Linda Treiber

Linda Treiber
Birthday
April 04
Title
a.k.a. Linnnn
Bio
You are cordially invited to close your eyes and throw a dart at any one of the titles listed in "My Links" below. Those stories are all bits and pieces of me. Let me know what you think...

MY RECENT POSTS

Linda Treiber's Links

1 Act Play - 4 Generations of Women
The Beach Divas
Random, Because I Can
I Fought the Law and...
Ghosties and Paranormal Musings
Kids, Dogs, Cats, Family and Such
My Links
The Baby Tree. A ghostly 1 act play
My Blog Bog Elsewhere
Soccer Moms Are Fabulous
It WAS a Tumor! Tale of the Tumor
Serial Killers, Catholics, 9/11 Etc.
The Adventures of Dr. Dad
Plays Made Entirely by Emails
OCTOBER 13, 2011 4:33PM

The Space Between Hell and College

Rate: 23 Flag
Bullies were always stereotypically singular and identifiable. They were the loner sweaty-faced angry kids who shoved and punched their way around knocking books out of the hands of the meek or making “meet me at 3 on the playground” challenges. They were always in the company of just themselves and the anonymous mob kids who watched, egged on and color commentated the rough handlings of these snarling malcontents like Romans in a warped Colisseum. The mob kids shouted louder when the dust rose, the fists flew. “Fight, fight. Fight!”  The mob kids had to side with the bully so they wouldn’t be next on the bloody dance card. 
   
Until now, I thought a bully to be handle-able.  I never took the first swing, but if I was punched first, I had permission to end it right then and there. I believed that all a bully needed to quit was a good nose bloodying, or a knee to the crotch.   I did my share of leveling the field in those days, both for myself and others.  I stuck up for the ones who couldn’t fight. Not terrifically girlie of me, I know, but my sense of social justice was simmering.
If someone would just hold my glasses and my retainer, it was on.
If adults got wind of it, we’d endure a “come to Jesus” meeting. The bully, the prey, both sets of parents and the school principal usually cleared it up. Deal sealers like a “no contact contract” or the threat of a lawsuit would stop down the whirling gyro of anger and then, after an appropriate period of time, the bully casually targeted the next victim in the chute, and the games began again.
The bully was, for me, a surly kid sitting in a chair. A singular I could diminish with one well-aimed punch.
Fast forward to now.
The bully at high school is a cyberspace phantasm named Rumor.  Its genesis is secrecy, anonymity. 
Who knows what sneering voodoo princess hatched that first untraceable egg a year ago?  Someone who hates the Girl’s spark, her courage, her confidence, her independence, her beauty, probably.  Someone who took her boisterous “ah, screw it” attitude personally. Someone who anonymously wanted her love, her loyalty... 
But hatch it did. 
It splits like an atom over and over again dividing exponentially along razor sharp web fibers sending soul killing lies and accusations from cell phone to laptop to hissing sibilant whispers echoing in steamy cement corridors.  There is no bully to blame, no singular to bloody or restrain by law.  
The bully is a ghost.
When the electrical storm of lies abates, Girl breathes, but just a breath or two.  It comes again in waves, she knows.  It’s not stopping, not flaming out. Friends don’t battle with her, stick up for her, fearing the ignition of their own personal incineration. 
It is invincible.

It comes from the space between hell and college.

Thank you to: Sabine Mayer - Easy to be hardHAIR Musicalsommer Amstetten, Austria 2007 Sabine Mayer-Fowler (Sheila) sings "Easy to be hard"

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I hated schoolyard bullies. But I think I'm more troubled by the modern bullies, with the online anonymous slandering. They're harder to confront, harder to avoid and harder to fight back against.
All of my bullies are nobodies or they're dead. I'm fine with that and do not plan to encounter them again. The social bullies are my least favorite and I have to shut the snarky bitches down. I used to be afraid of them. Now they back off and get along just as they do with anyone who has a spine.

