I love being able to say anything in the open and not be noticed. I get a chance to pull my pants down in public and people just walk by as if they can't see that I've gone commando. I am free.
I could stick out my tongue right now and who would notice? Maybe some hand gestures but then just picking my nose will do. I have free reign. So much for social graces.
I like being able to say whatever I want because I am only talking to the couch. The couch listens but is wise enough not to offer advice. The couch is motionless and silent in its plaid complacency.
The couch is long suffering and bears me. Here I am in mismatched pajamas. The cats don't care either as long as I feed them.
What could I continue writing that would draw attention? How about this piece of information that keeps me disturbed? My mother had her leg amputated above the knee of her already severely crippled and failing body.
Her stump became infected with E. coli and pseuodomonas. Who would have thought I would learn so much about bacteria? Hospitals work at culturing bacteria especially when they forget to take out stitches or staples.
Hospitals are like roach motels but they are doing a lousy job of killing my mother. Her will to live is problematic and incurable for the hospitals. I think she is afraid to die and the only thing that is keeping her alive is her will.
The doctors are now trying something else to kill her. They botched the amputation and carelessly left one of the stents in her stump. Soon they will cut off some more of what little is left of her leg.
Right now they have a vacuum device hooked up to her stump to suck out debris. They are giving my mother a lot of drugs to keep her sedated. My mother's body may be totally shot but her mind is sharp when not drugged.
I haven't talked to my mother in two weeks. Ever since she took another spiral downward with the latest infection the hospital has treated her to, I haven't even been able to talk to her. I wonder if I will ever see or talk to my mother again. I really don't want to say anything to her but "I love you."
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Kasia Pater
Jan Sand
Ben Sen
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Patrick Frank
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Comments
My heart is with you and your mother.
Lunchlady - I have been down to Florida last month...so much happened then and now and between then and now...hard time to go down again...
Trig - thanks...
aim - my father is finally speaking up, elderly people appear to be treated like they are all mentally incapacitated...when I was down in Florida, I had to tell this doctor that my mother would absolutely not have a procedure that would have been ridiculous in her condition...while they were insisting on that unneccesary and torturous procedure to cover their asses, they were not paying attention to the neccesary...thanks.
cap'n - thanks.
Roy - I keep telling my father to tell my mom for me. I say it to him everytime I am on the phone with him.
Brian - most of the time my pajamas are mismatched - I live alone and the animals don't care...
Smithery - that you all stopped by and felt for me and my family means a lot and is more than enough. Thanks. I feel less alone.
I am reading a tremendous book right now on the death of a parent. Well researched and written. I will probably write something more about this book by and by. Thank you so much for your hearts and wishing the best to all of you and your loved ones.
Sending you a hug and hoping you get a chance to tell your mother what you need to say. Could your father hold the phone up to her ear?
Patrick - thanks for your warm thoughts.
I just got off the phone with my mother and got to tell her, "I love you" many times. Miraculously, she is doing better. The one thing the medical profession has right is identifying bacteria and administering antibiotics. They are finally also better managing the extreme pain from many chronic ailments my mother has and is suffering.