Linda Treiber

Linda Treiber
April 04
a.k.a. Linnnn
You are cordially invited to close your eyes and throw a dart at any one of the titles listed in "My Links" below. Those stories are all bits and pieces of me. Let me know what you think...


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1 Act Play - 4 Generations of Women
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Random, Because I Can
I Fought the Law and...
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Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 19, 2012 1:17PM

Hollywood East. Naked Ambition.

Rate: 39 Flag

“If you got a lead part in a movie, but it had a nude scene, would you do it?”

She sat down next to me on the back steps of a vintage coquina stone mansion located in wealthy Coconut Grove and bounced the question at me as though we had been friends for years.
We were on location there shooting the insane asylum scenes for a picture called Nobody’s Perfekt starring Gabe Kaplan, Robert Klein, Alex Karras and his wife Susan Clark.  The Director was Peter Bonerz.
I was one of three Production Assistants on the set.
I thought she was an extra.
Her hair was pulled back with a headband accentuating her cat-like eyes. They turned up at the sides like she was always slightly bemused and she squinted when she concentrated.  She was my age, early 20’s, so I guess that’s why she asked me the question. 
I can only suppose that she needed perspective from someone who wasn’t middle-aged, predatory and male; the basic profile of  those who were making movies in Florida at that time. 
Hollywood East, we liked to call it. That’s what we hoped for.
It was lunchtime. I remember this specifically because, as a Production Assistant, it was the only time I could sit down with my radio (walkie-talkie) off and not get verbally lashed for it.  The first rule of motion picture Production Assistants was never to be caught sitting down, leaning against something or even squatting on a movie set.  If caught, you’d best be puking or swelling up from some kind of sprain or insect bite because otherwise no one hesitated to call you out for slacking.  
My role was to always be at the elbow of the First Assistant Director ready to spring into action at his every utterance.  Once tasked, I was required to chirp out an audible “Copy that!” before scampering away to fulfill the request. 
It was my job to police the lunch line making sure everyone ate according to rank on the set; the star actors first, then the producers and directors followed by the union technical crew, the Teamsters, the day players, the extras and then, after repelling the homeless guys who always snuck in, me, dead last and starving. 
I was trying to wolf down something to fuel the rest of my 12-plus hour day.  The second rule for P.A.’s was to be first to set with donuts before dawn and last to leave after posting the Production Report at night. 
Her question caught me off guard. I replied -
“I’ve been asked to be shot nude once and I turned it down.”
“But what if it was your ticket? The break that would make your career?  Would you do it then?"
“I sort of turned down Playboy, so...”
“What? WHAT? You’ve got to be kidding me?” 
“When  I was in college, a guy named Dwight Hooker came through town on assignment to find college women for a special feature in Playboy.  I was modeling for a local Lerner’s store and my photographer set me up for an interview.”
“Did you have to be nude at the interview?”
“No. Wore a nice flattering Lerner’s swim suit and borrowed heels. Hooker took some Poloroids then. I thought it was a long shot but surprise!  I got a call back for a test photo shoot at some estate with a pool outside of town. That’s where I would be required to show that I could, well, do it.”
“Pose naked?”
“So why didn’t you? God, you probably blew a big opportunity…”
“I called my dad. We talked about it for a long time; about how it could mean making connections that would lead to a big time career; about how I felt about being seen that way by anyone passing by a news stand all over the world; about fame and money and its advantages and downfalls; about the character of the people who promote celebrity…All of which I told him I thought I was strong and smart enough to deal with.  I was actually kind of leaning toward doing it…”
“Yeah?  SO?  Those are good arguments..."
“It was the last thing he said.  He has lunch with his friends every day. Lawyers, judges, businessmen and doctors.  All close friends.  One of them is my godfather.  Dad just let me know that it would be a very bad day for him should one of them pick up that particular magazine and see his daughter, me, in it. That was all I needed to hear.”
Her eyes widened a little and then she squinted, folded her hands under her chin and rested her elbows on her knees while looking out toward the gardens at that mansion. It was a beautiful dignified estate with great bones and history, cast for the day as an insane asylum.
The Assistant Director yelled, glaring at me, “We’re back in. New set up, let’s go!”
“Thanks for that.  I guess that’ll help me give an answer to the guys shooting Porky’s. They offered me a big part.”
“Oh, yeah.  I heard that was coming up.  Wow. Well good luck, um, never caught your name?  I’m Linda…”
"It's Kim. See ya!"


