- Pennsylvania, US
- March 28
- I'm a mom of three boys, a needy dog, and an insolent cat. When I'm not writing, vacuuming up pet hair, or cleaning pee off the toilet seat, I like to fantasize about jeans that actually fit and an all-you-can-eat-chocolate-and-cheese diet. Welcome to my party.
MY RECENT POSTS
- The Old Mom
September 13, 2013 02:00PM
- Bailey gets her groom on
April 23, 2013 07:57PM
- Evan's Rules of Proper
May 15, 2012 01:12PM
- Bringing spices
May 04, 2012 09:03AM
- Evan, the Cat Whisperer
April 18, 2012 08:39AM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “I really enjoyed this,
J. T. You write with such
and it reflects
October 17, 2013 08:13PM
- “Susan - Bwahaha! I love
October 17, 2013 08:04PM
- “Susan - thank you for
finding this one! Thanks, too,
making me feel better
October 17, 2013 08:03PM
- “Oh, you have to post
whatever your mom writes. "The
one you ever
September 28, 2013 07:26PM
- “Oh, that last line says
so much! I'm glad you're OK
getting back to
September 25, 2013 08:45PM
Lisa Kern's Links
- MY LINKS
I’ve got a confession to make: I’m a complete idiot when it comes to all things technological.
One of my kids had to make a PowerPoint presentation for a school project and I couldn’t help him; I just recently learned how to back up files on my computer; I… Read full post »
Living in a household full of boys, I’ve dealt with a respectable amount of repugnant things: I’ve given beef-jerkified lizards a proper burial. I’ve raised metamorphosing caterpillars on my kitchen counter. I’ve disposed of the lifeless remains of birds and… Read full post »
My 9-year-old son, Evan, had had enough. He missed having a dog and took every opportunity to remind me. Eventually, he figured out that for something to happen, it first needs to be on my To-Do list.
He didn’t realize that his father and I had already started lo… Read full post »
(Actual telephone conversation with my mother today:)
“Exactly how big is it?”
“About the size of a quarter./… Read full post »
Last Friday, my husband Dan and I found ourselves without two-thirds of our children. Our oldest two were away on an overnight school trip. When you’ve been married a thousand years like we have, and you find yourself with a rare night without most of your children, you start to thi/… Read full post »
Sometimes, no matter how badly we wish for things to be different from how they are, the time comes when we’re forced to confront the reality of the situation with both eyes open. Resisting the truth tends to eventually hit us squarely in the jaw, like a knock-out punch, layi/… Read full post »
I’ve been having an interesting time lately reconnecting with people from my past on Facebook. There’s nothing like reuniting with an old friend to envelop you in those warm and fuzzy memories. In my recent Facebook experiences, however, the emphasis appears to be on th/… Read full post »
As if things haven’t been delightful enough around here, our unlovable dog Madame Cujo has decided to inject her own brand of fun into the mix.
If you’re at all familiar with Madame Cujo, our term of endearment for our miniature schnauzer, Shelby, you might r… Read full post »
It’s my birthday tomorrow. I’ll be 46, starting the official downward slide toward 50 and my AARP card.
Being nearly 46 has brought me many surprises, not all of which are welcome ones.
For example, I used to have an outstanding memory. I could remem/… Read full post »
It’s morning. I think of what day it is. God, please let it not be the 15th. I don’t have the money for the payroll taxes. Oh wait... did I pay the truck? Shit! I didn’t pay the truck. I hope that check comes today. It’s W/… Read full post »
Since becoming a mother, my life has been one series of unbelievable moments after another.
I’m sure that you’re thinking the word “unbelievable” has an exciting, magical connotation to it, right? Not even close. When I use the word &ldqu… Read full post »
Dear Bank of America,
We’ve been together a long time. Since 1997, in fact. I’ve known you longer than I’ve known one of my children, longer than I’ve owned my car, and longer than I’ve lived in my home.
We’ve been through many things… Read full post »
This one’s for the guys; those underloved, underappreciated guys.
Can we talk? I promise I’ll be quick and won’t ask you to call me in the morning. Besides, this is a subject I know you’re interested in: S. E. X. Surely you remember S/… Read full post »
Thanks to Suze Orman, I finally get it. I finally understand why it’s been so difficult for my family to stay afloat financially. Apparently, my current money woes have nothing to do with the national recession but are actually a result of my own ineptitude. I’m so grate… Read full post »
A brand new bra and a sparkly tiara have Deven's mom in the mood for love. She has her eye on a fellow named Bob. Since we all love Mom so much, and would never want some old fart to leave her heartbroken, it's our duty to make sure his intentions are… Read full post »
It seemed like the perfect addition to my weight loss efforts. A little exercise would make the inches melt away faster so that my Skinny Jeans and I can once again enjoy a civil relationship.
You'll probably make certain judgments about me when I tell you that I'm… Read full post »
Happy Birthday, Karen...
To the girl who composes songs for her pets,
who makes my native Ohio seem like a travel destination,
and who writes an appreciative ode to her cold virus for not being more of a pain in the ass than it… Read full post »
They'd been taunting me for weeks; those jeans that I used to wear all the time but which are now too tight. After expanding my diet over the holidays to include more celebratory foods, I found that my menu wasn't the only thing that had been expanding. When I tried… Read full post »
Looking back, I probably should have offered to hold it for her while she played. I know from experience with my own children how flimsy those plastic containers can be. The little clasps on the lids hardly ever stay closed.
It was my day to help s… Read full post »
(Common field mouse photo courtesy of http://www.nps.gov/york/naturescience/mammals.htm)
If it wasn’t bad enough that I’d been stricken with The Dreaded Stomach Flu, a mouse had the nerve to get inside the house and die somewhere in my bedroom.
We’v… Read full post »
Yesterday was a lucky day for me because I had the good fortune to be seated next to you in the Chinese restaurant where I'd met a friend for lunch. It’s evident to me that you are quite popular because your cell phone rang repeatedly the entire time that we… Read full post »
While watching President Barack Obama’s Inauguration today, I cried. During George W. Bush’s 2005 Inauguration, I cried too. Even though the occasions were the same, the nature of the tears I shed was very different.
I’ve been in a serious funk lately. Too much month, not enough money. Too many kids, not enough solitude. Too much illness, not enough wellness. Too much cold, not enough warmth. Too much work, not enough motivation. Too much fear, not enough security. … Read full post »
It seemed like a swell idea at the time. All I had to do was write an essay about what Obama’s Presidential inauguration means to me and I could score tickets to it as his personal guest.
The emailed invitation was friendly. It even referred to me by first/… Read full post »
When Mom is sick in bed...
Everyone goes outside to play in the snow, but no one remembers to hang up their coats or put away their boots.
They eat too much cereal and drink too much coffee and leave the bowls and cups in the sink.