Where I prattle on...

Leonde Delmare

Leonde Delmare
Sticks, Maine, US
February 22
Iron Works
I was born in Philadelphia but not sure where I will die. Everything that has happened in between is history.


Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 3, 2010 10:16AM

On Misotesty: In 1o Easy Steps

Rate: 27 Flag

All this misogyny and I started wondering what the equivalent word for the hatred of men should be. Does anyone know what the word for the hatred of men is? Why do we know the word for the hatred of women so well? Why has misogyny become so well instituted in this country that we, women are dismissed as crazy bitches if we make too big a 'to do' of misogyny?

Maybe the word for the hatred of men is "misotesty" and we need to start the practice of misotesty at an early age. From birth, in fact. We don't want our young boys to think we view them as equals or superior.

1. As soon as the young boy is old enough, he should assume the domestic duties of the household. Usually by the age of seven or eight he can begin assuming most household duties and chores. Not only should he clean up after himself and do his own wash but he should think nothing of cleaning, washing and cooking for a family of 5 or more. He is however, allowed to eat at the family table after serving but he must also clean the kitchen after the meal.

2. At a suitable age, the young boy should obsessively think about how attractive he is to the opposite sex. He should examine himself in the mirror regularly and compulsively to make sure he fits the standards of the commercial industry selling many products and services to make him physically perfect. Any cosmetic surgery should be available to enhance his physique to any whim or standard set by women's popular notion of attractiveness. After all, if the cosmetic surgery makes him feel better about himself why shouldn't he get pectoral muscle implants? 

3. The boy should think nothing of older women pinching, groping, making sexual innuendos or expecting sexual favors from him in order to secure a position or career. He can claim sexual harassment but let him prove it. We know all that equal rights stuff has been shot down and a thing of the past. I get so sick of hearing boys complain about not getting a job they were qualified for because some woman in the good old girl's club already had an in and plays poker with the boss woman.

4. If a boy finds himself pregnant, by law, he should be assumed totally responsible for the pregnancy. If the pregnancy is brought to full term, the laws should be ironclad that the baby is handed over to the boy for all nurturing, care and financial responsibility. DNA testing will be a free service to women to establish the paternity of the baby so that the woman can identify the boy without the need to appear on the Maury Povich show. The woman has free reign to decide if she wants to be any part of the child's life or just exit stage left.

5. At an early age, boys should consider any sexual pass or other uncalled for sexual attention or advance as a compliment. The boy should be encouraged to engage in pornographic behavior as an appropriate way of dressing, being and performing. He might also be enticed into prostitution and other sexual services with the belief that he is really only valued and good for one thing. This belief should be normalized through mass media from print to movies. Pornographic films are made to mainly view the male in orgasmic ecstasy with plenty of full frontal nudity of the male and only slight views of the woman dominating and leading. The voice over is typically the man moaning in pleasure accompanied by cheesy elevator music.

6. Suitable occupations for the boy should be relegated to services that caretake or nurture children and others, or are subordinant to women. The best occupations for boys are nurses, teachers, waitresses or secretaries. In order to make the man still feel appreciated, one day a year there will be a designated day to honor such occupations like a Secretary's Day. Women in positions of authority should make the boy feel special at least one day a year. 

7. From an early age, boys should be encouraged to look frilly and pretty, and realize they are not capable of doing math or participating in any scientific or engineering exploration. Putting an elastic bow covered headband on a baby boy's head may help begin this process of encouragement. Boys have to learn very early to be realistic about their mental limitations and restricting blood flow to the brain is a good start.

8. Boys must realize that they are biologically limited. Their brains are different than a woman's brain and so are their bodies. Women are stronger and better because they can reproduce. A boy is incapable of reproduction but totally suited to stay at home, clean house and raise children. A boy's body is made to pleasure a woman. 

9. A boy should understand that a woman's biology necessitates that she find the best man to father children. She must spread her eggs and expose them to many diverse gene pools in order to produce superior babies and improve the human race. This is a woman's biological imperative and hard wired in her brain. The man should be patient, accepting and understanding of a woman who wants to sow her wild eggs.

