This column was supposed to open with a great cartoon from the New Yorker in which a couple is sitting on a couch—they’re both reading magazines-- and the wife says to the husband “I’m more of a ‘How Jen stays thin’ person than a ‘Why Jen won’t leave Brad alone’ person.” But, of course the cartoon was copywrited so I couldn’t upload it, even though I was prepared to admit that I had gotten no permissions from anyone, anywhere to reprint it. Just keep that cartoon in mind as you read below.
Many years ago, my sisters and I were on what would prove to be a once-yearly retreat together (the origin of which is an interesting post in and of itself) and during the discussion of one or the other situations concerning the very serious subject of Our Mother, who all of us have the tendency to refer to as Your Mother depending on the circumstances, I, trying to inject some much-needed levity into the discourse (and having had a couple of drinks) said, “Okay, this is all very fine and well, but I can’t think much about all this, because I still can’t wrap my mind around what’s been happening with Tom and Nicole.”
Needless to say, that became the mantra of the weekend, Tom and Nicole’s very public separation and divorce being very much on the tongues of the gossip’s wags. Thereafter, my sisters and I took to emailing and texting other public breakups like this: First Tom and Nicole and now Britney and Kevin, oh what is the world coming to! And Oh, Madonna and Guy, did you hear they hadn’t had sex in months!
So, in that spirit, I offer you below, Trash Talk for the Intelligentsia.
1. Is it possible that these guys are the sexiest men alive?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLJ5a
2. Do you think Brad regrets his breakup with Jen and his marriage to Angelina/ Is Angelina really more than he wants to handle?
3. Who is Kim Kardashian and why is she famous? In addition, why did her magazine airbrushing receive thousands of hits on HuffPo and a story on OpenSalon?
3. Does anyone really watch Ozzy’s new show? And why?
4. Does American Idol spell the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it just a television show?
5. Will we ever truly get tired of Oprah? And especially of seeing her face on her magazine every month?
6. Is MILF an insulting term? What about Cougar?
7. Tina? Or Arianna?
8. Authors: Would you rather be reviewed favorably in the New York Times or the New Yorker?
9. Does Book Beast in the Daily Beast matter? Or is Tina just being nice?
10. Would you rather be rich, famous or infamous?
11. And finally: Choose one: Money but no taste OR Taste but no money.
*that would be me
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Comments
2. He should regret it.
3.(a) She's a creation of reality TV, i.e. Satan.
3. (b) Bush Voters
4. It's spelling the end of television as we know it. Civilization (whatever that is) goes on.
5. I already am, although I commend her for the work she's done.
6. Only if people let it be.
7. neither for me thanks
8. Hmmmm, good question. I'm sure it would never happen in either, but probably The New Yorker
9. n/a for m
10. Wealthy and anonymous. I'm already rich, although poor.
11. I'm already taste with no money and I'm happy.
2) yes and yes, but she's been good for his humanitarian projects
3) some famous celeb lawyer, I don't know and I don't know
3) No ... but I would give it a try
4) I hope not. I like the Idol. It's family fun around here, so yes ~
5) I like Oprah and it's her magazine ... If I had a magazine and a gozillion dollars, I'd put myself on the cover too
6) I really didn't like that t-shirt Britney used to wear that said "future milf" ... I thought that was tacky, but I do LOVE the cougar bit on SNL ...
7) Arianna kind of gets on my nerves, so Tina
8) both (was that a choice?)
9) being nice, surprising huh?
10) rich
11) I think it would be worse to have taste and no money, so I'll take money with no taste with a side of lobotomy
I think this is a very cool post. I love your little tradition with your sisters :)
Monte
I think Angelina Jolie IS taking years off of Brad's life though.
Poor bastard.
I'd like to consider myself one of the Intelligentsia, but if pop culture is involved in the definition, I don't have a chance.
A key for the clueless? Rated.
1 -- Wouldn't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. They're cute.
2-- Wouldn't know but I wouldn't be srprised. She's scary .
