Hey, YOU! Yeah, YOU - I'm talking to you, pal! The guy who's publicly humiliating the poor cowed waitress at the table next to me like she doesn't only owe you decent service but isn't fit to wipe the mud from your pathetic Birkenstock knockoffs....

Or YOU - the girl who's sassing and hassling your mom in the department store to buy you that $300 patchwork leather handbag that's so ugly I guarantee it won't even sell for $15 at TJ Maxx in about three months - and do you even have a job anyway?....

Or YOU - the jerk who's riding the motorcycle that just weaved its way in and out of 30 cars during rush hour down I-476 to cut me off before I begin passing a semi - forcing me to watch my life flash before my eyes and wonder "what if I hadn't seen him?" as my heart rate soars....

Or YOU - the idiot staring at the kid with the goiter hanging from his neck like a deformed melon, laughing at him with your pals as he walks by in utter horror and shame....

Or YOU - the defective who forgot that when you're angry with a company you don't have the right to yell at the customer-service rep or receptionist on the other end of the line like she's not even human, making her cry hysterically and wish she could take any other job, but knowing this is her only option at the moment....

Or YOU - control-freak helicopter parent, haranguing that teacher about giving your spoiled non-Einstein kid a better grade he doesn't actually deserve, or heaping a world of grief on the volunteer aide who's helping out your brat for free....

Or YOU - stuck-up chick who didn't tell my very nice optometrist that you also wanted a contact lens prescription - and when they wouldn't give it to you for free (because it's a different exam, honeybun), you go all rock-star diva on them, telling everyone who will listen in the reception area that you know the owner....

Or YOU - seated behind me on the plane with your two friends, cursing up a blue streak and totally oblivious to the elderly gentleman next to you trying to sleep or the small children and obviously appalled mom in the seat behind you....

I've had it up to HERE with you. Got that? I understand there are times when you just can't control your selfish urges or spur-of-the-moment rudeness. We've all been there. We're human, not perfect.

But this country doesn't exist to make you comfortable at all times, in all ways. There's no invisible tally where you're owed more than you actually contribute to society simply by virtue of gracing us with your presence, with you the sole accountant keeping track, tit for tat, and the rest of us never catching up to your insane expectations.

You are NOT all that and a bag of chips. You are NOT the end all, be all. You are not the Alpha and Omega, or the center of your own damned reality show, with the rest of us playing bit parts. Join the human race why don't you and get down from that dime-store pedestal you've put yourself up on? Apparently, you need to be reminded that MANNERS MATTER, now more than ever.

The past 10 years have been an angry time for America. People feel like they have to fight to get what they are owed, or at least to keep what they have, even if all they're saving is face. Add to that the whole new dynamic of a "Me Now" generation that was raised to believe that in-your-face confrontation is the norm (even if it happens most often online, from what studies indicate).

Time to get passed that. Time to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your actions and how you impact others. I blame myself and my polite compatriots. We thought you might figure this out as you went along in life. Perhaps we didn't always step in when we should have to show you a little of the error of your ways. But we were wrong, and perhaps society has been silent too long. So, to help you, here's a crash course on acting like a human being in a difficult situation:

• Step back and let cooler heads prevail.
• Be nice, even when you don't want to be, because you're not God and you can't know the circumstances to everything, even when you think you do.
• Remember: People respond best to people who try to understand them, or at least to people who try to put themselves in their shoes.
• Not everyone is stupid because they don't understand something, so try to communicate it in a way that ensures they "get it" - because sometimes the fault is yours, not theirs. 
• Put a little of your religious or spiritual faith to good use - and practice that thing called the Golden Rule. You know, about doing to others and stuff. (Imagine how your world would look to you if what you dished out was reciprocated. Oh, the horror! Oh, the humanity!)

I can't always tell you how I feel, anonymous jerk. I don't always get the chance - and half the time, I'm so flabbergasted and aghast by some uncouth stunt you pull, I don't even know what to say (until, like, 15 minutes after the fact... and then it always comes to me! so frustrating!).

But I'm 41 - older, wiser, a quicker wit - and ready to step in far more often to help remind you at your less-than-best moments it's probably in your best interests and the world's if you toe the line a little.

I'm not alone in this view. I'd guess I have millions who would back me up on this reminder to be a little more civil, a little more human, and a little less asinine.

The times are a-changing - and your "my way or the highway" attitude isn't going to fly forever. Unless you want to die alone, ostracized, miserable, unloved and unsung.

Consider yourself warned.