If I want to get to heaven

I have to walk away from hell
JUNE 9, 2012 11:26PM

Her face lit up when she saw me


I walked into IHOP Wednesday to meet my mom, my daughter and my granddaughter Kamal. I stepped inside to see where they were seated and little Kamal saw me. Her face lit up, she started bouncing in the high chair shouting "Hi! Hi! Hi!" the whole time I was walking… Read full post »

I've become very aware of how much time I spend hovering over the titles of posts. I have little interest in what's considered quality of writing. I don't know what makes writing good or not, for the most part I want to feel good. I've tried both escargot and sea cucumber… Read full post »

JUNE 7, 2012 3:26PM

As sick as our secrets


If you haven't read LibbyLiberal's post Surviving the Unrecovered Borderline Parent, you've missed an incredibly insightful and direct way to understand the child's experiences. Experiences that color every moment of their adult lives that names of diagnoses don't begin to touch. Thoth's… Read full post »

JUNE 6, 2012 11:26PM

Being true to myself




Things are not going well and I need to get back to basics, to remember what worked for me, instead of trying to do what works for others. I was happy for a long period of time, not always happy with the way things were, butRead full post »

I ended my last post about my charismatic father at about age 5 when I entered 1st grade. There’s a lot of overlap and of course references to past and future woven throughout. We do things in the past that affect the present and future. I write from my thoughts as a child aRead full post »


My father was a confusing figure throughout my childhood. He was cultured, elegant, courteous, jovial, respectful and the most charming man I’ve ever met. Only my mother and I understood he had more force of will than anyone, nothing stopped his determination to have his way. His lapsesRead full post »

MAY 29, 2012 1:43PM

The Aftermath



My father died 3 months ago and the ways it's affected me are a surprise. I may write things that will allow others to create their own distorted perception of me, or him, but I will only write the truth and this is just a tiny piece. I won't… Read full post »

MAY 4, 2012 12:19AM

Love like this


Not long ago, I was having an email conversation with a friend who was going through some heart ache. My friend told me her story then asked for my thoughts, but not before she apologized for whining.


“You’re not whining,” I said. “You’re hurting out loud… Read full post »

APRIL 4, 2012 10:57PM

I'm the woman I used to be


I’ve been too sad lately, it’s been 8 years and I should be over my former husband by now. Everyone wants me to be over it, so that’s how I pretend to be. I miss more than the man, I miss who I was with him. How easy it was… Read full post »

"Whatever colors you have in your mind

I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine."


Wow. The first time I heard those incredible two lines decades ago, I fell in love with Lay Lady Lay. The way Bob Dylan sings, the music, everything about it touches me. Couldn't… Read full post »

Tuesday night I got home from celebrating a friends birthday and found an email from my last boyfriend ("The Pilot" if you're keeping up on my disastrous history).  It was a simple hi how are you. I'm as suspicious of simple as I am of complex. I hadn’t heard from him… Read full post »

MARCH 28, 2012 6:10PM

About that PM


For a couple of years I’ve been getting wonderful PM’s. With the death of my father last month I’ve received a lot more and am starting to feel bad. These are kind words sent by caring men and women who simply want to be good to another person. I… Read full post »

This post is about removing calluses and unsightly dead skin from my feet because Linda Seccaspina and fernsy want to read about it. I’m not sure I understand but, okay. I was told by someone very nice the beginning of a piece should tell you where it’s going and other stuff… Read full post »

MARCH 13, 2012 11:56AM

Adventure on the train to Milan



My grandfather, Mansour Abdel-Sayed Mansour, had an antiques shop in Shepherd's Hotel in Cairo, as well as in the Semiramis Hotel, and in the Khan Khalil Bazaar. During that time Cairo was a travel must for people from all over Europe and the US. His clientele included King Farou… Read full post »

MARCH 13, 2012 1:49AM

The bubble girl and her father

Mountain View, California, 1958 


There is a bubble I live in, sometimes happily, sometimes not.


As terrible as my relationship with my father was, I was proud of his integrity in business and the things he accomplished. Today I learned something new about his life before h… Read full post »

MARCH 9, 2012 3:11PM

That I Would Be Good

What I always wanted to know when growing up and growing older. 
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got theRead full post »
MARCH 4, 2012 11:24PM


Paris, mom & dad before marriage on a trip with a group of friends 
July 13, 1954 at Patachou in Paris. The man who did the best pirouette and ballet dance won a bottle of champagne. Mom and dad dragged that bottle all over Europe. Dad… Read full post »
MARCH 4, 2012 1:58PM

A will of iron

My father had the strongest will of anyone I've known. The man was unstoppable. It's probably more accurate to say he was a force, than to say he was forceful. He should have been a boxer, you could hit him again and again and never stop him. His will was a… Read full post »

MARCH 1, 2012 10:52PM



Tonight I feel weak, and mushy, not substantial at all. The day started out okay and I went soft as the hours dragged on. Today I had nothing to do. The TV is on and all the shows have people that seem to be all jagged edges. Hard sharp people… Read full post »

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FEBRUARY 26, 2012 7:12PM

Now what do I say?


My dad died last Saturday the 18th. He died peacefully and I'm glad for that, prayed with all my heart for it to be painless and am glad it went that way. I keep thinking I should say something to those here who don't know yet,  but what should I… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 16, 2012 12:03AM

Pain meds, giggling, and serenading babies

This is not a happy post. If you didn't read my post two weeks ago, my father has congestive heart failure and has home hospice care. What that means is that he's dying, it's horrible for him to feel, and for us to see, and we're all crazy (more than before).… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 4, 2012 11:08PM

The 80's Femmemullet (for Rita)

Sitting on the back of the toilet in front of my Missing Persons poster which was hanging in the Tower Records on Hollywood Blvd, a gift from a guy who was working there the day I went to see Toni Basil in the parking lot. Vintage suit and check out the… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 1, 2012 10:37PM

Family stuff is keeping me away from OS


I haven't been around much, my dad's congestive heart failure has gotten pretty bad. Monday the hospice doctor and social worker came so he can stay in his home. I've been busy with my mom trying to keep her from being completely exhausted, and of course we have all the… Read full post »

JANUARY 28, 2012 1:00AM

Eat Tacos?

I need a little help from the late night thinkers on OS. I'm wondering if this Mayor has an answer no one else has thought of yet.
The first vid doesn't really explain what the problem was but it's worth watching to the end because the mayor explains his plan in de… Read full post »
JANUARY 25, 2012 7:08PM

Holding onto hope

When I went to get the mail today a high school couple across the street was holding each other close in a kiss. I kept my eyes down as I collected the trash can and when I glanced again the kiss was over but the embrace lasted. It lasted through me… Read full post »