10. If all else fails and a boy starts screaming equal rights, equal pay, equal voice, equal anything, call him a crazy bitch. Shock treatment and other mental health service interventions may be necessary. The pharmaceutical companies have some great drugs to control the unbalanced hormones and abnormal rages of boys these days.

I hope these steps help anyone to better understand the word, "misotesty" and why boys are the way they are today and how they should act appropriately within contemporary culture. After all, boys will be boys.

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Our own Jonathan Swift, right here.
Actually... the term is misandry. :)
FLW - I feel very complimented...
iamsurly - thanks, I prefer "mistesty" but I really appreciate the proper word - still wondering why people hear misogyny and know the word misogyny. I plead ignorance to the word, 'misandry' but mistesty is so much more appropriate and amusing for me because I made the word up and I'm sticking to it...hmmm...so men get to be androyous and women are just gynoyous...but I like being androgynous.
Bonnie- thanks for the word history - guess I was just lazy this morning too...making up words instead of doing my research...hey, it's Sunday and I'm snowed in and my dicktionary is packed away in the barn...
Stellaa - I have called this genital focus, "by virtue of penis"...among other things...I try to find humor in many things in my life that have been challenging to say the least...
I, too, thought immediately of Jonathan Swift. Congrats!
Hawley - thanks. I tried to add humor and turn tables...
Stellaa - I have gotten very loose with language - I blame James Joyce and Ferdinand de Saussure...MEN!
Hmm. You're not feeling a little testy on this subject are you, Madame D?

Your points are well-made, though I think it's a bit of a testament to certain progress we humanists have achieved in shifting the prior status quo that your steps stand out as extreme measures, whether they might be applied to boys or girls.

A perceptive and erudite woman such as you is also, I feel confident, well aware of the many ways our society has been failing its boys for the last couple of generations and might fear, I should think, repercussions of that -- which we should begin seeing sooner, rather than later.

A great read on the subject, for those interested, is Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys, by Michael Thompson. There's also a great PBS piece on it, preview here.
Brilliant stuff, Leonde. I'd add: by the age of seven, boys should be taught how to diaper and change and feed a new baby, and take over primary responsibility as the person raising the children in the household, in addition to taking numerous babysitting jobs out of the house just to get pocket change. All this should be done without any expectation of allowance or reward.
Stellaa - yes, I admire and credit their work for inspiring and fascinating me for years. Joyce's formidable lingual art in word play and Saussure's linguistic philosophy that paved the way in showing how language influences culture.
Ouch! Just ouch!

(And awesome, too.)
Lonnie - ha, ha testy, yes...thanks for going with my humor and yes, being the Aunt of 4 wonderful nephews who lovingly call me Aunt Manly, and I'm also about to become a mother-in-law of a fine young man as well as me being a denizen in the gym moving iron with men half my age...and being quite the mother in the free weight area...I do understand the challenges of young men - I was just making a testy point after all the misogyny...
Kathy - YES!! How could I forget when I was that age, I took care of my baby sister - when diapers were not disposable. I also forgot to write that boys should be given baby dolls and barbie dolls...good call!
Steve - didn't mean to hurt - just sayin' and playin' - I think your writing is awesome too, even for a man... ;P
Very funny! Good work! I pondered writing something but then decided not to touch the mis-ogyny subject with a ten foot pole since today was Feel Good Sunday. I have spent much time with misogynists in the past & didn't even want to consider it. It makes me so mis-erable!
This is great. Thanks for taking the initiative and DOING something.
Great post, rated.
This is pretty darn brilliant. r
It says a lot that when we read these descriptions they seem so impossible and ridiculous. I will think twice about those head bows in the future too! :)
Thanks. Just thanks. This is fantastic.
Long ago I learned to appreciate my others eglatarian (sp) views.
Although I have to admit the diaper thing still isn't something I look forward to. Why is it nothing an anmial does bothers me?

This is a great bit of work, inspired and very developed.