Photos:  IMBD
Video: Youtube

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I know a woman who, if asked to pose naked, would go out and buy an outfit for the part.
What a window on a world I hadn't known!
I did, once, pose nude for an artist. Her work flattered me.

I hope you saved Gabe Kaplan's autograph.
Saw him toupee-less (which was a big deal) and Susan Clark threw her breakfast at me one time. Good times.
In other words, without you, "Sex and the City" might have had a different cast.
I wonder if she ever regretted her decision. So many actors get what they think is a big break but it turns out to forever hem them in.
Yowsers... she sure changed her tune down through the years. Sucha good Canadian girl too hahahah
well UK to Canada..:)
No way!!! This was such a cool story - and respect to you for standing up for what you believed in.
Watching her smell those locker room clothes, I know she made the right decision...
What a tough question. I don't think I could answer it for someone else. As for myself - well since I've never had an offer like that, I couldn't say one way or the other!
I don't know of Kim Catrall, but I like your dad. Great piece, Linnnn ~ thanks tr ig for kicking some good writing ass.
She definitely "matured" over the years! It is always good to get an insider's view. R
I was offered a part in a movie if I would wear a bag over my head.
Great story, Linnn. I had no idea you used to do modelling.

Kim did in fact lose her modesty somewhere, some time
after didn't she! In the 90's Eli's momma was a "sex in the
city" junkie-- couldn't get enough. Eli referred to Samantha
as "the whore" which was cute as he was just a tot. He leaned
towards the sweet half-innocent yet kinky... Charlotte York
Goldenblatt. Me too by the way!
Cool Linnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!
Whoa! Whilst I was commenting you went EP!!
Your style using conversation makes the past so immediate to the reader--this writing as well as the memorable one on Ted Bundy. Of course, this has a different tone. (So...does Kim ever disrobe? :)
I am a huge welcome back Kotter fan so am envious that you got to work with Kaplan. Can't help a little snark: nice to see how Kim's acting improved so much over the decades. Good piece, linnnnnn.
Our attitudes toward nudity are very unhealthy, but, of course, we'd never admit that. We do love our little taboos.

Evidently Kim didn't give a damn what her dad would think, or else he was a different kind of dad. Glad you came out of retirement for this. ;-|
Didn't really retire...Just the holidays hog a lot of focus. For everybody as it turns out.
I'm more interested in the brief period when there was film production in Florida. Universal and Disney both had "back lots" built up. Disney's wasn't kept away from the tourists, and I heard of someone who rented part of their back lot, and had to put up with trams passing by every minute with the amplified voice of the guides saying "This is real production going on!"

Universal was better; they isolated their sound stages and their back lot spaces. But, of course, the money dried up. It was so much cheaper to shoot in Canada than anywhere in America. And only someone as desperate for work as Gabe Kaplan would ever go to Florida to do a movie.

Pose naked? For what? Nobody's going to make a film in Florida, except perhaps for some low-life porn producer who thinks the Mafia will fund him.
Fun piece - what an interesting job, for a while at least!
Nice interlude, sage advice ...
good piece.
What a cool story Linn
Ahh, nothing says, BIG TIME, like having a movie actor/actress throw their meal at you!! ~swoon~ :D

Great piece, well deserved EP!!!!
No one has ever, ever asked me to pose nude for a move. Ever. Really.
Interesting, these intersections. Good fun.
Interesting, these intersections. Good fun.
scupper can say that again. Good fun.

I was in a stand-in flop Civil War movie.

It was filmed at Harpers Ferry, West Virginia.

'Gods and Generals' and no nude scenes.

I wore a black top hat with long coattails.

The catered food was delicious. It was fun.

Many stand-in folk traveled the country.

They had been in Spiel-burg's` Roots.

I'm serious. I'll never act `gin tho.

