Yesterday morning Jeff left. It was not easy but I am grateful for the time we had. We'd been talking about him coming for a few months and it was wonderful when things fell into place. It was scary as hell too, for both of us. After only a couple of days we were completely comfortable together. 

He left a confused cat, she's not usually friendly but she liked him a lot. He liked her a lot too. He gave her treats and played tag with her one night even though she would have bit him when he tried to pet her when she was in one of her beds. She was depressed Friday, she knows when I'm sad even if not why. She didn't move when I got home from the airport, just stared at me when I cried a bit. Later she went looking for him, for a while she wandered  around, then she spent the day not moving again. She is still looking for him today, cats don't understand these things, he was here two weeks and now he's gone. We will both adjust.

He left me visions of a dining room table that held many happy meals including  Baskin Robbins Clown cones in pumpkin pie for my birthday... scratch one off my bucket list. He left me a kitchen that holds memories of him pressing too hard while rolling cookies and fumbling big hands with cookie cutters and icing as he laughed and learned something new.  He left memories of us making mmmm noises as we nibbled good cheeses and laughed over a battle for the last of the smoked oysters. He left me a living room we cuddled together in as we listened to the music he brought me including many of my favorites... that he remembered I said I loved. Yes, I cuddled and mostly I liked it.

 Yes, he rolled, cut and baked, I did most of the eating.

He left my computer filled with folders of beautiful pictures of trips to the mountains in McCall and Idaho City. Pictures from our trip to the Peregrine Fund's World Center for Birds of Prey to see the wild birds they breed, and the falcons and eagles they fly there. I've always wanted to go.  He didn’t chide me for being terrified of heights as I drove at a crawl down into the Snake River canyon. Instead  he took more pictures as we smiled by the river and he congratulated me for not throwing up or freaking out (too much). He left pictures of the parks and places we walked and laughed, and glorious close ups of the roses in the rose garden. He told me about  the native trees and plants and laughed when I called some "native weeds." He left pictures of the Saturday farmers market and us walking over to Occupy Boise and joining the drum circle. He left pictures of some of the food we ate,  pictures of us and even pictures of me with my compulsion (one of many)  to try on strange glasses for no reason. Memories captured for us to enjoy over and over again.

He left the humongous old 110 lb TV in the bedroom instead of in the living room where it sat for three years because I had no one to move it. I was going to try to find someone to help him so he didn't hurt himself but while I was in the shower he moved it alone. He left the sofa where I’ve wanted it forever and now I see us curled up together on it in my mind's eye. 

He left me a perfectly plumbed new kitchen faucet instead of the old one that leaked. It was a nightmare, we have incredibly hard water so everything was frozen in place. We had to go to three places before I found a faucet I liked, and had to go to the hardware store twice afterward. He didn't say he hated plumbing, or I was too picky about finding a faucet without the sprayer handle or bitch about my poorly designed sink, he just replaced the faucet. (Insert much contented sighing here.)

I jumped in to remove a part where his hands were too big, a move that  earned me the title of badass. He left me titled a badass! Tee hee hee...

Because my cat is somewhat vicious I keep my stuffed chickens in canisters for safety and he was impressed with my solution oriented nature. Don't you love my simple faucet with separate sprayer? I do. 

He left the sound of his voice everywhere. He said “hallo beautiful Doris” every morning when he opened his eyes and in every room in the house. Even when I had psycho wild hair and no make up on. As he was standing in the TSA line he turned and said "don't forget to take your vitamin when you get home." He wasn't thinking of himself, he was thinking of me and remembered that I forget to take my vitamins constantly. He left behind a memory that someone cares how I feel and that I am well. 

Most of the photos will appear on Jeff's (nanatehay) posts where he will do them justice as I would not. He left me knowing I don't have to be perfect or great at everything. He left me feeling like I had been seen and heard, that I'm good and smart, and that I matter. 

I don’t know what will happen or what tomorrow will bring but for two weeks I was happy and in this world two weeks is a lot. He left me hopeful for the future and most of all, he left me grateful to be alive right now.