Congradulations on your cover; I refrain from teasing you about being a covergirl. I wonder sometimes if people understand that 40 years in the entertainment industry (show business) has jaded me and that I see that for what it is, social manipulation, commerce not philosophy.
I've often thought that if boys suffered at the same rates of girls for anorexia, bulimia, rape and abuse, that we'd call a national emergency.
Scarlett - I understand why you did not want to touch the topic while some women like Sandra bravely and brilliantly burn through the topic and all I do is apply comic relief like the court jester.
Thoth - we all need to take initiative on many fronts to make the changes we dream in our culture. As you know, there is power in writing and some very powerful writing here at OS - all of the other writers on the topic inspired me. Thank you!
Joan - thanks for stopping by from one mom of a daughter to another mom of a daughter.
Froggy - thanks for hopping by and reading. We get some of you green froggies in Maine - I know it's not easy being green...
Tammie - glad you enjoyed. I appreciate being appreciated for my musings.
wschanz - the entertainment industry is indeed a subject for endless study in the ways of marketing and communication. An industry that keeps getting mega bigger with more vehicles for disseminating the good, the bad and the ugly...
Love this, Leonde. "Sowing wild eggs" and "Boys have to learn very early to be realistic about their mental limitations and restricting blood flow to the brain is a good start," especially made me giggle. Misotesty too. Sounds like soup. I love it.
Magnificent. I needed the laugh today!
For those who missed it when it first appeared decades ago, I recommend the classic in this genre: If Men Could Menstruate

Nicely done Leonde. Gender inequality, favoring men of course, is so pervasive, so built into the fabric of our culture, that it's easy to not even notice it, especially if you're male. This post makes the point beautifully.
Whatever the term used, you certainly made your point, Leonde. Really clever post.
Wonderful stuff Leonde - and witty. Congrats on the EP as well. This was a wonderful counterbalance and such a fun read. You the bomb!
I do appreciate satirically pointing out how we're currently failing our daughters. But when we don't like how far the pendulum has swung in our direction, the best response is not pushing it back the other way.

I hope everyone realizes that our boys and girls are not being taught these things by only one gender. At one company's Take Our Daughters to Work Day outing, the girls were not shown the company's inner workings, run almost exclusively by women, but were taught the finer points of homemaking - at the direction of the women in charge.

When I hear someone say, "if men got pregnant then..." I usually point out that, even though I can't physically bear a child, I'd still like more than a week off work to be with my newborn. It's not gender, it's just business. Having a child is a liability (to them) and that men can't have them means they get to write them out of the equation. Great Britain just recently changed the maternity/paternity laws so both parents can jointly share the 6-months' (yes, 6) paid leave.

I'm not trying to suggest anyone "pity poor, straight, white male me." I believe everyone should be as free as they should be equal. We'd all do better to not force onto others our expectations of them.

I disagree with the notion of "if men had to endure what women do then things would be different." Primarily because those things would be happening to men of little consequence to the people in power. Yes, women have been disadvantaged, at least, by our culture, but so have other people based on the color of their skin or sexual orientation, as so have plenty of men who weren't of the ethnicity, religion or politics of those with the might to strip others of their rights and dignity.

People in power want to keep their power by keeping it from people like you. Not because you're you, but because you're not them.

(sorry for proselytizing in your space.)
I like good satire. Rated.
I'm puzzling over this. Is it satire, really? It feels outdated. I think it would be satire if people were genuinely raising girls this way today. I don't know...

