Here's something you should know about me: I'm not often blessed with the ability to say exactly what I think at the moment it should be said. Instead, I usually need to mull over something before I reach a conclusion - and by then, I usually want to smack myself in the head: "Why didn't that come to me before?"

Chalk it up to an intense desire to be fair, to treat people respectfully, to see things from all sides. These used to be admirable character traits. Nowadays, they're more like disadvantages in showdowns where verbal bullies have their zingers ready to mow you down before you utter a word.

The first presidential debate long over by current news standards where everything happens now now now and Friday is forever ago, I just have one thing to say - late by the world's standards, right on time for mine:

I am haunted by the fact that Sen. McCain treated Sen. Obama with such contempt. HAUNTED. McCain almost never acknowledged his opponent, was openly rude and hostile, never spoke a word of praise to suggest at least a professional camaraderie. Nothing. He wouldn't look at him. He smirked and sneered.

And if he wins this election, this Democrat knows exactly what to expect from him and supportive members of his party: the very same treatment. I and millions of Americans who support Sen. Obama will, like David Letterman said in his monologue the other night, be ugly dates. And we'll be so, as we have been these past 8 years under the Bush administration, for the next 4 years - disregarded, disenfranchised, and just plain dissed.

I was one of the only people in my circle of acquaintances, friends and family who openly expressed concerns about both Bush elections. I was derided when I said things such as "Dissent is not sedition, and war is not the solution," to the Iraqi conflict. I learned to be more reserved about my speech, because failure to do so would bring heaps of unjustified anger onto my shoulders. Sure, I had freedom of speech, as long as it was their speech.

I recall shortly after his election that President Bush stated he had a "mandate" to do as he pleased. I think he won by the slimmest margin, but that was somehow spun to seem like a majority. And all of a sudden, it was don't-blink-cowboy diplomacy (an insult to cowboys, if you've ever met them), and it seemed to me Dems were more or less told to step back - we're blocking the way.

Prior to these final months in which I've seen Sen. McCain transform from a respectable patriot to a snarling, bitter, entitled politician hell-bent on earning his rightful place in the White House he was denied by Bush (and yes, that is exactly how I see it), I admired this man so. I said to my husband, "Gosh! Hillary, Obama or John. Any one of them would be such an amazing advantage over our current situation!"

I don't feel that way any longer.

Sen. McCain, know this. Your open disrespect of an honorable politician and a man who clearly attempted to engage you in honorable, respectful ways demonstrates to me that I may have been wrong to judge you so well.

I would remind you, sir, that when you mock my candidate, you mock me.

And even if you are elected president, I will not forget that. I will not trust you have my best interests at heart.

I will feel like your ugly date. And resent you for it, withholding the admiration you had before.

You might never know or care. I'm just one person after all.

But this Sunday morning, I feel better stating the case - even two days later.

Shame on you. And God help us.