A life-changing conversation between Willie and his seventy-two year old mother.

"Mom.  I've been doing a lot of thinking and ..."

"Don't tell me you joining the circus again Willie.  You know how I feel about those carnival freaks."

"No it's not about any circus momma.  I believe I'm finally ready to turn my life over to a higher power."

"Higher power.  What you talkin' 'bout, Florida Power and Light?"  

"No Momma.  Our lord and savior, Jesus Christ."

"Boy, you best not be fooling with me.  I've been waiting my whole life for my eldest son to see the light.  I'm calling the preacher right now to set up a Baptism in the river.  We better check for gators.  'Member when Uncle Otis got half his ass bit off during his baptism ?  That was definitely a sign that the Lord wasn't ready for Otis."

"I thought that was just a sign that Uncle Otis' ass was too big." 

"Never mind.  I've got lots of people to call and work to do."

"Wait a second, Momma.  Just listen. How big was I when I was born?"

"You were one big baby, Willie.  Close to ten pounds."

"Well Momma, in order for me to really feel reborn, I need to recreate the entire birthing experience and spend nine months in your womb again."

"Say what!!! You knuckle-headed bastard.  You take after your no-account father, always coming up with crazy schemes and breaking your poor mother's heart."

"Go back in my womb for nine months!  And how do you expect to get back in there son?  You weigh close to two hundred pounds.  Have you started messing with them drugs again?

"Momma.  Those are prescription drugs.  I'm supposed to take them."

"Okay Willie.  Why don't you tell your psychiatrist that you want to get born again by spending nine months in her womb."

"But she's not my mom."

"Lucky for her she ain't.  Lord, what have I done to deserve this?" 

                                        ---THE END---