(I don't mean to offend--I'm genuinely wondering on this and struggling with it. There's something that feels off about it but I can't put my finger on it. Leonde, you've most definitely succeeded as a writer, so that's not in question; I read this today at work and had to come back to it again--that's success, in my book. But seriously, are there people who know what I mean?)
Awesome. Don't forget, formalwear for boys = revealing, backless, strapless dresses and high heels, even if it's cold out, to show off their charm and desirability. Women, who are more dignified and important, get full body coverage and flat, sensible shoes.
Sandra - I must have been responding while you were posting. I think young females have a lot of pressure to meet unrealistic and unnatural physical standards. If anything, I think unreal standards having gotten more impossible.
Jimmy - thanks for stopping by and reading.
Juli - I'm glad you were amused - I enjoyed writing and actually drew from my own experience and that of what I see young girls and women still experiencing now.
AshKW - thanks for appreciating my humor.
Will - sorry you feel that way - especially at the gym, some of my best friends are men. My nephews seem to love me too. They call me Aunt Manly - I'm sure they mean it in the best way possible.
Silkstone - thanks for the link.
Nana - thanks for stopping by and affirming that these behaviors are institutionalized in our culture. Again and again, nice to get comments from you that are sensitive yet coming from a strong and secure man.
Lea - thanks for reading and input - I was trying to add humor to experience with words.
Sparking - thanks for the compliments and reading.
Ranjit - I like good satire too - guess that's why we both like Vonnegut.
Fudo - I provoked thought for you and you commented. Whether we might have a difference of opinion although maybe not so much...I respect and want to hear what you and others think. Thanks.
AlmightyBeckster - great name! Thanks for enjoying my perspective.
Lainey - in a perfect world, girls would not be raised this way but they still are - I am a mother of a 21 year old daughter. I spent time with her and her female classmate friends K-12. I was also a substitute teacher for some time and many young girls are struggling with scenarios like the ones above. I work out at gyms where I interact with and am friends with both young women and men predominantly...I wish this blog was totally outdated and irrelevant - but anyone else who wants to give their own opinion and experience please do.
Scary Genius! =o) And so depressingly true..
Pontifica - does seem curious that we seem to show off quite a bit even in formal dress while the man is covered from neck to feet in tux formal wear. I joked with my mother and said I was going to wear a tux with tails at my daughter's wedding to give her away and my mother was pissed with me - oh well.
Shiral - Unfortunately, I think some issues have gotten worse for us as women. Thanks for reading and the compliment.
ame i - I liked taking my daughter to work on that designated day too. I am glad I had a girl and am very proud of my daughter. I am getting a wonderful son-in-law too and I have 4 nephews who are all great boys. I have an old world father too who valued a son over his 2 daughters so I understand how you felt angry. Unfortunately, my brother is dead now but he too, was a good man who was very caring and helpful to my sister and me. He would have been a great parent if he had lived. The way we parent and raise our children makes a difference as you observe. Thanks.
Lainey, unfortunately we still do raise girls that way.

I cringe every time I'm subjected to the pink, flowery Disney princess crap busting out of my nieces' closets. I asked one what she wanted from Santa - she said a "monster truck." While my wife and I were thrilled at the prospect (not only because we'd be spared from having to spend money in "that store") as soon as her mother heard her say it, "no, you don't want that, don't be silly." More frilly pink dresses for her.

I was actually saddened when, after her stated ambitions of wanting to be a mechanic, like her father (she was 5), and after opening box after box of Hannah Montana poisons, she opened our gift, a tool box with working tools, and said, quizzically, "this is for boys."

I've heard too many relatives, when asked how they're preparing for their children's higher education, discount any need to because they have girls. Because why would a girl need to go to college?

I'm not trying to equivocate, but I'll add to that the boys I know that have been beaten by their fathers for wanting to pursue dancing instead of sports. ("kid reads books, what is he, a fag?")
Okay, I'll play. I appreciated your humor some of them made me smile -at first. I like being lighthearted. But the door swings both ways in the rearing and indoctrination of each sex into ancient, destructive roles. Maybe we should add in a joke or two about how boys should also work at increasing their percentage of being put on Ritalin from 5x the rate of girls to 10x. It could be a national goal.

Perhaps, increase males rate of 85% of completed suicides to hell, let's make it a perfect 100. How about reducing the rate that fathers get custody in disputed cases from 15% to well hell why not nothing.

Dishonorable and abusive people come in all sizes, shapes, races and genders. This post depressed me in the end. Why bother trying to make things better for our daughters, sons or any one who suffers? Women are abused, humiliated and scorned so the answer is to ignore the plight of sons and make it all a joke. It is like comparing causes of death. Is shooting someone worse than knifing them and having them bleed slowly to death? If I or any man had written this in reverse we would had been hammered but you get an Editor's Pick. This is just as offensive as any sexist joke told by insensitive jerks that demean women. I don't encourage them from my male pals and I will not stamp this as funny even though many of my best OS friends here see it as so.

Misandry as a response to misogyny is not justified.

