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Linda Pressman

Linda Pressman
Location
Scottsdale, Arizona, U.S.A.
Birthday
March 07
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Writer/Editor
Bio
The author of Looking Up: A Memoir of Sisters, Survivors and Skokie, available on Amazon, Kindle and b&n.com. Kirkus Reviews said, "Humor and tragedy blend seamlessly in this memoir of childhood upbringing and family trauma...A memoir whose heart pays considerable homage to its subjects." Please visit my personal blog, Bar Mitzvahzilla, and Poetica Magazine where I'm the Blog Editor.

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DECEMBER 8, 2010 1:24AM

Mother, Interrupted

Rate: 23 Flag
vmo0035
  

Here's what happens when your mom is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At least if you're me. There's this total scoffing at the doctor's diagnosis. There's the trotting out of a hundred tiny facts your mother remembers even better than you and you're thirty years younger than her. There's the railing at a system of treating the elderly that throws them into categories: one gets dementia, then next Alzheimer's. Next!

Then you notice that she loses a few words here and there. Easy words like the names of her favorite restaurant or the word "checkbook." Then you notice her conversation becomes a little constrained, topic-wise, like she only wants to talk about food, she can talk about it for hours, yet she only says the same thing over and over again - how good it is. You find yourself missing your mother and she's sitting right in front of you.

Then maybe there's an interim event - a fall perhaps, or maybe a car accident, in your case. And then there's no more room for denial. Denial packs a bag and slithers away in the middle of the night. When your mother is recuperating from her injuries, which means she's finally left her convalescing couch, her world becomes constrained. She stopped cooking during her weeks on the couch and now, she tells you, she no longer cooks. Nor your stepfather. Food just magically appears every day and, anyway, they don't eat much. Some rice, some noodles, maybe a piece of challah. And, yes, it's good. Very, very good.

The mother you had - the annoying, argumentative one, the one you used to butt heads with, the one who used to find a way to interject a Holocaust story into every conversation until you were sure you too had lived in the forest running from the Nazis, that mother has been interrupted. And in her place? A different mother. A different kind of mother. A mother and a daughter and a child all at once.

Interrupted.

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Wow, this really got to me. The straight forwardness is what got me the most. And I loved this line: "Denial packs a bag and slithers away in the middle of the night."
This truly is heartbreaking to read. So very honest and poignant about something that is so hard to deal with when it is happening to a loved one. This is something that I myself, on occasion, dwell on heavily with regards to my parents and my wife's parents.
I watched my father and now I worry. I too lose words. Scary process.
There is no hiding, in this post. Wow. Rated.
Very honest and direct. It says it all. It is so difficult to see our parents age and change so much, isn't it? I know what you mean about "a mother and a daughter and a child all at once". With my mother, denial reigns strong.

Rated.
Such a "still", paused quality to the feel of this piece. So matter of fact that it squeezes my heart. All the best to you and your mother...how difficult it has to be.
My grandmother had this and died from it. What are the chances I too will succumb to its' wily ways? I'm sorry your mother suffers from it and you must be her witness and support.
Thank you for this post that so resonated. My mom slipped away too -- not from Alzheimers but from a series of small bleeds in the brain. Each left her more impaired and vulnerable. I never got to grieve -- she became another person, one who fiercely defended against any intervention. She too "forgot" how to cook!
interrupted. excellent description of a devastating disease.
Veronica, I love the idea of teaching Jewish History in a German Dept. I'm sure it'll be very popular. I understand that in Germany there is actually a quite a market for Holocaust literature and survivors' stories. Reminder to me: get my book translated into German!

And about the candles - the funny thing to me is when the stores put Matzoh on sale for Channukah, or gelt for Passover, like they're just scrambling to put anything Jewish out there on the sales ad!
Incredible post. Raw. Poignant. Deserving, the EP. R
Your title says it all. And then your story takes my breath. ~r
Yup. Been there. Am there.
Excellent, EXCELLENT recounting of the heartbreaking and relentless march of Alzheimer's disease.
Interrupted. Wow. That word packs a powerful punch. Well done.
Rated.
Anna, thank you for your kind remark. Denial. Who ever thought I'd have so much to say about it?

Deadzoned, thanks for your comment. For me it was like I knew it was coming, knew it was coming, knew it was - guess what? It was here.

Sheba, about the lost words (because I do this too), the doctor said the difference with Alzheimer's is not just the lost word for, for example, "keys," but that eventually the patient won't remember what keys are for. Or they're in the oven. :)

Thank you, Sophieh. I appreciate your comment.

Lizw9, thank you for your comment. I can't believe how much time I spent on denial. If I had only spent all that time problem solving I wouldn't be scrambling to catch up now! But - I guess this is the point - I really didn't believe it.

yekdeli, thank you for your comment. It is hard especially because we've always been somewhat of a mirror image of each other. And she's kind of my lightning rod.

Deborah, thanks for your comment. That is so true, I am her witness and support and it's an honor to help her now in her waning as she helped me in my growing. There are whole parts of my life I'm not sure I would've survived without her for a mother I'm happy to return the love.

HarryLou, I'm so sorry about your mother and the loss of her before her death. My mother, when argumentative, is becoming a very different person too. I just have to remember that inside somewhere, she's there.

Zanelle, thank you.

Thank you, Scupper and Joan H. Lisa, I'm so sorry you're there too. Every day's a new surprise, right?

Unbreakable, thank you. I appreciate your comment.
Very engaging.
Best Wishes with everything,
Blittie
Took me back. Rated (with a big juicy hug).
I am com in late to find this. Extraordinary writing, exceptional depth. My own situation Is a shadow of yours. The implications are frightening.
You're a very good writer. Rated.