Shadow. Some days I succeed. Other days, I fail miserably. I've thought about filing a restraining order against it, but I'd just be filing an order against myself, and I suspect that could land me in a padded cell. Not exactly the vacation I'm looking for.

There are times when others point out the contents of my shadow and make me acknowledge them when I'd rather not. I'm not always up for the showdown with my Shadow. I've been battling it a lot lately. The fight has left me depressed and exhausted. I sometimes wonder if the contents of my Shadow aren't partially made up of the fears and weaknesses of those around me. Or is it that my battle with the Shadows of others is useless one? If they don't know that it is their Shadow fighting me, how can I possibly win?

The problem isn't in the Shadow itself. The Shadow is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. Our Shadow is supposed to make us uncomfortable. It is supposed to make us question our motivations, our goals, our fears. We are supposed to embrace our Shadow as a true part of ourselves, but most of us fail to do so. When we keep our Shadow at arm's length, saying "Oh, that's not me," the Shadow fights even harder to make itself seen.

Do you think the politicians in this country have accepted their Shadows? One look at the headlines will give you that answer. This country is overwhelmed by Shadows screaming for attention and acceptance. The more we fear that which we do not understand, that which makes us uncomfortable or calls into question our belief systems, the bigger our Shadows get. The left fears the right; the right fears the left. We all have the same qualities, but we refuse to acknowledge that we are like "them." We are different, but we are the same. We all have Shadows in need of attention.

My Shadow has put up a neon sign, forcing me to look at those issues I'd rather ignore. I don't want to acknowledge my weaknesses right now. I don't want them pointed out by others. I know they are there. I know they need attention. But right now, I just want to live without my Shadow getting in the way. The irony is that when I ignore it, it only gets bigger, louder. My brain, my psyche tells me to acknowledge it, to embrace it, to take steps to make positive changes. My soul says "enough already." But the soul won't get better if I ignore my brain and psyche. It's time to hold hands with my Shadow and bust out a round of Kum Ba yah. It is time to make peace with my Shadow.

Have you hugged your Shadow lately?

 

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Excellent! Jung has alot to say about this - you sound like you've been around the block a time or two with Jung! I had to quit fighting my shadow years ago because it was beating the crappola out of me. Instead, we looked into each other's eyes, grinned a little, and began to dance. It ain't always a graceful dance, mind you, but I figure as long as we're holding hands at least it can't whack me upside the head! msp
My Shadow knows my OS password.
A thoughtful post. I afraid to look at my shadow. One day, I think I'll see a tail!
Oh sure. Challenge me to deal with my shadow 'cuz you're taking yours in hand . . . fine . . . I'll try not to get skewered by my shadow's damn horns . . .

(Very good post, by the way.)
kit - i've spent a lot of time with Jung over the years. call me crazy (no pun intended), but I like to read him for fun.

cranky - that explains A LOT! :)

bv - oh, the tail isn't so bad when you get used to seeing it...

owl - thanks:) if it makes you feel better, my shadow has a pitchfork and has poked me so many times in the ass, it now looks like swiss cheese, which i suppose is better than looking like cottage cheese...what were we talking about?
This is very good, lemon. Lately, I have been inviting my Shadow out for a cup of tea. Sometimes, my OS posts are the result of one of our 'sit-downs.' I'm hoping by the time the Grim Reaper rings my doorbell, I will have confronted all my self-loathing, all my fears and conquered them, thus dying a peaceful woman. Not easy at all.


Lezlie
I guess it's when you don't deal with your shadows that they overwhelm you and cast darkness over you. Maybe it's time to journey into the sunshine.
I think mine talks to me sometimes, lemonpulp, and I need to listen to it more. This is a very thought-provoking post ;I'm going to read it a couple of times again later. ~R
Good thinking. We all need to integrate the shadow side to be whole. Then in turn, it loses its grip on us.

One thing I know for sure, in direct light, my shadow looks way bigger than me but ....it's an illusion.
Ah. It has a name. It has a presence. The Shadow. (and I think this is brilliant-thank you)
my Shadow and i are on speaking terms.
I keep all of the lights turned on when I sleep so I can't say that I have seen my shadow in years, but that doen't mean that I don't have one.
(R)ated because lemonpulp can't even write badly about non-existent dark thingees!
Should I be reading about this while Ghost Hunters International is on?
Excellent imagery. I cast a very long shadow and when I spend much time looking at it I feel so small. It reminds me of all the shitty things I've done, people I've let down and challenges I didn't have the courage to face. But, as you point out, that's its job.
Oh, and rated for beautiful writing. As I was reading this Harry Nilsson's "Me and my Arrow" kept running through my mind with your title substituted.
This is terrific and yes, I have. r.
Boy, did I read this at just the right time. Thank you. Truly.
Excellent post. Lots here to ponder.
We dogs don't have shadows in the sense you're talking about do we? Or is shadow just what's there when a dog loses his impulse control? Maybe we really are shadow, and the "I" controller is just a mirage ? I'll ponder that some while I nap. Thanks for the food! (For thought)

Buffy- (Me and My Shadow)
lezlie - thanks:) being on good terms with your shadow is a good thing. i haven't invited mine to tea. maybe that would help. some of my writing is also a result of my "quality" time with my shadow.

walt - just make sure you take the sunblock. those meetings can be long and brutal.

fusuna - if i've discovered anything, it's that our shadow is always talking to us. the trick is quieting down all the static and white noise enough to be able to hear it. then we have to actually listen, which is even more difficult.

scarlett - you said it. the more we ignore it, the harder it grasps us.

sophie - thanks! i can never really look at anything the same now. i see Shadows everywhere.
chuck - that's a good thing. i have a love-hate relationship with mine.

fred - oh, i'm sure it's there somewhere. check under the bed:)

vanessa - only if you want to be creeped out and imagine shadows all over the place:)

rodney - thanks:) yeah, our shadow doesn't make things easy for us sometimes. and i love harry!

jon - thanks! good to know you hug your shadow now and then. it's good for us.

beth - i'm glad it was somehow helpful! good to see you here:)

trilogy - thanks! sometimes i make myself tired with too much pondering.

buffy - i think maybe the impulse control could be the shadow at work. in general though, you dogs are too pure to have this murky shadow lurking within you. if anything, you see your shadow in your dreams of chasing cats and squirrels:)
i'm not at all sure whether i'm liking this idea. hmmm. one way, then the other. still not there. but it's *very* interesting and well done. and obviously thought-provoking. -r-
I haven't thought about my Shadow in years. Could be that I need to go back and re-read Jung. Thank you for this thoughtful post.
I have to admit, I'm really mean to my shadow. I'm not a fan of my worst self. rated.
My shadow and I are on a first name basis._r
Brilliant post and deliciously writeen and vice versa. I have only just recently discovered the courage to recognize my Shadow and I suppose now it is time I reckon with her. Rated for bravery.
Lately, the better angels of my nature have been in peace talks with my shadow, and it seems to be working. For every negative thought my shadow comes up with, my angel replaces it with a positive one. So, after a while my shadow surrenders. R-
I've periodically wanted to be on the Equator (or wherever one has to be) so that my shadow was directly beneath me at noon (or whatever exact moment it happens). The idea of being completely on top of it or supported by it... just seems intriguing. I like to strike strange poses to make my Shadow look goofy. Makes me think I'm in charge for a fleeting moment.
Superbly written!
I think you live partly in my head...lol...