In a survey taken by a group of people with way too much time on their hands, New York City drivers, compared to twenty-four other metro areas, were crowned the angriest, rudest drivers in the country. Miami took top honors last year, which really fucking pissed me off.
Some of the behaviors observed and measured included obscene gestures (my dream job - getting paid to count obscene gestures {sigh}), curses (I like to multitask and combine the cursing and obscene gestures), speeding, excessive honking, tailgating, cutting off other motorists, running through red lights and stop signs, texting while driving, eating, reading, shaving, putting on makeup, and my personal favorite, masturbating.
Having taken a few "Defensive Driving" classes to avoid having my license suspended, I can relate how New York City drivers interpret the rules of the road differently than most.
For example, some of you may be familiar with the "three second rule." Always leave at least a three second cushion between you and the car in front of you. In New York, the "three second rule" comes into play when there is a green light and the car in front of you doesn't move.
Here's a multiple choice question.
You are waiting behind a car that is stopped at a GREEN light. You then:
A) Blast your horn (adaptive equipment can be installed to increase volume).
B) Lean out and initiate loud cursing.
C) Utilize a wide variety of obscene gestures.
D) Smash your car into the rear of the obstructive vehicle.
E) All of the above.
The correct answer of course is "All of the above."
How about "right of way." Silly rabbit, New York City drivers always have the "right of way." You on the other hand, have "the right to get out of my way."
FYI - Drivers from Portland, Oregon were voted the most polite and courteous. I plan on taking a road trip to Portland to see for myself how polite they really are when faced with a man who likes to read, put on makeup, shave, and masturbate while behind the wheel.
Please remember to always buckle up and drive safely!
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rosalind warren
SpokeoPR
meital james
Linnnn
asia rein
Mike Calahan
Salon.com
Comments
Rated!
Rolling - Thanks for the Reddit.
Eva T. - NYC cab drivers are either the best or worst drivers in the world, depending on your point of view.
Mr. Mustard - New York vs. Boston It's better for me "not to go there."
Steve Blevins - I can tell from your avatar that you are an efficient and organized individual. Am I right or wrong?
:)
Jeff Howe - The pole vaulting gig is sidelined for now. I got too ambitious and tried to pole vault over a moving Greyhound bus.
ocularnervosa - In NYC, Pedestrian = Speed Bump.
RON67 - On multiple choice tests, I like to take my chances with "none" or "all" of the above.
aphrabehn - Drivers in NYC take pride in their dents.
Gus Sanchez - I keep waiting for NASCAR to sponsor a race on the BQE (Brooklyn/Queens Expressway).
Tinkerertink69 - I knew you'd like that part.
ZBitch - cabbies in Manhattan don't want to go to Brooklyn because they can make more $$ in Manhattan.
cartouche - I don't think I'm ready to challenge Dave Barry yet for the title.
OEsheedog - There's always next year!
Trudge164 - I owe it all to you and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Con Chapman - You have to take a deep look inside yourself and ask, "Am I doing enough to bring Boston back into the top ten rudest drivers?" One man CAN make a difference in this world.
Owl_Says_Who - I must ask, can you turn your head all the way around like the other owls?
Jeremiah Horrigan - A NYC cabbie video game sounds like a great idea. There is a video called "Simpsons Road Rage" which copies many of the driving techniques practiced by cabbies in NYC.
very funny & rated!
Driving with one hand on the wheel ,
aaroncynic - you can ride shotgun with me anytime.
zumalicious - stupidity seems to be universal these days.
Gus Sanchez - Charlotte sounds cool. I need to see for myself what the "NASCAR" culture is like.
spotted_mind - The east coast rules.
Judy Fern - Most people think that they are great drivers and everyone else sucks. Cabbies don't care about what anyone thinks of their driving. Just pay the fare and get the hell out of my cab.
On the whole, and in all honesty, most of the drivers of cars and trucks have been wonderful road companions. A few have been remarkably annoying, but they're just like trolls in any internet community. When I find that the jackasses are standing out with clarity, I know it's because most of the people I've encountered have been totally civilized.
When I meet a toll taker who is totally zoned and ignoring me it just highlights each one who has made eyecontact and smilied. When someone cuts me off and breaks randomly, it highlights all of those who've merged well and thoughtfully.
When I cuss out that wanker who has just done the rudest thing ever, it throws more light on the ten vehicles around that wanker and makes them look better in comparison.
that being said, the worst drivers in the world are nothing compared to that dispatcher who sends you through Boston at rush hour and then calls you constantly to see if you've made any progress yet. Drivers are only annoying until you work with a dispatcher.
And yeah, I've been that dispatcher.
And you raise a good queation about these "surveys": how do we know every raised middle finger has been counted?
Now for my own rudeness - I have a jammed right blinker. "Blinker busted, watch for finger," is my motto. And for the Green light multiple choice question.... I holler out my window, "HEY! IT DOESN'T GET ANY GREENER [even] IF YOU WATER IT, BUDDY!"
Apache... that wasn't an intersection, it was a rodeo. The reason you didn't get T-boned is because the other drivers weren't busy watching you, they were watching the bull!
The problem is, in NY, while people are rude and sometimes crazy, there are some basic rules in place. It's a derby, but it's got some restrictions. People pass on the left. They often use turn signals. They stop for emergency workers in the road. You know, basic "Let's not get myself killed/jailed" behavior.
But down here... well, people pass in any of the 4-8 lanes of traffic. I suspect it's because you can bet your life that there is someone in the left lane going 10 miles less than the speed limit. And folks don't use turn signals because all it does it encourage the guy in the other lane to pull up so you can't get in front of him. As for the emergency workers and constant accidents on our major roads... they seem to be viewed as obstacle course obstructions and are no reason at all to slow down.
It really, truly is a nightmare to drive in this town. It's a sprawling metropolis/bedroom community and there are too many cars and not enough roads. I would rather drive in NYC during rush hour than in Atlanta at any time of day (because rush hour exists here from 5 a.m. to noon and from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m.).
I am proud of your multitasking! I'd ride with you.