According to a new study from the University of Massachusetts, approximately 90% of United States currency has traces of cocaine residue. Those one dollar bills that you are carrying may be worth a lot more than the face value of the greenback.
Guys, keep that fact in mind the next time you are driving home from work and you pass the "Grand Opening" of a new strip club. Like most guys, I carry a lot of "singles" just in case of such an emergency. I wonder how many of the dollar bills that I have so generously contributed to the NAS College Fund have been used to ingest cocaine (NAS is National Association of Strippers). I am so disillusioned. Strippers buying cocaine rather than using the money for tuition and textbooks! I am resigning from my position on the board of directors of the National Association of Strippers effective immediately.
Strike that. "With great regret and a court order, I hereby resign effective immediately after next week's sales convention in Atlantic City." My replacement will be Roger Clinton, the brother of former president, Bill Clinton. The Clinton Foundation remains a proud supporter of NAS, providing scholarships and intensive private (blow)job training.
I plan on continuing my philanthropic work, concentrating mainly on bikini research and development.
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Old Guy Learning Guitar
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Comments
No way. You got your dollar bill on my cocaine!
This scenario is eerily similar to what happened with chocolate and peanut butter.
Rated
Wally_M - I need someone with your people skills. You're hired.
iamsurly - What will the neighbors say?
John Blumenthal - Back in the 1980's I was in college, and I rarely had anything bigger than a $5 bill in my pocket.
bobbot - You are an Officer and a Gentlemen.
Cartouche - Those high on cocaine, can't be bothered with boogers.
Rated
{wondering about the 10 lbs. of change floating around the bottom of my purse}
Boomer Bob - watch out for UFOs and random drug tests.
OESheepdog - I guess what happens in Amherst stays in ...
onecorgilover - Exactly! The War on Drugs is a total BUST - pun definitely intended.
JK Brady - I get numb after I receive the shopping bill in the mail.
spotted_mind - You need to cash in all that change for some vintage American dollar bills.
EvaT.MadeVaudeville - Yes. They extracted the cocaine w/o destroying the money. My next question would be, so what happened to all the extracted cocaine?
:)
Manchu Wok - Your dues are going toward a worthy cause.
And so will the people who have gone down on...um, time to read my Bible.
RobinSneed - Please direct all inquiries about NAS College scholarships to the Clinton Foundation. Attention "Bill" or "Roger", not "Hillary."
From now on, I am washing all my cash!!
ApacheSavage - I have a special Krazy Straw for "cleaning" my money.