"Say Hello To My Little Willie"

BYOB&B - Bring your own Beer & Bullshit
AUGUST 14, 2009 7:36PM

Kidnapping Nancy Sinatra's Boots - Part II

Rate: 19 Flag
"So you know a guy who knows a guy who delivered a pizza to Nancy Sinatra's house?  You are so full of shit!"

"I shit thee not, mon frere Wolfbanger."

"I hate it when you start talking Australian.  What's his name?"

"Ronnie Barnes."

"Ronnie the burnout Barnes?  He can't even remember where he lives and you expect him to remember an address from two years ago."

"Ronnie did not deliver the pizza to Mademoiselle Sinatra's house.  He just knows the guy who did."

I thought her name was Nancy.  Who the fuck is Made in Wazell?  I told you to knock off that Australian accent.

"Okay Chris.  Ronnie and his buddies hang out in the parking lot behind the 7-11.  Let's ride over there and get the name of the pizza delivery guy."

 

EPILOGUE:  Ronnie "The Burnout" Barnes could not recall the name of the pizza delivery driver.  Wolfbanger and I hung out with Ronnie, smoked a few joints, and forgot all about Nancy Sinatra's boots.  Wolfbanger got serious about life, became a lawyer, and specializes in representing individuals charged with "drug-related" offenses.  I am his biggest client. 

 

Author tags:

lance legstrong, the candyman can, i'd rather be the hammer than the snail, athlete's foot in your mouth, humor, fiction, raisinettes, the ronettes, phil spector, chris wolfbanger, yo yo ma, go-go boots, nancy sinatra

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If you did not read Part I, then Part II won't make much sense. On second thought, Part II may not make any sense even if you did read Part I.
C'est la vie - Sorry Wolfbanger. I couldn't help talking Australian one more time.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 07:42 PM
That's ok I think you might have looked a bit funny in white go-go boots anyway! Although you never know.................
Lunchlady 2
August 14, 2009 07:54 PM
I'm so offended. What's wrong with Australian accents?
Natalie Not Pedantic
August 14, 2009 08:04 PM
As Nancy once sang,..these boots are made for walking.
Walk it off, my friend.
J D Smith
August 14, 2009 08:09 PM
It's Mad O Ma Zel. I know these things. I took French in school. Sacre bleu!

Funny stuff. Rated. Or, in French, "Rot ted."
john blumenthal
August 14, 2009 08:23 PM
Lunchlady 2 - I would happy to model go-go boots for you any time

Natalie Not Pedantic - Blame it on Wolfbanger. He thought French was Australian.

J D Smith - I'd walk a mile for a Camel.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 08:25 PM
Great story about how pot prevents crime!
Owl_Says_Who
August 14, 2009 08:45 PM
John Blumenthal - If you think that anything I write is funny, I take that as a huge compliment.

Owl_Says_Who - You made a very important point about how marijuana DECREASES the "crime" rate. It should be obvious to all that I believe that using marijuana should be decriminalized.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 08:55 PM
Whew! I'm relieved. I wondered why you wanted the boots anyway. And what does raisinettes have to do with Nancy Sinatra's boots anyway? Love your writing, even if the ending is quirky! LOL!
Just Pamela
August 14, 2009 09:06 PM
I understand your thought train: I'm very concerned. rAted!
Chuck A. Stetson
August 14, 2009 09:20 PM
Understandable. French and Australian accents are so similar that I sometimes find it hard to distinguish between them myself.
Natalie Not Pedantic
August 14, 2009 09:24 PM
Just Pamela - Raisinettes have nothing to do with Nancy Sinatra's boots. I add quirky things to the "tags" just to see if anyone is paying attention.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 09:25 PM
I think the situation turned out for the best. imagine if your friend had remember the address and the lot of you went ahead and grabbed the boots and maybe little horsefaced nancy still in them.... then imagine the entire east coast cosa nostra looking for the the Littlewillie Gang.
nofrills chunky monkey
August 14, 2009 09:26 PM
Natale Not Pedantic - On behalf of Wolfbanger, I apologize to all Australians afflicted with French accents.

Mr. Mustard - The train in Spain falls mainly on the grain.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 09:39 PM
nofrillsmonkey - The Little Willie Gang. I really like the sound of that. Thanks!
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 09:45 PM
The tags alone were worth the bogart.
cartouche
August 14, 2009 10:29 PM
phil spector?

I used to say kids were 'burnouts', too. Do the youth still use that one? Or do they just say 'meth-head'?
wakingupslowly
August 14, 2009 10:56 PM
I actually wish you'd really stolen Nancy's boots. If you had, I would have tried to buy them for a friend of mine who sings "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" at karaoke bars. People always tell her how great she is when she sings it, even though all she can do is carry a tune (in her purse.)
Anyway, there are no 7-11 stores anywhere near Tompkins Square Park, so you shouldn't refer to 7-11. In the next version, make it a bodega or "El Mundo 99 Cent."
Eva T. Made Vaudeville
August 14, 2009 10:58 PM
wakingupslowly - Phil Spector was supposed to make an appearance in my story, but he was detained. Meth addicts are called Tweekers?

cartouche - Okay. I'll play Tag. You're it.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 11:10 PM
*sigh*... now I've got to put this through Babblefish 'cause I don't speak Australian unless I'm really hammered...
iamsurly
August 14, 2009 11:19 PM
EvaT.MadeVaudeville - I prowled the East Village and Alphabet City, but I grew up and lived in Queens which was full of 7-11s. Queens also had plenty of White Castles also known as "Murder Burgers." The White Castle I went to on Union Turnpike had bullet proof glass between the servers and the customers. Nothing like a couple of greasey burgers from White Castle and some beers from 7-11 at three in the morning.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 11:28 PM
iamsurly - The Australians are going to kick my ass.
littlewillie
August 14, 2009 11:35 PM
Ah. I did some time in Queens, too, and remember that White Castle (my stomach tries to forget). Never went to 7-11s, though. I guess that's why I still think of them as weird creatures from Planet Suburbia...
Eva T. Made Vaudeville
August 14, 2009 11:59 PM
EvaT.MadeVaudeville - You are not missing anything worthwhile in your life by never stepping foot in a 7-11 or any similar convenience store. I try to support locally owned businesses rather than franchises, but I am a weak man and I sometimes give in to the urge of a giant blue slurpy.
littlewillie
August 15, 2009 12:19 AM
WAIT WAIT WAIT

I have a bone to pick with you Willie.

A) I waited days for part 2
B) No provocative pictures of Nancy Sinatra (you promised)
C)You never broke into her house!!

I want a redo!!!

(just kidding :)
Manchu Wok
August 15, 2009 01:15 AM
Manchu Wok - Did I really promise provocative pictures of Nancy Sinatra? If I did then I am sorry to disappoint you.
I've learned the hard way that there are no redos in life.
littlewillie
August 15, 2009 01:32 AM
I thought this worked well as a stand-alone piece. The tags are brilliant. Nancy Sinatra was over-rated anyway. She couldn't hold a candle to Dusty Springfield. And I knew where she would go for Indian take-away. Well, at least it someone who looked like her.
GJI Penguin
August 15, 2009 03:06 AM
GJI Penguin - Thanks for the positive feedback. You are right about Dusty Springfield.
littlewillie
August 15, 2009 11:25 AM
I love a happy ending.
Steve Blevins
August 15, 2009 10:59 PM