My friend Otto works at a funeral home.  I help him out sometimes pulling out the gold teeth.  I've finally saved up enough gold teeth to buy a new car.

I'm nervous about buying a new car.  I hear that all car salesmen are thieves, the kind of crooks that would pull a gold tooth out of a dead man's mouth.

Otto is helping me study up on the best strategies to use when dealing with a car salesman.  Otto says that I should start out applying the correct car-buying tactics to a smaller, less expensive piece of merchandise, like a carton of milk.

I do my research online.  I find out the Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price of various brands of milk.  I dig a little deeper and find out the "Dealer's Invoice" price which is lower than the MSRP.  

Otto says that I should always walk out at least once before buying.  Make a lowball offer which you know the salesman will turn down.  Carry a Consumer Reports magazine.  That's like showing a bible to a vampire.

It's time to put all my due diligence to the test.  I drive over to the local Publix Supermarket.  I stride assertively down the dairy aisle, swatting an old lady in the head with my rolled up Consumer Reports magazine. 

The stockboy is busy stocking eggs.  I step up over to the milk.  I do not want to appear too eager or excited.  I calmly browse through the skim, 1%, 2%, regular, and 100% lactose free.  I pick up a half gallon of 2%.

"Excuse me.  Is this price correct?"

The stockboy stops  what he is doing.  He looks at the milk.

"Yes sir.  $2.69."  The stockboy turns back to the eggs.

"Is that the best you can do?"

The stockboy turns around with a confused expression on his face. 

"I don't mark the prices Sir, and I am not allowed to change them."

"You mean to tell me that you can't sell this carton of milk below the MSRP?"

"If you are worried about MSRP, I suggest you buy the organic brand."

"A wiseguy, huh?  Did you know that I can buy the same exact model of milk at the Winn-Dixie for $2.59?

"Well then why did you come here if you knew it was cheaper there?"

"I needed to sharpen my bargaining skills."

I start to leave without the milk.

"Hey Mister.  Do you know a guy named Otto?"

I dash out of the store never looking back.