3-- No idea. But she definitely is famous. I think she's sleeping with someone even more famous. A sports person of some kind.
4 -- American Idol? You dare to sneer at American Idol? In retaliation I sent your post to the judges.
Randy: "I don't know ... you got a little rough there. Some of those judgmental comments got pitchy, dog. I gotta say ... not my favorite post of yours. It was just awight for me.
Kara: I agree with Randy, like always. There was no YOU in the post, I didn't feel the blogger I fell in love with at the OS auditions. We're looking for a star and I didn't see any star quality there.
Paula: First of all, that's a lovely picture. I'm going to disagree with everyone and say that was a fabulous post. So true! Who IS Kim Kardashian, anyway?Does she have a reality show on in competition with mine? Anyway, this might be your best post ever.America loves you. I could deodoroize my car with your writing, hang it from my rear view mirror and just drive around hating Simon and smelling how smart you are!
Simon: That made no sense at all. Are you drunk? Or just coming off the anesthesia for that appalling face work? Well, Lisa. I won't say that was a bad post. It was awful. If this was a thousand years ago they'd have stoned you to death. You've ruined your chances on Open Salon. No possibility of a home page slot. Sorry.
(He never really sounds all that sorry when he says that)
Anyway -- just a TV show.
5-- I've been sick of Oprah since the Joanathan Franzen thing. And that school in Africa with the solid gold faucets or whatever. Remember Schindler, O? Freaking out because he could have saved a few more Jews if he wore a cheaper wristwatch? Get some perspective. And lose some weight. Again.
6 -- both icky terms. Hate them. Ugh.
7-- Arianna, defintiely. Tina almost wrecked the New Yorker, and her website is shallow trash. You're not as cool as you think you are, Tina.
8 -- Give me the NYT any day ... raves from both Michiko and Janet Maslin. I want to make history.
9 -- Nothing on the Daikly Beast matters -- unless you mean Evelyn Waugh's original.
10. Rich. Rich and totally obscure. A rich hermit. But very very rich. Rich as Waggoner and Thain put together.
11 -- I don't get to choose: it always been taste and no money and it probably always will be.
Great post! Rated --
But at the same time, Oprah is a human woman who sometimes can't help herself, and does things that are monumentally stupid, and uses that big "footprint" of hers to trample things that do not deserve that treatment.
Brangelina I could care less about. Jeez, can't we just leave them if peace? Aren't we tired of them yet?
My two cents.
4.YES.
5. I have been for some time.
6. YES
7. neither
8. both
9. no
10. rich, I like going to the store incognito. Of course, I'd also like to never go shopping again (esp Costco, today kicked my ass)
11. taste (that's a tough one but you know)
I honestly don't give a flyin' flute about celebrity crap, but admit I can't escape it. The Royal Family? Big deal. Tom and Katie? Blah. Anyway I'll play for the fun of it.
1- No. But I did read their 20 questions interview in Playboy and they are funny, though I've never seen their show.
2- I can't imagine my opinion on the matter meaning anything to anyone. Jen is hawter in my opinion.
3- No
4- It's a television show that my mother loves and many more apparently, but I don't watch it unless I have to. ie, Mother is in town.
5- Oprah seems like a genuinely nice person, but I never watch her. Ever.
6- I think it's up to the milfs and the cougars. I rarely use either term.
7- To do what with?
8- You'll surely think I'm a neanderthal, but I don't recall ever reading either publication. although they are both mentioned everywhere all the time.
9- Is that who Tina is? I think I know who you're talking about now. Snotty English accent? Never visited BB or DB. Once again, living in a cave.
10- I already have taste with no money. (probably a self dilution) I'd like to try the other please!
As you can see, I have a rather limited radar. I'll try to work harder, I promise!
Thanks much to all who contributed.........
And HUGS and KISSES to Steven whom I have loved for a long time and continue to adore for being so damned adorable once again here.
(and to Michael for giving it his best clueless shot:))
Now, like the true Jewish Mother that I am, I will just go sit in the dark.