My life is about work. I have a husband, and I have two dogs, and we sometimes go hiking and we cook, but mostly, I work. When not working, I talk about work, and think about work, and plan for when I will get back to work. I am driven by a fear of poverty, and by a family history of bad money decisions, and so I am self-obliged to never let down my guard when it comes to cash. I must have something socked away in the bank, and I must know where my next paycheck is coming from, or I am frantic. When I read Gone with the Wind, I really, really identified with Scarlett O'Hara; though I didn't have anywhere near the genteel start in life that ol' Scarlett had, she and I are cut from the same cloth. I have been in the place to inwardly yell, "As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again!"
Here's the thing: I don't want my life to be about money, and running from the fear of losing it. I am concerned that I am on a path to shallowness and anxiety. As I recall, Scarlett, though tough and capable, was not exactly happy. It's not just all the holiday movies in which Scrooge finds his heart, either. I took nearly two weeks of vacation time shortly after Thanksgiving, during which I spent most of my time at home cooking, sewing, flowing without a schedule and generally trying on a personality that was not so cussedly Type A as my normal one. I like it. I like focusing on my home, and the idea of family as the touchstone for all that I do.
It's time to change the focus. That seems like a worthy goal for the new year.