In the past quarter century, we exposed biases against other races and called it racism and we exposed biases against women and called it sexism. Biases against men we call humor.
—Warren Farrell ,Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say

"If I were a man, I would strenuously object to the assumption that women have any moral or spiritual superiority as a class. This is [...] female chauvinism." Friedan, Betty. 1998. It Changed My Life: Writings on the Women's Movement. Harvard University Press
I'm with Spud on this one. No life is less valued on this planet than that of a male. In South America, when schools are raided, it's the 12 year old boys the army takes. They drug them up and use them for cannon fodder and to walk over fields with potential land mines. Wanna swap? Doing that with girls is unthinkable.

And the denigration of anything feminine hurts boys as well, as males have a feminine side to them. Suppose a boy does take on domestic chores as you suggest and actually enjoys it? He'd be mocked and scorned for the most part by both male and female alike, a big fucking sissy. It's not a gender issue, it's a cultural issue on deciding on what we value. Both genders are guilty of "worshiping the male image" as Lennon put it.
Misogyny and misandry... that is probably worth a post of its own. It's a topic worth thinking about.

I believe the problem is that people see what is wrong with their own in-group -- say, men with men, women with women -- rather than with other groups. What hurts us always hurts more, and what hurts others but not us always feels too `theoretical`. This explains why some men have problems even understanding the concept of misogyny -- it doesn't hurt them -- and why some women apparently think misogyny is the only (or even the most important) consequence of gender stereotypes (non-misogynistic stereotypes don't hurt them).

I don't think the author is seriously proposing misandry as the answer. But I can see why other men get depressed when they read this. Because of its essentializing power. It makes it look as if men had never suffered from gender stereotypes, as if theirs had been a light and comfortable ride in the gender world, as if they were a pampered and privileged caste, when compared to oppressed women.

This, by itself, is a stereotype (if I were a postmodernist, I'd probably call it the 'Myth of the Oppresser'). It homogenizes the situation, immanentizes what is really contigent together with what is truly immanent, and leaves aside the whole question of how things got to be the way they are (usually, gender stereotypes are a post hoc development to explain, or come to terms with, situations that arose via different mechanisms; first you get a certain division of labor between men and women -- via Adam-Smith-like invisible hand phenomena -- then you get the mythical explanation that god subordinated women to men, etc. etc. etc.).

If we don't get right how things became the way they are in society, what hope do we have of changing them? If we just create new stereotypes, we'll just create a new kind of injustice.

I agree with Fudo Myoö above, who said: "People in power want to keep their power by keeping it from people like you. Not because you're you, but because you're not them."
Dr. Spud: Ritalin? Why is there Ritalin? My mother decided my daughter must be ADHD and need Ritalin because she was so active as a child. You need to address that issue with parents, doctors, teachers and pharmaceutical companies who want to suppress normal child behavior with drugs. We are a drugged society who can't think straight. Drugs are a great tool for control and suppression of a society. This issue is different and does deserve a blog. I studied literature with Sonia Sanchez who insisted that racism still exists today and every white person is a racist because it is institutionalized in this country. She also insisted that reverse discrimination did not exist because whites are the dominant race. Hard and bitter pill to swallow for a white person but look at statistics and demographics for the answers. Do African Americans share real economic, social and status equity en masse with white Americans in this culture? Do women share real economic, political and social equity and status with men in this culture en masse? Give me statistics on the social, political and economic status and power of women in the USA. Look at who our political leaders are predominantly to see who controls this country. What are the numbers in those who control the media? What are the numbers of those who are mega corporate executives? The politicians, corporations and media control this country and shape our world so I want to know who holds the most power predominantly in these sectors. Thanks for your comment Mr. Spud, you have given me a lot to think about and a gauge of where men are on this issue honestly and currently.
Harry - South America? Men and women are disappearing in South America according to someone I know from South America who lives in the USA but still has relatives living in Venezuela. Why didn't you mention what happens to girls in other cultures where young girls have their clitoris and labia removed and the opening of their vagina sown up? The doctors here in Maine are seeing these young girls when they admit Somalian immigrant patients in the hospitals. I believe a secure person, a secure man will follow his heart regardless of what others think. I raised my daughter to follow her heart. If she had been a boy, I would have raised that boy the same way - to follow his heart and be true to himself. I believe the only person that anyone can truly control is himself or herself. I never attempted to control my daughter or make decisions for her. She seems to make the best choices for herself. Any child I raised would have been given that same sense of freedom, male or female. I also believe in individual responsibility and making conscientious choices regardless of what is popular in culture. I wish you the best in this new year, Harry.
Fudo - I have seen the same stereotype gift giving. My mother kept trying to give my daughter dolls although my daughter has never had an interest in dolls. If she had wanted dolls, I would have gotten her dolls but my daughter wanted electronic devices and stuffed animals and sometimes electronic stuffed animals. She is in her 4th year at a tech school to become an electrical engineer and has already worked at 2 high tech companies. Her choice. We spent a lot of time at the Philadelphia Zoo and the Franklin Institute when we lived in Philly together. I can relate more in proclivity to my oldest nephew who is seriously into books, writes and is studying history in college but I want a monster truck too. My youngest nephew loves to bake and cook so I usually get him gifts that encourage his interests and I get to eat his very delicious food. Thanks for your thoughts.
Asephe - you have to admit, my little, amusing blog started a dialogue. No, I am not proposing misandry. Very astute observations in your comments. A linguist - fabulous! I'm hoping to see more blogs from you. Welcome and happy belated birthday!

