Lately, I’ve noticed I’ve got this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure how long it’s been there … on and off I guess but I have noticed it particularly more so over the last week and now it’s been there all morning. What’s going on and what could have made it worse this morning you might ask?
Well, I took my eldest child and three of his mates to the airport this morning. They’re flying to Asia for a short backpacking holiday. And, I’ll be honest … I haven’t been looking forward to him going. Why? I don’t know why! That’s just it … I can’t put my finger on the reason why I have this feeling of … well … of trepidation.
My eldest is an adult for goodness sake! He’s been overseas a few times and has also been backpacking before (three months in Europe). So why do I feel this way? Surely this isn’t rational?
So what is it? Why do I feel this way? I shrug and quickly conclude …. “Once a mum – always a mum!”
But my inquisitive side gets the better of me. What really is going on here? Perhaps I should explore my feelings deeper because this really isn’t rational, is it?
Did I feel like this before when he left for overseas? Yes, I answer. Have I felt like this at other times? Let’s see … yes, when he left home to live with his mates; when he started Uni; and when he got his driver’s licence and his first car. Did I feel like this earlier in his life? Yes ... when he started school; when he started kindy; and when … Oh goodness me! I realise at that I’m definitely sounding ridiculous and very irrational! Oh no! This is awful!
I decide I should get a grip. I’ll have a coffee break with my friend and compose myself and then, later, I can look for the pathway to self-improvement.
Over coffee I mention to my friend how silly I feel after realising that I’ve been such a worrier and quite irrational over the years. Quickly, she responds: “Don’t worry about it! You’re a mum and you’ll always be a mum!”