with a heavy heart and heavy steps
i climb the stairs
and enter the void.
Emptiness - my silent, inhospitable host.
She has prepared nothing --
offers nothing.
nothing but Her smothering, palpable, deafening presence.
my shoulders drop all the more as She takes hold and draws me in.
then, for the longest time i stand,
having moved no further than those few steps into Her house.
She does not care to make me comfortable.
why should She?
from within my being
hunger cries out.
an insatiable yearning
no, not for food but for more --
so much more.
i long for him to hold me close;
for his breath to settle upon my neck.
i crave his nearness as he whispers in my ear;
telling me everything will be alright.
my body aches to be touched.
my being cries to be held.
my heart hungers for something it has tasted,
but knows it cannot have.
i know not how to satisfy those needs;
only the simplest of necessities.
i have not eaten this long and busy day
and so, as i do many days of late,
i take from Her cupboard
and prepare a dinner of breakfast cereal.
there seems no point in sitting.
why seek comfort with one that does not wish to give it?
so i stand beside the island bench in Her kitchen;
eat out of necessity;
and drink in Her ceaseless, deafening mockery.
"how apt", i think,
and then smirk along with Her;
as i realise i truly am standing on an island --
alone.
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Comments
moments only ... stark as they may be ...
I don't know you life circumstances, but I have felt this way so many times in my life, wanting just a sign. You expressed to perfectly Lil.
With anna1 and Z holding out a hand and a big sign over the universe that says, Hang on, we are here, we hear you.
May this too pass for you, soon --
While I've been alone so much this past almost two years now, I spent so much time wandering around unsettled, then my son turned me on to some music that makes me happy every time I listen -- and that's so rare for me! I will avoid music sometimes as I'll *become* the song too easily, but then he showed me Parov Stelar and also The Juju Orchestra. Never fails to have me smiling when I thought I wasn't about to...
Do you know Pandora Radio online?
That's what I tried --
Maybe you can teach Her to dance.
Fill up that room with some good noise.
I send you a hug too, as sometimes, nothing is right, no matter what.
I'll stand outside and send these good vibes through the moon, standing on my side,
*waving*
The fact that you could so exquisitely transform your feelings to such evocative verse is a testament to your literary gift. A wise friend (hint, hint) once told me in effect that hope bends the darkness into light that ultimately refracts into brilliant colors. Your light, Katie, will most definitely shine.
Keeping you close in thought and sending lots of hope on a wing with a prayer on which you can borrow freely until you can recapture your own.
~R~
These are Painful Insights. Your Richer.
`
Maybe cook some green Herbage cookies.
People slump-over. Shoulders curl overs.
All Childhood hurts are hard to cope with.
Sad.
If Unexamined? All Dark is Inner Repressed.
Childhood coping mechanisms can Become?
`
Adult Sickness.
Sad Emotions.
Heart 'cairos'
?
French say:
`
Heart health.
Emotion Stunt.
I'll Reflect. Bless.
`
Folk get inner Bruised.
Some (sad) Never Talk.
Thee Inner Child Cries.
`
My Psychiatrist Cries,
Laughs, and We Smile.
`
Feed Brownies. Treat.
It's a Hard Ordeal. Joy?
I Believe Joy is ` Fruit.
`
Fruit?
Joy . . .
Mature.
`
You are sensitive.
Sentient Folk Ache.
Later? Benevolent.
Vice? Ay Virtues!
I may Be Vague.
Beyond Words.
Hang in there.
No slump over.
Believe. O! Joy!
Patience
That is to
Suffer much
Dark/Light
You no loco
`
Folk Project
Some Folk?
No Examine
`
Everyone else?
blamed for sad
unclaimed vice
Their Self-Loath
I No Psychiatrist.
Hold your sadness.
Embrace it gently.
Life is Transformation.
Anger turn sweet as honey.
I ate honeycomb this morning.
Athena put on a mortal lips.
Anger changes Honeycomb.
Honeycomb is Very Sweet.
Really?
Such feeling that just tear away at you!
I am so sorry!
This is raw but beautifully written
Hugs
~R~
My apologies for not responding individually right now ... I hope to come back and do so later ... but for now I just find it hard to talk about.
Much love....
Sending you the gentlest assurance that I am here too. I like what Elisabeth Kubler-Ross says. I hope you do too.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Peace.
I wanted to say that my comment was clumsy and in no way was intended to say anything disparaging about Ande's comment, I apologize for that, she used Kate's adage and that was meaningful and thoughtful of her to notice those words could bring hope to Lil Kate.
and some peace for your soul.
@Maryt....what a good idea
........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Smiles (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★R
Rita Shibr is so right ... "What a beautiful thread of support and love..."
It is a blessing indeed to have friends such as you.
Thank you.