You ask, "Does anyone know what the word for the hatred of men is? "
Misandry is probably the most underused word on Open Salon. Yesterday I posted an Open Call to OS Men for posts on misandry. None have responded. A commenter perceptively observed that the thread would go nowhere because men know that they would be subjected to scorn.

I just did a search on OS. There are 255 posts on misogyny, 16 on misandry. I have written 5 of them.

Would your post have made the cover if it was written from a man's point of view?
Mary W. - I'm sorry men feel so downtrodden and oppressed by women that they no longer want to speak for themselves for fear that they will be scorned and ridiculed. As a woman, I can not imagine what that oppression, suppression and fear must feel like. I do think it is marvelous that you attempted to reach out to these men as their champion. I'm sure they appreciated having a woman speak for them.
wanaq555 - you about sum all of my points in a nutshell but you are too late and it's a new day with new topics on OS. Maybe you can write a real blog on misandry...
I was originally delighted by the clever wordplay in your article. However, it quickly became clear that you suffer from the very condition you named. As my mother struggled with health problems, I took an overwhelming role in the diapering and dressing of my four younger siblings. I learned how to cook before I could reach over the stove without a chair. I didn't do all of the chores you listed - My father did laundry and cooked. Later on, we added I guess we didn't know better. Because I lack ovaries, I haven't REALLY suffered.
As your article progressed, it became more ignorant by the sentence. I think it might be an eye opening experience for you to do some personal research into the number of boys who are molested and abused. And do you really think boys don't suffer from body image issues? Not only have I seen young wrestlers and boxers with bulimia and anorexia, I have seen other
OK, I did find the post amusing, mostly. There are just a couple things that rubbed me the wrong way, because I'm sensitive to them. To use an analogy, a good-natured poke in the ribs is harmless, unless some of those ribs have been broken, then it's pretty painful.

To say, "I don't appreciate your response," does not seek to diminish anyone's suffering.

I think Dr. Spud said it best. We're not trying to equivocate, or say, "my suffering is worse than your suffering," or even, "you don't know the troubles I've seen." How many of us have witnessed someone telling ethnic jokes, with requisite slurs, only to "justify" it by paying equal time and telling jokes about every race he can think of? That makes it OK, right?

I like simple logic. Right is right, wrong is wrong. Doesn't matter who perpetuates it nor against whom nor for what reason. Women get treated badly. No denying that. The most prolific and egregious cases of domestic violence are perpetrated by men against women. Members of the privileged class are stereotypically white males. But when we, as men, say, "hey, we're abused, too," it's not to excuse the behavior of others or in any way justify it, but merely to point out that we, as a gender, aren't sitting by, chuckling as we swap stories - we're not all in on it. We're trying to point out that the ones perpetuating the violence, the discrimination, aren't doing so solely because of their gender and yours. Most of us are downtrodden as well.