This was Well done and R
anonymous nastiness is all too prevalent and nearly impossible to prove and stop. i am all too familiar with the slime left on one's skin by bullies like that. when it happens to a kid, though, it's enough to make one's blood boil. your sentence - "Someone who anonymously wanted her love, her loyalty" - is spot on, though it doesn't make it easier to stop that you understand that. i hope her move to college wipes this away. i'm so sorry you both have to endure it.
terrific; has lots of punch. And I agree w Crank. Rated.
As you said, today's bullies are exponentially more dangerous because their meanness can spread to 100s, 1,000s, and cause the deaths of innocent, vulnerable young people. What times we live in! Rated.
Bullies change with the times. On the internet? Bad. Another time to duck and cover, just like with the atom bomb scares when I was a kid. I thought your bully was going to be a bit like mine, but yours was more amorphous, less easy to pin down. I just wrote about mine, too, if you want to check it out.
Cranky - It is insidious and relentless. Hydra-like, one head chopped and two grow in its place.

Zuma - If Girl could locate them, believe me the shut down would be imminent.

Candace - College changes everything. It did for me. Eyes on the horizon. You also touched on something that floors me: I can't fix it.

Jonathan - Thanks and thanks for the lovely message on FB.

Erica - It IS so dangerous...You are so right.

Thank you all for letting me vent a bit.
This phenomena is very troubling. I think it's great that your daughter knows she's loved - that goes a long way. But still, how awful. I wish I had some advice....
I remember the whispers the gossip and the hurt. Sometimes worse than a slap in the face.
Well done .. and sending huge hugs
Not sure what to say, how to comfort, except that sometimes staying away and not feeding into it allows it to die to a degree I think. Focus on other things, and knowing that you are cared for and loved is a key element. IF it is overtly destructive, lie filled, etc. consider contacting the authorities. There is no anonymity really on the internet, I think they can find you by a number of methods. I am no expert. I understand.
Maybe the good kids should spend a little time on OS watching the occasional dustup and maybe even jump in and pick up a trick or two or at least toughen their skin fending off the anonymous snarkers who think they're still in high school. A cyber martial arts camp. The kids come in as grasshoppahs and leave as skilled asswhuppahs.
This makes me crazy with anger. I am so so sorry. ~r
Terrific writing. Lots of brilliance here. With a mother like you she'll escape it all with grace.
The internet has exposed how many adult bullies are out there too. Scary scary.
Great writing , all so true and I love knowing you stood up for the kids who wouldn't stand up for themselves. I liked you before and now I admire you.r
Man, you can fucking write, wow! Sorry about the language. I was you, I was an army brat who had to fight at ever new school and liked it. I also took up for the little guy. I hate injustice in any form, I guess that's why I was never voted "Most Popular"!
our society has a great hypocrisy on bullying and Im thinking about writing on this. in short, we have many institutions that institutionalize bullying. its endemic in government, corporations, etcetera. if a project manager or boss is abusive, how is that different than bullying? its a fine line, and Ive had many managers, and many crossed that line. so its a society problem that is merely *reflected* in the schools. also your comment about "like spectators at a roman gladiator event" is very evocative and dead on. its an ancient streak. its probably built into our genes, just like stuff like hierarchy and sex. Im dead serious. it fits in with our base instincts. its reptilian! its hardcoded/hardwired in the deep reptilian brain.
my major issue with bullying is that it was probably covertly tolerated a bit more in my childhood. the teachers felt, something along the lines, "let the kids take it out on each other and as long as they dont break their bones, who cares, they are not bothering us". there is no attempt to figure out who the perpetrator and the victim are and treat them totally separately. the victim is going to feel like they are guilty of something the way adults approach the issue, to have both of the kids getting stern lectures. the adults should try to identify the problem bullies and pay special attention to them and escalate the penalties if they are repeatedly caught bullying. did this happen anywhere? no, I dont think that concept showed up anywhere. bullying is a youthful version of lack of justice, lack of legitimate authority. legitimate authority will not tolerate bullying or look the other way. Ive also seen teachers that themselves engage in a kind of subtle bullying. they might silently tolerate bullying against kids they dont like!! an astonishing thought, but true, Im sure. so its a multidimensional issue that todays 1dimensional approaches fail to address. its a deep psychological issue with humanity. how is what we are doing in afghanistan or iraq or libya any different than BULLYING? answer-- it is far WORSE. its disguised OPPRESSION. its called WAR and bullying is just a junior level practice run for becoming SOLDIERS OF WAR. and the government needs plenty of those for its endless, futile, bloody wars. so I say, when wars end, then bullying will truly end too.
look in the mirror. we have met the enemy, and he is us. --pogo
Great piece you have written here Linnn. Sorry for your Girl, hope she comes out the other end stronger and wiser but it is a bitch to watch. I also punched back, and having a good girlfriend who has you back is essential. Hope your Girl has one or two.
hope this doesnt post twice, but PS great title.
I remember a particular teacher from years ago in 5th grade who was the main disciplinarian for the school. he specialized in it. the kids were always writing thousands of "lines" on many pages of paper for minor infractions. it was very military-like. the principle condoned it, and did not interfere. the teacher was clearly a bully. the principle tolerated it and even supported it in subtle ways, by not reigning in the teacher. the teacher, in my view, had psychological issues and or actual problems and was in charge of dozens of students from different classes during the day.
bullying is multidimensional and cannot be analyzed in a simplistic way.
"I stuck up for the ones who couldn’t fight."

