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librarienne

librarienne
Location
Charlottean suburb, South Carolina,
Birthday
February 22
Title
Librarian
Bio
Married, middle-aged suburbanite, working on finding the meaning in my corporate educational existence.

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Salon.com
DECEMBER 30, 2009 12:01PM

Feeling Broody

Rate: 4 Flag

My life is about work.  I have a husband, and I have two dogs, and we sometimes go hiking and we cook, but mostly, I work.  When not working, I talk about work, and think about work, and plan for when I will get back to work. I am driven by a fear of poverty, and by a family history of bad money decisions, and so I am self-obliged to never let down my guard when it comes to cash.  I must have something socked away in the bank, and I must know where my next paycheck is coming from, or I am frantic.  When I read Gone with the Wind, I really, really identified with Scarlett O'Hara; though I didn't have anywhere near the genteel start in life that ol' Scarlett had, she and I are cut from the same cloth.  I have been in the place to inwardly yell, "As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again!"

Here's the thing: I don't want my life to be about money, and running from the fear of losing it.  I am concerned that I am on a path to shallowness and anxiety.  As I recall, Scarlett, though tough and capable, was not exactly happy.  It's not just all the holiday movies in which Scrooge finds his heart, either.  I took nearly two weeks of vacation time shortly after Thanksgiving, during which I spent most of my time at home cooking, sewing, flowing without a schedule and generally trying on a personality that was not so cussedly Type A as my normal one.  I like it.  I like focusing on my home, and the idea of family as the touchstone for all that I do.    

It's time to change the focus.  That seems like a worthy goal for the new year.

 

 

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Comments

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Interesting reflections here. "You can't take it with you" is true about things--but those you leave behind can still carry their memories of you. Can't beat that!

Good luck with the journey to come!
Very nice thoughts..Good luck with your change of focus..