I sat near the kitchen because when the meeting was over I would need to slip out with a couple of the other cooks and get the nightly snack ready.

Several couples had been betrothed and Uncle Dave didn’t show any signs of calling it a night. One girl was speaking in tongues and seemed to be getting a message to herself. According to her prophesy, she should not be afraid but marry a brother to whom she didn’t appear to be attracted. Some couples had been waiting for this chance but everything, including who you married and when, was tightly controlled by the leadership.

The thought that it might happen to me had not entered my mind that night, so, when I felt someone from behind touch my arm and say, “Stand up”, I did. Turning to see what the person wanted I saw one of the brothers with a big triumphant grin on his face looking at me.

They all started to laugh. Uncle Dave said, “Well, she didn’t have to stand up.”

The horror started to set in. He wanted to marry me and this was my proposal, “stand up”. Under the best of circumstances this would have been considered crude but the worst of circumstances was that this guy gave me the creeps. We were supposed to love all of our brothers and sisters-in-the-Lord so I couldn’t say I hated him or even disliked him.
I immediately sat down and tried to act like it hadn’t happened. When we finally took a break, Karen, Uncle Dave’s “secretary”, came over to me and whispered, “We believe it’s the Lord’s Will.”

At this time I had been in the group long enough to become so indoctrinated/brainwashed that I believed God spoke to the leaders and particularly Uncle Dave on my behalf. To be in His will I should do what they said.

I cried. A lot.

I was counseled by the elders. I was too proud. Why did I think I was too good to marry Ed.

I would reason to myself that it wasn’t my pride, it was just that I didn’t love him. But how could I say I didn’t love him when he was one of the brothers?

I was told by Aunt Jane, Dave’s wife, that God wanted to bless Ed by giving me to him.
But what about me, Aunt Jane?
God would bless me for making the sacrifice she said.

And so, there I was, sacrificed on the altar of marriage to a man I didn’t love, to teach me humility and to bring me closer to God. I wanted more than anything to be a good Child of God. I could not bear the thought of leaving the family which I had come to love. I had given up everything to follow the Lord. I couldn't let my pride cause me to turn my back on God. 

A reasonable person would understand and explain to Ed that this was all a big misunderstanding but these were not reasonable people. These were people who wanted to think they were closer to their God than anyone else and they loved power.

One day as I walked down the path at the ranch in Texas where we were living a brother told me that God had given him a scripture for me. It was Luke 2:36 “And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity”. He said that was all he got and he didn’t know why but he knew it was for me.

I took it to mean that I would be with Ed for seven years. My heart ached but I knew I could live through seven years if it meant I was doing God’s will. I had something to strive for...only seven years...oh, my god, seven years.

We had become betrothed that night and, after a brief period of courtship and getting to know one another, we went into town with several other couples and were married at the courthouse. 

I was doing God's will so why was I so miserable?

(Please don't think I still feel this way. I'm just trying to share with you how it felt at the time.)