Yes, there's the Old Boy Network at the golf course. Most of us men are excluded from that club as well. I've never been invited into the back room for deal making. If I wanted to "develop" public land into a shopping plaza, no one would tell me, "oh, you're a man, go on in."

White men got themselves into positions of power in the western world. In Africa and Asia, African and Asian men, respectively. But only certain men. They want to keep it, and so they'll keep out anyone who isn't them. India is still cleaning up from its caste system - Indians discriminating against other Indians. Racism is just a tool to keep the "other" from gaining power. It's an easy marker, as is, unfortunately, gender. The only advantage someone like me has, perhaps, is the ability to be a sheep in wolves' clothing - I could pass for one of them, until someone asked for my credentials. All I'm asking is, please, don't send the dogs after me because the wolf suit fits - they won't let me wear it, either.

One point I was trying to make, is that the disenfranchisement of women in the workforce is perpetuated by women, too. A woman I used to work with, whose maternity leave ended just before Christmas, was forced to return to work for the 3 working days between then and New Year's, even though she had vacation days to use, even though her boss said is was OK as she had nothing for her to do, because the female executive in charge said, "I'm tired of women extending their maternity leave."

Again, it's about power, not necessarily gender.
maddiesdad - Ah yes, I'm a man hater. I hate men. Men be warned. Maddiesdad has outed me. I have been living in a hermetically sealed closet and have no idea what young men suffer. This reminds me of when I have been at a bar with a girlfriend talking and when we rebuffed the advances of men hitting on us, we were called lesbians as if being called a lesbian was supposed to be an insult. My friend and I just laughed and continued talking to each other. I don't feel the need to prove. I would certainly not suggest you study this or that, or write this or that in order to open your eyes, nor accuse you of being a woman hater but if you think the issues I should study, learn and write about are important, do you think maybe you should blog about it and bring other people's attention to those issues yourself? Just asking.
Fudo - yes, I know too well that women also perpetuate misogyny. What does that mean other than the point I was trying to make, sexism is institutionalized in this country. I will definitely be more sensitive and careful in my humor toward men in the future. I hope no men have been hurt or scarred for life by the mere joking or suggesting that they endure what many of us women have endured as a matter of course in our lives. I am amused that men are offended by the suggestion that young boys should be submitted to any of the above listed items but I did describe the typical experiences of young girls and women that are taken for granted. I know from interacting with young women that these experiences are still relevant examples.
...and I did it again. I believe I am finished in several ways. I did look over my original 3 messages. In addition to appearing insane, I was a bit snooty. However, I was trying to make a serious point. I don't think we realize the challenges or burdens of anyone. And Now I sound trite.

Best wishes.
Maddiesdadd - I spend a lot of time in the gym with young men in the gym. I care about one man in particular who is aspiring to be a model and I have been concerned he does not eat enough. That may just be the mother in me but I have said as much and even gotten him Chinese food when he was doing some construction work for me. I also gave him a bodybuilding nutrition book on getting big (putting on size) for his birthday last year. I am really a softy when it comes to men friends and all my friends and family. I do understand and am serious in suggesting you write a blog.
did I ever tell you my favorite misogynist joke? "why is there so much wife beating in this country? because they just *slap* don't *slap* listen *slap*!"

but that's just a joke - I'm sorry if it offends anyone, I don't really feel that way.

Does knowing it's a joke make it easier to hear? I forget who said, "the truth is often spoken in jest."

yep, we treat women pretty crappy around here. Wouldn't it be funny if we treated more people like crap? Of course all men need to go through this, so they can make up for what they've done.

to your points:

"1. As soon as the young boy is old enough, he should assume the domestic duties of the household."
yep, absolutely - my mom did, pretty much as you describe. Perhaps more should.

"2. At a suitable age, the young boy should obsessively think about how attractive he is to the opposite sex. "
they do, exactly as you write - that you suggest they don't, and perhaps should, as a joke, is where I didn't find humor.

"3. The boy should think nothing of older women pinching, groping, making sexual innuendos or expecting sexual favors from him"
yes, exactly - this goes on all the time. It's happened to me. It sure is funny when a female coworker whips her tits out in front of a man, to the amusement of other women, and they all laugh at how uncomfortable they've made him. Serves him right. Oh, please, he's a man, he enjoys it.

