MAY 22, 2009 3:46PM

My Son Peed in My Mouth!

Rate: 10 Flag


What really bothers me about the whole thing is that I wasn’t as disgusted as I should have been.  I GOT PEE IN MY MOUTH!  I should have keeled over, dry-heaved, thrown-up a little, ran around the house screaming GROOOSSSSS!!!!  Instead, I stumbled backward, laughed lightly, and turned to wash my mouth out in the sink. 

Jack is just starting to demonstrate signs of potty-training readiness.  He is fascinated by his parents’ bathroom activity and often announces that “Dada and Mama go pee-pee, poo-poo on the bobby.”  I’m just waiting for him to tell the checkout lady at the grocery store this information. 

Last night I put him in the bathtub.  He stood frozen with buckled knees, clutching his crotch in a classic “I gotta go!” pose.  I whipped him out of the tub and sat him on the potty.  The problem some kids face in training their bodies to go on command is not always the holding, but the releasing.  I transferred him from the tub to the potty (on his command) five times before he was finally able to release the pee.

I peered into the toilet bowl to see if anything was happening. 

I said, “Move your hands honey, or you’ll get pee on yourself.”

Oh, he moved his hands alright, but not before filling a chubby cupped hand with about an ounce of pee.  He brought his hands up quickly to clap and yell “I did it!”  In the meantime nearly all the cupped pee made a quick deposit into my smiling mouth.

My first thought remained focused on his achievement, “He did it!”

Then, “Wait.  What the fuck just happened?”

Then, “Well, at least it’s Jack’s pee”

Then, “Hmm, salty”


I didn’t want to scare my toddler who was still celebrating his first step toward ‘big boy pants’ so I didn’t even make a face.  I, casually, side-stepped to the sink to spit and rinse my mouth.  I continued to nod and clap with him as if nothing incredibly gross had happened. 

Jack’s next mission is to pee into the potty with out giving mama a drink of it first.  I’m sure he’ll do fine as long as I stand back.

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Oh the memories!!! hehehehehehehe :O
I've decided not to say ANY of the things I was thinking of.

You're welcome.

Very cute post. Rated. And good for Jack!
Ha, ha! That's awesome. I've got all kinds of gross stories like this from years working in the veterinary field. I once reached to pick up a tiny male puppy out of his near-the-ceiling cage when my cutesy high-pitched voice got him all excited and he peed directly into my mouth and all over my face. It wasn't funny then, but it's a good story now!
Oh god! The things you never knew would happen to you before becoming a mom. Too funny. I'm glad this hasn't happened to me though. ;-)
Another reason I'm glad I had a daughter :)
Funny stuff. You're definitely not the first, nor the last but it is a shockingly surprising experience isn't it?