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OCTOBER 1, 2009 4:45PM

U.S.A. Demands Concrete Steps From Iran

Rate: 17 Flag

Hoboken (Ruders)  The United States has stepped up its pressure on Iran to discontinue its program of developing nuclear weapons by demanding that Iran provide U.S. negotiators with "concrete steps" as a sign of good faith.

Iran's chief negotiator, Ali Akbar, was angered and puzzled by this latest request.

"We do not understand why the U.S. requires these concrete steps and we will not bow down to unreasonable demands.  What will they want next?  A mahogany gazebo?" 

Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton released the following statement:  "The United States has shown restraint and patience with regard to Iran's nuclear ambitions.  The United States will continue to keep open the doors of opportunity for Iran to close shut the gates of war.  We are still waiting for our concrete steps."

"First they wanted concrete steps, now Secretary Clinton brings up "doors" and "gates."  Why doesn't Secretary Clinton and her aides just go to Home Depot and buy their own damn concrete steps" responded Ali Akbar.

"Our original offer remains on the coffee table," Secretary Clinton replied as she hurried home to complete her latest "Do It Yourself" home improvement project. 

 

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concrete steps, ramps, satire, fiction, home depot, shutters, gazebos, doors, gates, nuclear weapons, diplomacy

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Don't you just love reading about international diplomacy?
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 04:46 PM
This is outrageous! What's next, are we going to ask the Taliban for a nice stained glass fan window in the foyer?
nanatehay
October 01, 2009 04:50 PM
A stained-glass window? Nice gift for Christmas maybe, but too fragile for the rough and tumble world of nuclear diplomacy.
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 05:07 PM
Sounds to me like someone is trying sweep something under the Persian rug.
iamsurly
October 01, 2009 05:08 PM
Very Funny! Love the way you do this. Reminds me of the old Emily Littella SNL routines (Gilda Radner). "What's all this fuss about Soviet Jewelry?" or "What's all this fuss about violins on television?"

R

R
john blumenthal
October 01, 2009 05:08 PM
I heard they're sending the "This Old House" crew to Iran on a commando mission armed with high-powered nail guns and baffling Boston accents. rAted!
Chuck A. Stetson
October 01, 2009 05:08 PM
If I get home from work tonight and somebody has taken MY concrete steps, I'm gonna be pissed.
spotted_mind
October 01, 2009 05:11 PM
Emily Litella lives on.
Stacey Youdin
October 01, 2009 05:18 PM
iamsurly - have you ever tried sweeping a nuclear warhead under a rug

john blumenthal - the early days of SNL were the best

chuck stetson - you may have given me an idea for my next post

spotted_mind - If your concrete steps are gone, I will mail you mine

stacey youdin - Gilda Radner. R.I.P.
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 05:27 PM
littlewillie- it's easier than shipping concerte steps internationally via UPS!
iamsurly
October 01, 2009 05:34 PM
iamsurly - i suggest shipping "one step at a time"

jimmymac1025 - Thanks!
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 05:36 PM
Yeah, concrete steps are overrated anyway.
Owl_Says_Who
October 01, 2009 05:37 PM
They can get a great deal on Persian rugs, hell they make them there, no overhead!!
scanner
October 01, 2009 05:40 PM
l'lwill: I read the title and thought to myself "Oh no, he's not going to turn that around and have us believe that we're shipping Iran a burnin' hunk of concrete steps.... is he?" He did. Rated.
Jeff Howe
October 01, 2009 05:42 PM
Hopefully they do not miss this window of opportunity!
Wally_M
October 01, 2009 06:26 PM
Owl_Says_Who - "Concrete steps are the foundation of this nation's democracy." I should be a speechwriter for a politician.

scanner - we want concrete steps. We don't need no stinking rugs.

Jeff Howe - If I have become too predictable, then I may have to resort to drastic measures, which may cause unintended consequences which you will be responsible for.
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 06:31 PM
Bring it dude. And put it on my tab.
Jeff Howe
October 01, 2009 07:24 PM
It is about to be showtime, good information.
Don Rich
October 01, 2009 07:30 PM
If everyone lived in New York City, no one would worry about things like concrete steps. The answer to all problems, here, is "Get the Super."
Eva T. Made Vaudeville
October 01, 2009 07:30 PM
Wally_M - I refuse to discuss politics even after I just wrote a post concerning Iran, the United States, and nuclear war.

Don Rich - By "Showtime" do you mean the ultimate Mushroom Cloud Fireworks show?

Eva T. Made Vaudeville - If I still lived in New York, I would be worried about cement boots more than concrete steps.

Jeff Howe - Buyer Beware!
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 08:04 PM
Another gem! How do you come up with this stuff?? Your hard-hitting journalism puts my little piece about missing panties to shame. Kudos!
rice paddie
October 01, 2009 08:13 PM
Now I get it, I must have had my dense hat on!Somedays............great work Willie
Lunchlady 2
October 01, 2009 08:16 PM
rice paddie - how did I miss your missing panties post? I will find it.

lunchlady 2 - I wear my dense hat when I'm in a construction zone.
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 08:32 PM
Concrete steps are so last year. Does Clinton know anything? She should demand brick steps.
Trudge164
October 01, 2009 09:21 PM
Trudge164 - Brick steps can make a nice Brooklyn-style stoop to hang out with your pals and watch the neighborhood gals go by.
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 10:02 PM
I'd ramp those stairs.
BuffyW
October 01, 2009 10:51 PM
Buffy W - I love you!
littlewillie
October 01, 2009 11:16 PM
"Mahogany gazebo" made me spurt coffee.
cartouche
October 02, 2009 07:29 AM
Cartouche - You spurted coffee from reading my post? That makes my day complete.
littlewillie
October 02, 2009 07:43 AM
Concrete steps are useless unless there is a nice patio or at least a over sized landing from which to enter into the door of negotiations.
M Todd
October 02, 2009 12:41 PM
M Todd - the addition of patio furniture into these tense negotiations may necessitate the inclusion of patio expert, and former Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger.
littlewillie
October 02, 2009 12:58 PM
I'm voting for the mahogany gazebo.
Caroline Hagood
October 02, 2009 12:59 PM
Caroline Hagood - The Mahogany Gazebo, but what about what's behind Door #3. You could win an antique japanese bamboo outhouse.
littlewillie
October 02, 2009 02:11 PM
All we need is Henry with the backing of the world bank to make things right.
M Todd
October 02, 2009 02:28 PM
I hear they're sending that helpful young handyman and his Extreme Home Makeover crew to give Bin Laden a whole new cave decorated with fatwahs .... damn Hollywood liberals!
noah tall
October 02, 2009 05:22 PM
noah tall - I think it's strange and a pleasant surprise for me that a satirical post about nuclear war has turned into a discussion about home decorating.
littlewillie
October 02, 2009 06:36 PM
They demanded we take concrete steps too, but we refused! Do you know how heavy those things are?
Deborah Young
October 10, 2009 01:00 PM
Deborah Young - I would like to drop some concrete steps on Ahmadinejad's head.
littlewillie
October 10, 2009 06:40 PM