The Farmers begged me to try out.

I played a hanging role. Serious.

I acted that I was John Brown.

The audition was to be dead.

John Brown was not in movie.

I got a few bucks for a wine jug.

My body his too filled with scars.

No kill a potbelly pig for a BBQ.
I've always been paid to keep my clothes on. This is a really nice story, and a telling insight into a question many young actresses (and PAs) face.
[r] Linnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!! U R fabulous. Even without it being Kim C. it is a great story! And then the payoff.

I once went on non-equity auditions in NYC when I first moved here and considered for a NY minute dealing with the slings and arrows of professional acting (dabbling in regional theater had been fun and ego-puffing). Some sleazy sorts one immediately discovers on the non-Equity circuit and sometimes the copy description among the scripts would assert "nudity required". As I would raise my lone hand in front of the lowlife producers/director during the casting round-ups and assert I was not interested in those particular roles, they dismissively had me read one or two lines quickly and then BYE BYE. I was surprised and awed I left alone. WTF? I was astonishingly naive but could not help be nauseated by the creepy "racket" before me. Thank God I wasn't hungry enough for that speculated or actual naked hoop jumping!

I remember Kim C. doing a nice job on an old Columbo as an ingenue. She morphed into a swell actress and indeed did help the bloody awful double standard all women face re sexuality imho.

BTW, your story with Dad more interesting even than Kim's! libby
I love reading about these kinds of experiences -- brushes with people we might have been, if only...

I thought about signing up as a nude model for one of my daughter's figure drawing classes, because that would just be the most AWESOME "gotcha" of all times, but in the end I was too prudish.
Cool piece, Linnnn! ~r
I was a nude model for some friends of mine who make their living teaching drawing. They lived in a big church they had converted into a house, and the studio was the main area of the church with the stained glass windows. When I wasn't nude modeling, I was their babysitter. I was in a very safe environment, but it was still very hard that first time taking my clothes off in front of other people. I was their favorite model because I can stay still in a pose almost indefinitely, which is actually very hard to do. When they couldn't pay anything I traded artwork and drawing lessons for modeling sessions.
♥╚═══╝╚╝╚╝╚═══╩═══╝─╚for giving us this chuckle worthy treat.
I guess this story is about kim cattrall from comments. she has a great book on sex out. to me you leave out some of the most interesting parts of the story. like, Im not familiar but was she in porky's? did she regret the decision? was it good for her career? why was porky's such a hit movie anyway? this was all a little before my time so I dont really know the answers but I sure do remember some of the weird/wild buzz over that movie as a kid.
This is really fascinating. I don't really have any suggestions for improvement.
what a great memory, and a fun read.
when I worked in LA I saw several productions and some celebrities. Karen Allen actually smiled several times at me... that's as close as I got.
Sorry I missed this earlier.. What a good decision you made! I don't know what clicks in the mind of someone who would've decided to accept. I'd like to read that argument too sometime if someone writes about it.
Gabe Kaplan! That's a blast from the past. But your piece was terrific. I guess everyone ultimately has their price. R
Eeee, this totally gave me chills! I had to force myself not to scroll down too fast, lest I ruin the surprise! I am too young to remember the movie... but I know she did a sex scene, did she go "full monty?" I loved her in SATC, I know she does full-frontal in that, haha. I don't know how I would react to that question, though. Your dad makes an excellent point! If it wasn't his friend picking up the magazine, it could have been your future children. Good story!
Thanks for giving me an inside view.

As for whether I'd do a nude scene...I remember, when I was much younger, going to an interactive play that required the audience to strip to their underwear. I remember standing there in my yellow lace bra and panties...never gave it a second thought. Today, I wouldn't take off my shoe. :)
What a great story! I have always enjoyed Kim Cattral, even in the 80's. My friend and I were just talking about Mannequin yesterday. Maybe she has you to thank for not doing the naked shoot, could have ruined her career?

I would have totally done the Playboy shoot though. Had an opportunity to be in a nasty rag...Cherry, but I didn't do that and a girl on girl Penthouse shoot, those were just too sleezy, but Playboy...yeah, in a heartbeat.