Now, that, is a most honorable quality. I hope this karma will always be there for you. Excellent post. R
I hate bullies. Hard to believe they exist even at our age. -R-
Alysa - Yes, she does know she is loved, but she also values her ability to tough stuff out, to solve, to understand and conquer. This is wearing her out in its vagaries.

Linda - I do too. Hugzzz back, I know they are genuine.

Sheila - Thank you for your sage advice.
Matt - With respect, the dust-ups here are pretty tame compared to some of the stuff in high schools these days. It's like propaganda wars, very far reaching.

Joan - You probably entered the arena on someone else's behalf too. It makes me crazy that I just can't fix it myself. Ssuch a good friend you are...

fernsy - From reading your sagas of the injustices perpetrated against you, I think you know how this is first hand.
hugs, me - There is a funny story about one bully who chased me home and howled in my backyard until mom told her to get lost. But basically, the inequity of bully vs. quiet/small/doofy kid just irked me into action. Two evenly matched opponents? Throw down, I don't care.

scanner - That's one of the nicest most spontaneous things anyone has said about my writing in a while. Thanks, Brother.

vzn - Clean that up and publish it. It's got some great observations and some folks will want to comment upon your points. S'all good.

Rita - Girl has one or two real friends who are standing by. If one good thing to come of this, she now knows who that is.

Thoth - Thanks! I am a firm believer in karma or this whole anonymous cyber rumor thing would make me crazier than it already does.

Christine - I think vzn is right about it being institutionalized and not just the play acting we see in high school. High sschool is just a rehearsal...
Well done. One of my classmates, yes, you heard correctly, "my" classmates, who graduated thirty years ago, has been charged with felony cyberstalking of her ex-husband and several others.

That term didn't even exist until probably five years ago, and now there are so many shades of it, it makes old fashioned bullying seem so primitive and "curable" in comparison.
Very nicely written. With the ever increasing varieties of social networking, this style of bully M.O. will only become worse. Since the NSA is already data-mining our internet activities (Hi, guys!), maybe they can, at least, flag the bullies and dump their names into an "Assholes - Do Not Hire" file.
Here! Here! and Bully for you mate. I'm glad you stood up for the ones needing a hand. Did you ever get seriously injured from doing so? I stepped in a few times too and a few times I didn't do it, but wish I had. School is supposed to be a place for learning, but whenever you get a large crowd of people together it seems the main goal becomes secondary. The crowd mentality creeps me out.
On the web too. In the grocery store parking lot. Everywhere!

One good thing about the web is the anonymous bullies can now be blocked and even found. And it sure sucks to find out just how UNanonymous they really are... but we all have our sneaking suspicions of who the cyber bully might be. Often a jealous, wounded, lonely, paranoid, delusional person too scared to leave the house. Don't Feed The Trolls!
Linnnn - first, I hope that the Girl is well.

Second, thanks for the look ahead. I'm watching with interest as my daughter moves through new social challenges.
they say a gentle tongue can break a bone. a rumor can break a life. thanks. rated.