
Here's what happens when your mom is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At least if you're me. There's this total scoffing at the doctor's diagnosis. There's the trotting out of a hundred tiny facts your mother remembers even better than you and you're thirty years younger than her. There's the railing at a system of treating the elderly that throws them into categories: one gets dementia, then next Alzheimer's. Next!
Then you notice that she loses a few words here and there. Easy words like the names of her favorite restaurant or the word "checkbook." Then you notice her conversation becomes a little constrained, topic-wise, like she only wants to talk about food, she can talk about it for hours, yet she only says the same thing over and over again - how good it is. You find yourself missing your mother and she's sitting right in front of you.
Then maybe there's an interim event - a fall perhaps, or maybe a car accident, in your case. And then there's no more room for denial. Denial packs a bag and slithers away in the middle of the night. When your mother is recuperating from her injuries, which means she's finally left her convalescing couch, her world becomes constrained. She stopped cooking during her weeks on the couch and now, she tells you, she no longer cooks. Nor your stepfather. Food just magically appears every day and, anyway, they don't eat much. Some rice, some noodles, maybe a piece of challah. And, yes, it's good. Very, very good.
The mother you had - the annoying, argumentative one, the one you used to butt heads with, the one who used to find a way to interject a Holocaust story into every conversation until you were sure you too had lived in the forest running from the Nazis, that mother has been interrupted. And in her place? A different mother. A different kind of mother. A mother and a daughter and a child all at once.
Interrupted.


Salon.com
Comments
Rated.
And about the candles - the funny thing to me is when the stores put Matzoh on sale for Channukah, or gelt for Passover, like they're just scrambling to put anything Jewish out there on the sales ad!
Interrupted. Wow. That word packs a powerful punch. Well done.
Rated.
Deadzoned, thanks for your comment. For me it was like I knew it was coming, knew it was coming, knew it was - guess what? It was here.
Sheba, about the lost words (because I do this too), the doctor said the difference with Alzheimer's is not just the lost word for, for example, "keys," but that eventually the patient won't remember what keys are for. Or they're in the oven. :)
Thank you, Sophieh. I appreciate your comment.
Lizw9, thank you for your comment. I can't believe how much time I spent on denial. If I had only spent all that time problem solving I wouldn't be scrambling to catch up now! But - I guess this is the point - I really didn't believe it.
yekdeli, thank you for your comment. It is hard especially because we've always been somewhat of a mirror image of each other. And she's kind of my lightning rod.
Deborah, thanks for your comment. That is so true, I am her witness and support and it's an honor to help her now in her waning as she helped me in my growing. There are whole parts of my life I'm not sure I would've survived without her for a mother I'm happy to return the love.
HarryLou, I'm so sorry about your mother and the loss of her before her death. My mother, when argumentative, is becoming a very different person too. I just have to remember that inside somewhere, she's there.
Zanelle, thank you.
Thank you, Scupper and Joan H. Lisa, I'm so sorry you're there too. Every day's a new surprise, right?
Unbreakable, thank you. I appreciate your comment.
Best Wishes with everything,
Blittie