A beautiful fall day is perfect for a country flea market. One thing is certain: even if you can’t find any bargains, there’s always plenty of absurdity to go around. Throw on a pair of your rattiest jeans, a flannel shirt, and a John Deere cap and come along with me to the flea market. You can leave your comb, deodorant, and refined vocabulary at home. You won’t need them where we’re going.
You never know who you’ll run into at the flea market. Even some of Freaky Troll’s extended family were there.
I’m not sure who this guy is (Santa’s killer handyman elf? Horror movie extra?) but I don’t think I’d let him in my house. His apron might say “Screws” and “Bolts” but the maniacal look in his eye suggests that he might have a few loose ones.
The flea market vendors want to stay ahead of the Christmas rush by bringing out their Christmas merchandise before Halloween. How can anyone resist this Hiding Santa? He’s perfect. If he can’t see you, he can’t put you on his Naughty List.
The woman in this painting is butt-ass naked, but apparently the small orange sticky notes over each nipple disguise that fact.
Just a few spots down from the ammo and XXX-rated VHS tapes, welcome to Redneckistan. Here, you can purchase a different fashion statement for every day of the week.
This ought to teach those damn kids to stop throwing their ball into my yard.
It’s all here, even the kitchen sink.
A lot of the vendors are patriotic and want everyone to know it. This vendor shows us how even a pool ladder is enhanced with the addition of an American flag.
Here’s one-stop shopping for the perfect redneck wedding: an Eagles shirt for the groom, a wedding dress for the bride, and a game of Twister for the reception.
Of course, you don’t want to drink too much at the reception or you’ll end up like this poor dog:
Apparently the natives made a wood carving of Gene Simmons.
The astute flea marketer knows that complementary objects arranged together yield successful sales. Notice how the red anvil and the deer antlers enhance the patina of the white elephant table. Can’t you just picture all of them in your living room?
Any idea what this is? Me neither but it doesn’t appear to be G-rated.
Now THAT’S a cauldron! You can easily cook three neighborhood children at one time.
Test tubes? Rocket fuel belt? Your guess is as good as mine.
Doesn’t this little guy just say take me home? Or maybe he says hide the lawn and garden tools.
And he's brought friends. These ones suggest that someone has too much time on his hands.
Oh look! Supplies for incontinence issues at any age:
The pig farmer is a regular at the flea market. Hauling pigs by day...
...and your flea market treasures on the weekend.
No need to remove the pig shit first; just load ‘er up.
This chest promises a Gay Time (or Alternative Lifestyle Time for those politically correct folks.)
Need a tire? How about fifty of them?
Once again, we see the value of purposeful merchandising in action: an antique fire extinguisher for when your antique gas fireplace catches on fire.
File this one under Why Don’t You Just Throw It the Hell Out?
Don’t have a pot to piss in because of the economy? Here’s TWO of them for you.
The old ball and chain, after the divorce:
Admit it. You want one of these, don’t you?
Everyone needs a wooden zebra with a come-hither look in its eye.
In spite of all of the odd offerings, I did manage to find something that I couldn’t live without:
A bad day at the flea market beats a good day working every time.
**be sure to mouse over the photos for even more fun.