Stop the presses!  The government has finally done something right for a change.  Car dealerships are suddenly filled with potential buyers looking to trade in their old gas guzzlers for a credit of up to $4,500.00 toward the purchase of a new, more fuel efficient, vehicle.

For the struggling automobile companies and the car dealerships that have managed to survive the recession, this could not have come at a better time.  The "cash for clunkers" program should also benefit the environment by permanently taking off the road older vehicles that guzzle gas and spew pollution into the atmosphere.  For more details, one can find pertinent information at cashforclunkers.com.

If this program could work so well for cars, could it work for husbands and wives?  Not everyone has the advantages of an obscenely wealthy, jerk like Donald Trump to trade in for a younger wife every few years.  The average husband or wife needs some government assistance.

How does one determine if one's spouse is a "Clunker."  A spouse with excessive mileage could still be worth keeping, so age is definitely not the most critical factor.  Here's one clue.  During the course of your marriage, how many times have you heard directly or indirectly this question, 

"You are such a nice person, how did you wind up getting married to such an asshole?"

If you have heard this question more than one hundred times, then your spouse is a "clunker" and you need to get with the program.

Other signs of clunkiness:  Your husband's penis pump is now being used by your grandchildren as a SuperSoaker.  Your spouse has sent out invitations to your Memorial Service.  Your spouse prefers to live in a different time zone than you.  Your spouse dresses all in black every year on your wedding anniversary.  The last present you received from your spouse was ticking and wrapped in plain brown paper.

The "Cash for Clunkers" government program expires in a few months so don't delay missing out on this once in a lifetime opportunity!