Lisa Kern

Lisa Kern
Pennsylvania, US
March 28
I'm a mom of three boys, a needy dog, and an insolent cat. When I'm not writing, vacuuming up pet hair, or cleaning pee off the toilet seat, I like to fantasize about jeans that actually fit and an all-you-can-eat-chocolate-and-cheese diet. Welcome to my party.


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JANUARY 13, 2012 12:00PM


Rate: 26 Flag

All I wanted was a nap.  I’d been thinking about it all day at work, and now that I was finally home, I was determined to sneak in a nap before I had to make dinner.


I went into my bedroom and was surprised to see the cat curled in a ball on my pillow.  Even though he looked adorable and quite comfy, I gently picked him up and moved him to the other side of the bed.  Before I’d gotten my glasses off and my body into bed, however, he was back, once again curled up on my pillow.


I picked him up and put him on the floor.  I lay down quickly before he had a chance to jump back in my spot.  Blissfully, I closed my eyes.


My peaceful moment was soon interrupted by what felt like a sack of socks landing on my chest with a plop.  It was the cat with his face about an inch from mine. 


I shooed the cat onto the floor and closed my eyes.  Closed eyes are apparently an act of aggression in a cat's world.  The next thing I knew, he sent my glasses flying off the nightstand and onto the floor with a single swipe of his paw.


Of course, the very fact that I need glasses means that I had a hard time finding my glasses.  I felt around with my hand on the floor until I found the landing spot of my glasses which happened to be inside my shoe.


I glared at the cat and lay back down. I was thinking about how comfortable and warm my bed was when I heard a scrinch, scrinch, scrinch sound.


What now?  I put on my glasses and jumped out of bed.  This time, the cat was munching on a plastic bag inside the waste basket.  Evidently those plastic grocery store bags come in a tasty tuna flavor because he was chewing mightily on it.  


I put the trash can out in the hall, closed my bedroom door, and tried once more to take my nap.  I'd just barely fallen asleep when I was awoken by the sensation of something soft hitting my nose every few seconds.


I opened my eyes but stayed very still.  Sure enough, it was the cat, playfully tapping my nose with his paw and then quickly ducking out of my field of vision on the side of the bed.


"OK, cat, that's it.  You win.  No nap for me today."  I put on my glasses and got out of bed.


As I looked back at my bed, there was the cat, curled into a ball on my pillow. I'm pretty sure I saw him smiling.

At least one of us will be well-rested.  Too bad it won't be me.    



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Cats - the only creature that could act like that and yet still feel indispensible somehow. Georgie has the nickname "toe monster" b/c her favorite trick is to wait for you to lie down and begin to doze before pouncing repeatedly on your feet under the covers, batting them with her needle sharp claws and biting at them to boot. I loved this piece!
After all, it is his pillow as much as you might think it's yours.
I am exactly like you in this manner i guess. Cat naps rule and the best HNY to you.
Lisa this is, as I ponder it, quite an amazing little tale. I mean that you were so desperate for the nap but the cat was more so. Utterly lovely. R
What a smart (and persistent) kitty!
Millie likes to crawl on me (apparently my ribs are like little steps in a ladder when I'm on the couch. And if I'm late getting up (and getting her out) in the morning, she's RIGHT in my face. They're hard to ignore! Good thing they're so cute.
Your cat is spoiled rotten! Even Tink knows better than to pull a stunt like that. None of our seven cats are allowed into the bedroom, but this is because I'm allergic to cat dander. They do rule the rest of the house - when we let them in.
It's pretty clear who's in charge at your house.
Cats own people, they are the masters not us.
Oy! This is one of the reasons why I sleep on my tummy. Generally, a cat will jump on my back, give me a massage (if there's a thick blanket, I won't feel the kneading of claws) and fall asleep on top of me. It works for both of us. I understand, though, that we are not all tummy-sleepers. And cats are smug!
Oh my do I understand! You made me smile and I loved it.
This is why I must be allergic to cats.
Love it!

My daughter's kitty, Stewart, wakes her up with paw-pats, that get stronger and stronger, and finally bites her nose if he gets no responce. Good job Stewart!
Catnapping is for cats, Lisa. :o)
A very heartwarming piece.

My cat used to aim carefully at a single toe, just as I was about to..., at an inopportune moment.

True story.
This is a cute story, and so catlike! He is a funny guy. I guess he's telling you that next time, you move over and I'll keep the pillow! :)
You are so totally hooked. I love how you describe your kitty crack habit without admitting it.
Have you checked out Nicole Hollander's humor books - a lot of them are about cats and I find them very funny.

I used to have to lock my two cats outside my bedroom because, I'd wake up as they were chasing each other across my chest or face. Then they would cry and scratch at the door for about a half an hour.

They remember, I think, that they were worshiped as Gods in Egypt!

I enjoyed this very much! Thanks!