"4. If a boy finds himself pregnant, by law, he should be assumed totally responsible for the pregnancy."
now, what happens to women, especially young women in that regard is unfair, I'll grant you that. But contrast that to men who have been shown to not be the biological father through DNA testing, but, because they initially felt an obligation had made child support payments, are now obligated to continue to support that child - they assumed responsibility for support, they're court ordered to continue. How does that encourage any more men to take more responsibility? I see more men lawyering up.

"5. At an early age, boys should consider any sexual pass or other uncalled for sexual attention or advance as a compliment. " This one is really two issues. One, see #3, above. I have been told, "you should feel flattered." Wrong for you, wrong for me. Two, I can't defend the porn industry, only to say they sell what we'll buy - and I'll refer you to gay male porn. Seems they love straight boys. (and before anyone says, "but that's created by and for men," lesbian porn - created by and for women - sometimes does some pretty demeaning things, too.)

"6. Suitable occupations for the boy should be relegated to services that caretake or nurture children and others, or are subordinant to women." The two are not inclusive. Come to my son's school, run by women, and find out that one of the aides is a man. You want to say you'd have no problems with that, but everyone who read that just thought about it a minute. And the last time I went to the hospital, all four nurses I had were men - the physician's assistant who saw me was a woman.

"7. From an early age, boys should be encouraged to look frilly and pretty, and realize they are not capable of doing math or participating in any scientific or engineering exploration."
you've just described our current youth culture - brainy stuff is for nerds and geeks, a.k.a. fags.

"8. Boys must realize that they are biologically limited."
my wife tells me this all the time

"9. A boy should understand that a woman's biology necessitates that she find the best man to father children."
is the joke that women don't do this? I know a lot of women who do.

"10. If all else fails and a boy starts screaming equal rights, equal pay, equal voice, equal anything, call him a crazy bitch."
didn't you?
Fudo - I wish you love and happiness this new year. Be happy and well.
OK, now I sound mean. I'm afraid my angry alter ego emerged again. I apologize for my tone.

I think I was just trying to say, "how do you like it?" isn't funny when it actually hurts someone.
I didn't ev enexperience most of these outrages in the late 60s and 70s, but then I have always been an outspoken women who intimidates men. My 4 daughters haven't experienced any of them. Smart, educated women have brilliant lives now. I discovered during the primaries that they thought feminism was obsolete.
What horrifies me is we have regressed and we seem to be raising our daughters far more traditionally than I raised mine in the 70s and 80s.
As women have made greater strides, the physical standards of beauty have become deranged. In 1963 my best friends and I discussed politics as we savored the best hot fudge sundaes in town about three times a week. No one was on a diet. We danced; the idea of gyms would be preposterous. If someone had described a bikini wax, we would know they came from another planet.
Redstocking - you are truly blessed by having daughters who are happy, fulfilled and successful women. Wishing you and your family the best in the new year.
I'm late to the party, and all the good stuff's already been drunk, but . . .

it's satire, brothers, and sure it's been said before, but that doesn't make it less real. This isn't a post about misandry, it's a post about misogyny. It's not an attack on men, it's an attack on the real indignities and worse that are taken for granted as women's lot in this world. It's actually pretty gentle stuff as satire goes, and if things got more heated in the comment thread, I think the boys were ones who started taking the temperature up

Yeah, life's a bitch for guys, no question about it, but fellas, we live in a patriarchy and we benefit from it whether we're misogynists or not, just as those of us who're white have benefited from that accident of birth whether or not we think it's fair

Leonde, I'm putting you on my favorites list
My son doesn't have an OS account and asked me to post this comment here:
My wife and I are both thankful that our son doesn't have to go through the horrible social brainwashing inflicted on girls (what she calls "that Disney Princess shit"). Boys have their own unhealthy social programming to deal with but it is not focused on disempowering, objectifying and domesticating them, or defining them by their sexuality (unless, of course, they're gay, but that's another load of social BS to deal with). I hope your post is widely read because I think a lot of people (maybe most) take this stuff for granted as the natural way of things and have never really thought about how absurd and awful it is, and your post does a great job of making these assumptions explicit.