If I want to get to heaven

I have to walk away from hell
JANUARY 14, 2012 11:59AM

A remarkable woman

It's been almost a week that I've been back and I've gone to see my mom three times. I see her very differently after missing her during my brief absense. It seems last year my feelings changed a lot. I have been reflecting on it all week and having many insights… Read full post »

I'm settled back into my simple life in Idaho after spending the holidays with Jeff. It was a wonderful time and a joy to wake up Christmas morning to see his face and say Merry Christmas. I won't say much about us, it's not my way or his but I do… Read full post »


It's disturbing to think about the live streaming spammers. I think these might be the stupidest humans on earth. What are they getting out of all these accounts? It's like mishima666 said, they kill the host. Is there some way they're able to make money when the site is

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DECEMBER 8, 2011 10:49PM

The Christmas Guest

This was given to me on  a cassette long ago and though I'm not a fan of country music I could listen to Reba McEntire read The Christmas Guest  over and over again. In fact I do. The last 60 seconds makes tears of joy run down my face. The poem… Read full post »

DECEMBER 8, 2011 6:39PM

After drug depression

“It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.” 
― Mother Teresa


That quote was tagged with abortion but it it hardly begins to cover the atrocities against children. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think ab… Read full post »

Warning, this post is disgusting (and a waste of time) so you probably don't want to read it.


Yesterday I had two teeth extracted (ripped out of the jaw bone), a bone graft (no doubt brutally chiseled out) and a screw implanted in my jaw (probably had a hole… Read full post »

Per my earlier discussion with nanatehay, this is an open call as to how OS helps us to lower our expectations. Now we've covered that endless bullshit because we all know it's never going to be fixed. We're destined to be terminally disappointed and yadda yadda, blah de blah blah. There's… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 27, 2011 8:48PM

Sad and lonely (the letdown)


Thanksgiving was nice, I spent a few hours talking politics to a nice guy I met who's also a California transplant. The day before I spent with a girlfriend as she was preparing for Thanksgiving with her family. Since  Jeff left at the beginning of the month, the house has… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 26, 2011 7:34PM

What's happening in this photo?

This disturbing image keeps coming up on my facebook page. It's a groupon ad that reads

"5 fun things to do in Boise! "



I go to Boise all the time, I've even done fun things there but I've never seen whatever the hell event this guy is… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 24, 2011 10:50PM

Breathing through holidays


Well the holidays are officially here and with them my bone deep desire to become cold, to withdraw to the safe place where there is no pain or disappointment. In prying information from my mom, she told me that since I was little I always got depressed and anxious… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 16, 2011 6:01PM

I'm just talking on a page


I read Susie Lindau's wonderful post today titled Anger, Fear or Joy? Light bulbs went off in my head. I suggest you read it because it really got me thinking and not just about writing. As I read and absorbed her thoughts and questions about motivation, answers were popping into my… Read full post »


“Why does God do bad things?” My mom used to ask me that question every time something bad happened to me or someone else in her orbit. “Why Doe? Why does God do these bad things?” And I would sigh.  As if God was some moody Mafia boss in… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2011 9:22PM

More soft things like...

... footie pajamas and angels

When I read yesterday's re-post, it struck me how much I've healed. If you want to cry do it, don't wait 30 years like I did. Don't lock the feelings inside to make it easy on everyone else. It doesn't make you strong, it wears you… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2011 12:44PM

More soft things...


like... footie pajamas and angels

When I read the post from last year that I re-posted yesterday, it struck me how much I've healed. If you want to cry do it, don't wait 30 years like I did, don't lock the feelings inside to make it easy

Read full post »
NOVEMBER 12, 2011 3:22PM

More soft things...

like... footie pajamas and angels


I read yesterday's post and it really struck me how far I've come. If you want to cry do it, don't wait 30 years, don't lock all the feelings inside to make it easy on everyone else. It doesn't make you strong, it wears you away.… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 21, 2010 7:41PM

It's been a better couple of days since I last wrote something I posted. The last post about my second husband was one of the hardest things to write. I suppose it's because of all the things I never got to say, the tears he and I… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 10, 2011 12:22PM

A healthy attitude

It was brought to my attention by tr ig that I left a nice little comment on his post when I worked for the 1% . It seems it would make a nice post on its own so here it is:
My annual income (when I had a… Read full post »


Yesterday morning Jeff left. It was not easy but I am grateful for the time we had. We'd been talking about him coming for a few months and it was wonderful when things fell into place. It was scary as hell too, for both of us. After only a coupleRead full post »

NOVEMBER 1, 2011 2:19AM

Words I really like

Thwarted, sigh, I really love to say the word thwarted but often no one is around and I feel thwarted so I must write it instead.


Victimized, I feel particularlty victimized by nearly everyone in the republican party and most fashion designers, also the high price of better cuts of… Read full post »

Neither of us has been kidnapped or disappeared, we're just out and about seeing the Boise area and visiting the nearby mountains. May be a while before either of us posts.


 Yes, this is a photo of Bleue and nana. Uh huh. Poor tr ig has had to keep… Read full post »

Last night a very strange thing happened to me in bed. I was laying there ready to fall asleep and suddenly I relaxed. I relaxed so completely my body surprised me. Wow, what a feeling! I can't remember the last time I felt my body completely relax. Even when I drink I don't really… Read full post »

OCTOBER 13, 2011 11:12PM

My horrible haunted house experience

A few years ago on my birthday I went on a date with a man from Oregon. He suggested dinner in Boise and wanted to go to a haunted house and corn maze while he was here. I told him Iwas reluctant because I'm a chicken but agreed to discuss it over… Read full post »

OCTOBER 10, 2011 10:54PM

The edge of terror

It rained again today, not a gentle rain opening to blue skies and warmth. The hard grey endless rain of despair, the dark season has arrived. Temps are in the 60’s and I close myself in to shiver alone. Now when the sun comes out there will be cold wind, I… Read full post »


I’ll never forget a conversation with a friend a few years ago when we were laid off. I was telling her about a time I had two kids I could barely feed during a nasty divorce and the jobs I worked and the things I did to survive. Her… Read full post »

OCTOBER 4, 2011 9:41PM

A pointless post about a beetle


Sometimes after a hard rain I go stand on the patio to see the bright colors in the yard. There I find earthworms and I wonder how they get up the 8 inches of concrete. I have never seen one jump, I guess they can crawl vertically too, though IRead full post »